The Veteran Presence 2005 Mrs. Urbina Memorial MLB
Preview: NL West
LOS ANGELES IS ONLY
BIG ENOUGH FOR THE DODGERS
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BB: I’m JD Drew. I’m a
pretty nifty player when I’m healthy but boy – my legs hurt like Rippa playing
midfield when you put me in a corner. I hate turning left and right and digging
balls out of corners and starting and stopping. I don’t mind centerfield so
much. Now, I’m getting paid a lot of money and-ow!
What was that for?
PR: Does it burn when you
pee too?
BB: Did he hook up with
Jose Lima before Lima left Los Angeles or something?
ED: Hey! His boy, The Big J had to suffer too.
And He was a walker from way back in a line-up full of hackers. Big J put up with it – without the fat
contract. Treat it as your own little
cross, J.D.
PR: Aww…
I am not even going to touch that.
BB: I’m Milton Bradley.
That’s my house. I MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!
BB: I’m Bill Barnwell.
I’m safe here in my apartment on the other side of the world from Milton
Bradley, I think. So, with that in mind, I can say this – maybe a guy who’s had
ONE good season – and even in that in 377 ABs – who’s
certifiably insane isn’t really worth pleasing that much. A .362 OBP in Dodger
Stadium is nice, but when you slug .424 and a fan, it’s really not worth it. If
Bradley has a good year this year, the Dodgers should sign him to a long-term
deal. If he doesn’t, they need to cut bait. If there was ever a situation where
Paul DePodesta needed Billy Beane,
the we’re-not-resigning-you-Milton conversation is
right there.
ED: Right. Like Milton wouldn’t gay-bash The
Handsome One. Oh, different Billy
Bean. Well, it’s not as if Milton can
see that E.
BB: I’m not sure how this
works. Because Milton is crazy he has bad vision?
PR: But…but Milton
Bradley wants to be a role model for the KIDS! And Bradley’s B-R sponsorship is
just as crazy as he is:
“prediction:
Milton gets ejected < 2 times this year, posts a .290/.390/.490 line, 25
bombs. Dodgers win NL West. Simers, Plaschke, Buster, and the rest of the media eat crow!”
BB: So Paul DePodesta had an offseason that
really was just middle of the pack. He had the most difficult decision of
anyone – deciding whether Adrian Beltre’s 2004 was the sign of a new era or a contract year from the gods.
After he chose the latter and realized that Alex Cora wasn’t the solution at
second base, he had a bunch of holes to fill in his infield.
ED: And I’d bet the same
way on Beltre if I were DePo.
And the fact that the team that ponied up the fat
stack of cash on him was the Mariners, probably proves
him right from the get-go.
BB: That’s a good point.
The Mariners can be used as justification for pretty much anything ugly and
coarse.
BB: Jeff Kent was the big
one and I’m a pretty big fan of this signing, actually. Every defensive metric
I’ve seen says he’s improved somehow to the point where he’s a very good second
baseman at age 37. And he’s still got the bat speed to hit .289 and be
successful without walking that much. Maybe this falling off of your motorcycle
business isn’t such a bad idea.
ED: Yeah. I’ve seen the stats and I still don’t
believe Kent is a plus-defender. It just
doesn’t seem in any way possible. I’ve
seen him field. Sure, he was never Ron
Gant-ish…or even Craig Biggio-esque
at second. But man, did he
never-ever-ever look smooth there. And
now he’s supposedly a great defender?
Now, I don’t hate or even run from stats. I am enlightened to the ways of the sabermetrics even if my math skills are sub-moronic. But I sure am a-scratching my head over that.
BB: Totally agreed. This
is so screaming “Jeff Kent hired Prospectus and everyone else with proprietary
fielding formulas to give him good ratings”.
PR: So his supposed good
defense will make up for the fact that he is now hitting in Dodger Stadium? His
OBP has gone down for the last four years and, oh yeah, 37! I think Bill is
having flashbacks to his early Mets fandom. I wonder what would happen if Todd
Hundley was suddenly healthy again.
BB: I enjoy the article I
read that had a scout billing Kent with all the range of a postage stamp. Aww…
BB: For some reason, DePo decided to give Cesar Izturis
a shiny new contract and lock him in as the Dodgers SS for the next three
years. Izturis had his best year by far on offense
last year at 25…and had an 88 OPS+. It shows that they think their best
prospect – Joel Guzman, currently a 6’6” SS – will move to third. But just
because he’s not gonna play
short doesn’t mean you should necessarily want Izturis
to.
ED: Aww, Bill wasn’t
paying attention to all the first-half stories about the Dodgers winning last
year because of LoDuca’s SCRAP~! and
Izturis’ GLOVE~! Don’t make Phil and I have to call
in Harold Reynolds for an intervention.
PR: What happened to that
SS revolution that baseball was undergoing? Remember when it was A-ROD! JETER!
NOMAR! TEJADA! Yeah – now folks like Cesar Izturis,
David Eckstein, Craig Counsell, and Felipe Lopez are
starting at SS. Is MLB really that desperate that they are turning to former
thug Red Storm basketball players? Oh wait…
BB: Shawnelle
Scott can’t be any worse than Brian Hunter. Malik
Sealy…well he is not on the juice at least.
PR: Let me put this another way. When I was in Little League back when I
was like… oh.. I guess like 11, I pitched and I played
short. Pitching was fun because I had undergone the first of many growth spurts
so I was a good 8-10 inches taller than everyone. So I just threw nothing but
gas, hit one guy every other inning, struck out at least two an inning. I
enjoyed making people cry. Short was okay but I was lanky and white and a touch
slow, so the lateral moments were…anything but graceful. In my Little League,
all the Dad’s and Mom’s were assigned jobs for one game. It was like forced
volunteerism. (The women sold the snacks. The men kept scoring and did
play-by-play. No I am not making this up.) So the game my father was assigned
to be the scorekeeper just happened to be the game that Sam Rosen was assigned
to be the play-by-play announcer. Oh yeah, I was on the same team with Sam Rosen’s
son. Oh yeah, it’s that Sam Rosen. Anyway, it’s the top of the first and we are
in the field. Two outs and a shot is hit towards the
second base bag. I don’t really dive, it is more like a flop towards my left, kinda foreshadowing my attempts now to play goalie in co-ed
soccer as I don’t really dive but my knees kinda
collapse from the strain and my 6’6” frame makes up the difference. Anyhoo, I stretch and my lankiness rules the day again. I
snare the ground with my mitt on the second base bag,
I peg a perfect strike from my knees to first for the third out awhile
listening to Sam Rosen hyping my play like I was Stephane
Matteau. The basic point is that back when I was 11,
heck, even now, my tall frame allows me to have the same RANGE FACTOR~! as any of these sad sack outfielders. So, I am bitter that I
did not sign Cesar Izturis’ contract.
BB: So…then…DePo signed a shortstop. To play third
base. You know – the Devil Rays did it. So why not?
Jose Valentin will play third and…I’m not sure how
well it’s going to work out. Valentin IS extremely
underrated – he’s got pop and range. Unfortunately…he’s not using that range
anywhere near as much when he’s playing third base. And he’s barely getting on
base anymore – a .287 OBP going to Los Angeles is U-G-L-Y.
ED: Umm…Bill. I realize that in the rush to
follow suit with whatever’s cool in New England, you’ve gotta
poop on A-Rod but…he was the first “converted SS’s as 3B is the new sexy”
guy. Of course, that wasn’t a real good
idea either. Obviously, that means that
Mike Matheny will turn the Giants season around by shoving his mitt in Jose Valentin’s face.
BB: God, I’m not the
hugest Alex Rodriguez fan and I’m not the biggest Jose Valentin
hater – but that is a mighty painful comparison to make.
PR: Jose Valentin: Who else can claim to be traded for Gary
Sheffield AND Jamie Navarro? Only me BABY!
BB: Hee
Seop Choi will get the
opportunity to play first full-time. You know what? I don’t care what Bill Plaschke has to say about Choi
replacing Shawn Green and Paul LoDuca. Choi’s better now, he’s cheaper, and he’s gonna get even better over the next few years. Choi nearly posted a .400 OBP in Florida last year with
power over 300 ABs, and then he struggled in 60 ABs in LA. So, which sample is more important? Choi’s going to be the #3 hitter in this lineup for as long
as the Dodgers want him to be.
ED: Successful – read: POPULAR – first basemen in
L.A. Dodger history: Wes Parker, Steve Garvey, Eric Karros. Now, I’m not one to Ralph Wiley the race card
– especially in a community as culturally diverse as Los Angeles – but other
than the three all looking like Ken Doll matinee idols, what could possibly
make those guys popular in this community among the writers and the fans? It wasn’t their bats,
that’s for certain. It wasn’t
their gloves – though Parker was all glove, no
bat. The answer? Yes, they were all the fathers to thousands
of bastard Dodger fans in the area. If Hee Seop Choi wants to become a fan favorite Dodger first baseman,
he needs to work on his…uhh…”fan friendliness”. Garvey can go to spring training in and give
him some tips.
BB: Poor Hee Seop Choi.
Will he pass out in the middle of the act foaming Mountain Dew at the mouth?
Will the girl be really excited and then get bored with him much earlier than
expected? Can you imagine the kind of jokes I could make about this with Bruce
Chen?
PR: Bill showed me this
really amazing blurb from the LA Times
“Hee-Seop Choi has gone from
telling himself, "no, no, no," as a pitch approaches to saying "yes,
yes, yes." Instead of looking for a walk, he is
looking to drive the ball.
In
the Dodgers' 4-3 loss to the Baltimore Orioles on Tuesday, he hit a home run
and struck out twice while going one for four. He did not walk.
"I
like walk, but I swing now," the Korean first baseman said without an
interpreter. "Now I like swing. No more walk."
Choi's
selectivity is one reason he is a favorite of DePodesta
because walks boost a hitter's on-base percentage. But batting coach Tim Wallach is encouraging Choi to
swing more often.
Choi
is listening.
"I
say I had a big problem, but Tim Wallach says I have
a little problem," Choi said. "I talk to
Tim before the game and during the game every day."
Wallach suggested that Choi move his hands back
slightly as he takes his stride to help develop rhythm. Choi,
who is batting .217 with two home runs in 46 at-bats, often had looked
mechanical at the plate.
"Today
I tried to hit a homer," he said. "I'm ready for opening day."
PR: This would have been the
highlight of spring training for me… if about 192 other things didn’t happen. I
mean it is amazing on several levels. DePo probably breaking his first chair. Tim Wallach
being the hitting coach of anything. Tim Wallach
probably looking for work. One Home Run equals ready for the season. Choi not using
the translator. Possibly the one thing that would have made it better
would have been if the quote was in a Plascke column.
BB: Oh, you know DePo broke his first chair when Primer panned the Derek
Lowe signing. “Bb…but…I thought we were friends!”
BB: DePo’s
magical outfielder rotation only has to worry about filling one slot this year,
which means less time for Jayson Werth
and the best fourth outfielder in baseball, Ricky Ledee.
Ledee can’t hit lefties, which works out well for Werth, who handles them. It’s called a PLATOON. Now – I
know that’s a scary idea. But just go with DePo on
this one.
PR: I always enjoy when
folks like Tristan Cockcroft bemoan platoons and how
they are maddening for fantasy owners. And then I like to look at the fact that
no one in their right mind would be worrying about Werth
or Ledee. But that could be just me. Of course, I
could imagine Tristan Cockcroft google
stalking himself, finding this site and sending Ed a
nasty email.
ED: You kids and your retro fetishes. The ’70’s and ‘80’s sucked, OK? Kitsch is never cool. Irony is gutlessness. Move forward. OK, so in this case, it’s a
good idea. But…yeah. Get off my lawn.
BB: Tristan Cockroft is a retro fetish? Well it does sound like a name from the
twenties. Or a film-noir movie. So I guess in that
context it works.
BB: And then…the Dodgers
needed a starting pitcher. And Derek Lowe wanted a lot of money. But Derek
Lowe, really, wasn’t worth a lot of money – he’d peaked with a fluky 2002
season and had two years where he was, at best, an average starter. This is the
same guy who everyone had to be reminded to not boo so he wouldn’t freak out
during the playoffs at Fenway. But, you know, he had
a couple of good starts in the World Series. So some team with World Series
rings shining in their eyes offered him a lot of money, the Dodgers still
needed someone, Lowe was the only guy left, the Dodgers gave him a little more,
and that’s how Derek Lowe got $36 million. It was amusing to see the
sabermetric community try and defend DePo by trying
to come up with all kinds of obscure statistics and micro-analysis to explain
how Lowe would turn into a right-handed Sandy Koufax
in Chavez Ravine but it just isn’t the truth. Lowe’s gonna
be basically dependent upon his infield defense (which, if the Kent statistics
are right, and Valentin can handle third, will be
pretty good), and he’s going to decline to the point where that last season is
ugly. When you consider that the Dodgers have the best farm system in baseball
– ESPECIALLY when it comes to pitching prospects – that’s really an ugly
signing.
PR: But Lowe didn’t STEAL
THE GREATEST BASE IN THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL! YOU CAN’T GET RID OF HIM!!! DON’T
LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT! HOW CAN YOU LET THE FASTEST PERSON IN THE
UNIVERSE LEAVE?!?!?!?! I DEMAND A SHRINE BE BUILT NOW!!!!
PR: err... sorry ‘bout
that.
ED: Derek Lowe, on a day of a home game when he’s
not scheduled to start, will get up around noon, walk out in the sun to get a
fat check from his mailbox, maybe take a dip in the pool, contemplate driving
the cobalt blue or cherry red Porsche to drive by the Playboy mansion on his
way to the park. He gets to the park,
has no interaction with anyone wearing a pocket protector, meets a few minor
celebrities, never hears the words “DIPS” or “Voros” or “Bill James.” Never has to force out a “Yeah,
Ben. That was a good movie. You were
great in it.” He eats a few hot dogs,
downs some sunflower seeds, maybe pays some attention
to the game. The game is comes and goes;
maybe the Dodgers won, maybe not. He
drives home. Maybe he stops in to see Hef and the girls on the way. Maybe he has a drink with Johnny Depp. Whatever. He goes to
bed. He leaves a window open, doesn’t
have to take his phone off the receiver anymore; he sleeps well. Even after a bad game, he never has anyone in
his lawn yelling at his window about how he needs to use his cut fastball
more. Sure, there are bad things; he
will miss peeing in the sports jacket pocket of Dan O’Shaughnessy and he will
quickly tire of watching Jeff Weaver slumped in his locker eating Doritos while
listening to Phish bootlegs. But all in all, all is grand for Derek
Lowe. Life is good. Now, maybe not so much for DePo, but if you were Derek Lowe, would you change a thing?
BB: I’m not at all big on
Dioner Navarro. Sure, he was a Yankee. But he had one
good season, in AA, totally driven by his batting average. He doesn’t really
have too much power, and he’s 21, but that’s not a sign that he’s going to grow
as much as it is that anything can happen. Prospectus says that he’s got a 43%
shot of losing 20% of his offensive value this season from the year before, and
when you consider that he hit .250/.316/.360 at AAA in 136 ABs,
that’s a pretty shallow river to dive into. His only close comp is Bob Didier –
and Didier’s before any of our times. It compares him to Didier’s age 22 season with the Braves – where he hit. 149/.210/.173. Gulp.
ED: Give him a heaping load of scrap and no one
will notice he’s not Paul LoDuca.
PR: He is playing for LA.
No one is going to be noticing him anyway. Everyone will have already left to
beat the traffic.
BB: Edwin Jackson had an
ugly season, in AAA and the majors. He IS still only 21 – which helps – but if there’s any positive to the Lowe signing, it
should be that Jackson should be able to spend this season in AAA working on
his command. The Dodgers should be able to run out a
Weaver/Lowe/Perez/Penny/TARGET (Ishii) rotation which is a nifty bunch of #2
and #3 starters.
ED: Nineteen games against each of the D-Backs,
Rockies and Giants (whilst walking Barry Bonds) will sure make those numbers
look better than expected, I’m a-guessin’.
PR: Jeff Weaver – More signable than my stupid brother.
BB: For like five minutes
I was trying to figure out whether Rippa had a brother and why he wouldn’t sign
with the Dodgers. Then I figured it out. Poor reader.
BB: Eric Gagne’s 90th
percentile Prospectus projection has him throwing 98.3 innings with a 0.20 ERA.
ED: Are those stats
American or Canadian?
PR: Does the 15 day DL
stint Gagne is starting with also apply to the exchange rate?
BB: I’d be worried about
the Dodgers bullpen but DePo will find four or five
generic relievers to fill inbetween Gagne and Wilson
Alvarez. Like Mike Venafro. Now Rippa can breathe
easy.
PR: Would that gap be the
buffet line? Poor big old Alvarez.
ED: I thought I was the one with a strange Venafro crush? What’s my gimmick?
BB: You..um…Dean?
BB: The thing about the
Dodgers is that they’re not all that exciting (and haven’t been since…say…I was
born) unless you actually live on the Left Coast. I tune them in and I see,
basically, the Red Sox on pot. I can smoke pot and watch the Red Sox myself
with mostly the same effect. The Dodgers need to be interesting. No – the press
box fondling themselves writing anti-nerd columns is
not interesting. No – retread Latin reliever parties are not interesting.
SAN FRANCISCO
GIANTS
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BB: I don’t even know
what to say about the Giants offseason moves. Let’s
try and find the positives, shall we? Hmmm.
PR: The state didn’t fall
into the ocean?
BB: No tsunamis. Aw – I
might as well just make a pope joke.
BB: Well, these old
players certainly aren’t blocking any young players, considering the Giants
total inability to develop a hitting prospect.
BB: The Giants, unlike
some other teams, aren’t racist: they will sign old white guys, old black guys,
old Hispanic guys, old guys with a fork in their back,
whoever – as long as your kids are in high school, they want you. HEY! That’s
it! They’re going to sign up their team’s progeny on the cheap and use them as
the jewels of their new farm system! Brian Sabean is
a genius again!!!
ED: Forget the 2004 Preview. Forget me. Just move along.
BB: At first I thought
this meant that you used this joke in the 2004 Preview and I jacked it but…I
don’t know what that means.
PR: The real question is
– is he closer to Mike Martz or Mike Shanahan?
BB: Some people will
probably complain that Pedro Feliz would break out if
he just got a full-time gig. Well, Pedro Feliz got
503 ABs last year. He hit .276/.305/.485. His
baseball-reference sponsor calls him the cornerstone of the future of Giants’
baseball. He turns 30 this year.
PR: HEY! That’s my
gimmick!
ED: There is nothing more to add to that, really.
BB: OH WAIT! I know! They
don’t have Neifi Perez anymore! That’s GOTTA be the answer.
ED: Aww, for once Neifi is the answer.
BB: Questions to which Neifi is the answer: “If your life depended on it, which
major league player would you be most likely to get out?” That’s actually the
only one.
PR: Sadly, Ed saying Neifi’s wouldn’t hit for a 600 OPS might be the only thing
we got right last year.
BB: Come on. THE LIONS!
PLAYOFF-BOUND, DADDY!
BB: The odd thing is that
this is a total red state team – Mike Matheny, Omar Vizquel,
black coffee, no parole, getting rid of Bobby Estalella
– in the most progressive area in the entire country. They’re like
bizarre-Oakland.
ED: Or the anti-Twins. Whichever.
BB: JT Snow had a
breakout season last year…at age 36? He hit .327/.429/.529! Him
repeating that is just a little bit more likely than Rick Reilly writing a
column about…well, I can’t just keep that joke to myself. I will give Rippa and
Ed a chance to finish it first.
ED: Umm…Barry Bonds’ ba—
BB: ...how Barry Bonds’
testicles are actual size – substituting the words in for “She’s Actual
Size”. Yes – now I have just angered
Rippa.
ED: Aww, crap!
PR: Fortunately, “She’s
Actual Size” is possibly my least favorite TMBG song. Aww…and
Bonds isn’t playing any time soon.
BB: Mike Matheny is SUCH
a perfect fit. You know the Giants had AJ Pierzynski
last year and thought – well, we like him, but he’s not….MVP enough for us;
and, of course, not old enough. Now, next year when the Giants win 90 games (40
of which from Barry Bonds alone), sportswriters can just give their votes to
Matheny and not have to worry about Bonds at all.
ED: Sure. Sportswriters will bastardize some stat
they really don’t understand – pro’lly CERA, of
course – and they’ll pick and chose things at random – like home ERA, since no
one’s quite grasped Pac Bell (or whatever it’s called these days) is a
pitcher’s park with Barry Bonds making it play small. Now how they’ll reconcile this with the road
ERA’s will be the deft trick of a veteran sportswriter. Obviously, they will…ignore the road ERA
completely since Matheny’s wife is such a good cook and his kids are perfect
angels and any time away from them is such a sacrifice that he will be given
bonus points for doing these things for the good of the team. Stick with me now, you’ve got to pretend
you’re really-really-really drunk like a good li’l
sportswriter – ‘course, if you’re on this site, odds
are good that you probably are good and drunk – so Matheny will be caught
coughing in the clubhouse. Oh, he won’t
have any sort of real affliction – other than a chronic case of the 0-4’s – but
a sportswriter will see him coughing, think of something serious, whisper it to
another sportswriter and – VOILA! “Brian’s Song” meets “Bang The
Drum Slowly.” Alcohol will rot your
brains, kids. Trust me.
BB: For some reason I imagine
Mike Matheny turning into Nicholas Cage’s character from Con Air over the
course of the season. Like, by August, he will just start playing games in a wifebeater and his hair will stick out of his helmet and
he’ll have an awful, awful Southern accent. …Yeah, alcohol will rot your
brains, kids.
PR: Does this mean
Matheny gets to sleep with Monica Potter? I could hate him based just on that.
BB: Aww
– I always watch that movie and think – John Cusack’s
character is gay and really, really wants to sleep with Nicholas Cage. Really really really does. Of course –
he is 5’3” and he gets laid more in a month than I ever will in my decrepit
little life. HEY! I have a boombox too you know.
|
Sabes Draft
Pretty Someday |
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Year |
Pick |
Pos |
Name |
From |
Result |
|
1996 |
7 |
P |
Matt White |
HS |
Loophole
Free Agent - |
|
1997 |
4 |
P |
Jason Grilli |
College |
Traded
to Florida (Hernandez) – AAA filler |
|
|
49 |
OF |
Dan McKinley |
College |
Never
developed power - |
|
1998 |
19 |
OF |
Tony Torcato |
HS |
Back-to-back
<700 OPS’s in AAA - useless |
|
|
25 |
P |
Nate Bump |
College |
Traded
to Florida (Hernandez) – mediocre at best reliever |
|
|
29 |
OF |
Arturo McDowell |
HS |
Out
of baseball by 2002 after posting 504 OPS in A, 450 in AA |
|
|
38 |
P |
Chris Jones |
HS |
Spent
four mediocre years in A ball, went to AA, put up a 6.40 ERA, out of baseball |
|
|
41 |
P |
Jeff Urban |
College |
Converted
to relief last year in AAA at 27, could be 12th pitcher this year |
|
1999 |
24 |
P |
Kurt Ainsworth |
College |
Traded
to Baltimore (Ponson) – freak injury has kept him
on the shelf |
|
|
39 |
P |
Jerome Williams |
HS |
Entering
3rd year in majors at age 23, Giants #2 starter |
|
2000 |
21 |
P |
Boof Bonser |
HS |
Traded
to Minnesota (Pierzynski) – had good year at AA,
projects as #3-#4 starter |
|
2001 |
21 |
P |
Brad Hennessey |
College |
Hurt
at first, made it to the majors last year but has shown no strikeout ability
whatsoever - so unless Kirk Rueter can pass his
secrets on, doomed to fail |
|
|
30 |
P |
Noah Lowry |
College |
Had
a good year as a starter for the Giants last year – probable Giants #4 |
|
|
41 |
OF |
Todd Linden |
College |
Probably
Giants best hitting prospect – kinda like being the
best defender on the Chiefs. Average hitter at best and he’s blocked, anyway |
|
2002 |
25 |
P |
Matt Cain |
HS |
Dominated
A-ball at 18 |
|
2003 |
22 |
P |
David Aardsma |
College |
Was
average in AAA and got promoted anyway – he got shelled and isn’t ready yet |
|
|
34 |
P |
Craig Whitaker |
HS |
Had
decent year in A-ball, could be anything |
BB: The Giants’ policy,
apparently, is to give away their first round picks in arbitration each year,
to not have to worry about spending the slot money on signing a player.
Instead, they prefer to draft players in later rounds and use the leftover
money to sign players who otherwise would probably go to college.
It’s…different. But is it a good idea? Well, it’d be pretty difficult to
quantify so far. But let’s look at the Giants previous first/supplemental rounders in the Sabean era:
BB: The problem for the
Giants isn’t really that they’re missing out on players for their system – the
problem is that they need those pitching prospects to get the veterans that the
Sabean machine craves. When they don’t have them,
they can’t grab that starter at the trade deadline – and will Brian Sabean be allowed in the Trader GM’s Lounge at the Winter
Meetings, then?
ED: Poor-poor Kenny Williams will be treated like
the easiest slut in the bar.
BB: Yes, I trust Ed will
write up what would happen at the Trader GM’s Lounge. If only
for the Bowden jokes alone.
ED: Well, I was trying to save the Jim Bowden
jokes for the NL East, actually. But if’n ya want…The ol’ Jim Bowden chestnut was that Bowden was the world’s
biggest Hammer fan. Both he and Hammer
were given the reigns of MLB teams far too early for no apparent reason other
then their owners were cheapskates and of course both have rhythm and moves to
burn. Of course, Bowden was on the Hammer
bandwagon back when “Turn This Mother Out” was a fresh joint – I’m pretty
certain I’m too white to have just written that. And, for fun, Bowden puts on his baggy Hammer
pants and dances around to “Can’t Touch This” like it was 1990. Well, really, who doesn’t? Anyhoo – so Bowden
– or as he likes the other GM’s to call him, MC Bowdes
– gets all fresh with it and kicks it all old school. I can see him doing this in the GM Lounge and
Theo having to ask Kevin Towers who this McHammer guy
was. And if you think that’s all wild
speculation, how do you explain Bowden’s continual signing of Deion Sanders if but to lay down some phat
moves to “2 Legit 2 Quit”? Yeah. That’s what I thought.
BB: I envision the Jim
Bowden – Pat Gillick feud of the late nineties where
they trade diss tracks like “OGM of da Trade Wire” and “Chillin’ in
August” but none compare to Bowden’s original classic – “Fi
Toolz”.
PR: I am not hip enough
to add to this portion of the preview.
BB: Really Sabean is living off of two things – Bonds and the Schmidt
trade. It’s more than other GMs have done, true, but you don’t hear anyone talk
about the White Flag trade anymore – people must be distracted by Keith Foulke’s World Series ring.
ED: Aww, fifteen
minutes of Danny Darwin! Who wouldn’t
give Foulke up for that?
BB: The girls
disappointed by Hee Seop Choi?
PR: Hold up – are the
girls disappointed by Choi interested in Foulke or Darwin? I mean, Danny Darwin would probably love
the attention right about now.
BB: I always get Danny
Darwin and Mark Gardner confused. I’m not even going to make the joke that this
leads in to.
BB: As ugly and risky as
the Giants hitting is, the pitching is even worse off. Jason Schmidt MIGHT be
the best pitcher in the National League…and he pitched 225 innings last
season…do you want to rely on him doing it again? Moises
Alou isn’t known for nibbling on arms, but he might
not have a choice.
ED: That’s something. I thought Felipe would be
doing the managing. What do I know?
BB: I told you he wasn’t
known for it. And you know Felipe is a figurehead at this point.
PR: I have been wrestling
with something all winter. Who has the more valuable “mother” – the Boones or
the Alous? I am thinking that the Boones have the
slight edge right now because Momma Boone has all that insurance money that Ray
must have left her.
BB: Let’s just say
Schmidt throws 225 innings again. Brett Tomko had an
adequate year last year and it’s not like he’s a prospect anymore – he’s 32 and
this is the first year he’s had with an ERA+ above 100 since his rookie season.
Kirk Rueter is finally fulfilling the sabermetric
prophecies that have been assigned to him – a 4.73 ERA in Pac Bell is Van Landinghamian.
PR: Oh and not only did
Schmidt toss 225 innings... he had pitch counts of 120
or more 10 times. Poor little arm.
BB: So then basically,
the Giants are hoping that the regression of Rueter
and Tomko is offset by growth by Williams and Lowry.
Williams has decent enough control but his strikeout rate is pretty low
PR: Since I have probably
used up all my Jerome Williams, basketball player jokes, here is his
sponsorship
“Get your tickets to see
Jerome and his puka shells take the mound at SBC
Park.”
BB: The other problem
that will affect all of the Giants pitchers is that the Giants defense is going
to be soooo ugly next season. Snow is, at this point,
a good defensive first baseman. Durham’s adequate. Everyone else has, through
injury or aging, regressed to the point where they’re below average. This
entire team is made up of six-inning players, which will probably result in the
Giants bullpen (which will suck anyway) being accused of not being clutch when
the reality is that the creaky bones of the Giants defense will let anything
hit faster than Little G on a full pipe through.
ED: Aww, you poop on
Omar Vizquel. You know, Omar saves teams…3-400 runs
annually. And he’s a piece. Why you gotta hate
on Omar?
PR: Is the San Fran hype
machine as great as the Cincy hype machine? And
someone owes me something for all those bum “Edgardo
Alfonso is a sleeper pick” from the last few years. Grr...
BB: As a sign of how
little sleep Rippa’s gotten since the birth of his
son – this originally read “Edgardo Alfonzo is a
sleepy pick”.
BB: So yeah – if everything
breaks right, Bonds remains Bonds and stays healthy, Alou
has another big year, the pitching stays healthy…this team could win 100 games.
If everything goes wrong, they could lose 100. Prospectus has them winning…85.
I guess it beats being the Pirates.
PR: Aww...
Bonds isn’t healthy. Maybe Prospectus knows
something... much to the chagrin of the Blue Jays.
ED: Meh. Felipe Alou is no
Lloyd McClendon.
BB: So of course, while
we’ve been writing this, Bonds’ knee injury has gone from day-to-day to ready
by the season starts to missing a month to maybe missing all season. Whatever.
SAN DIEGO PADRES
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Player |
2002 |
Since |
Verdict |
|
Jason Bay
(OF) |
Traded to Padres, 979 OPS at AA |
Traded to Pirates in Giles deal – 2004 NL ROY |
Difference between him and Giles not worth Perez
– Oliver or Pascual OR Melido |
|
Tagg Bozied (1B) |
923 OPS (A) 657 OPS (AA) |
Couldn’t hit in AA or AAA – but had great
shortened year in AAA last year until he tore his ACL celebrating a home run |
Already 26, trapped behind unmovable Nevin, fields like DH |
|
Josh
Barfield (2B) |
743 OPS (A) |
Had big 2003 in high-A…failed at AA |
22 now, can’t really handle 2B, not enough power
to move elsewhere |
|
Sean
Burroughs (3B) |
827 OPS (AAA) |
Walk rate has regressed, power stagnant, hits
like Alex Sanchez without speed |
Padres organization has begun smear campaign
against him for being obstinate, seems like future Dodger |
|
Jake Gautreau (IF) |
784 OPS (A) |
Didn’t make it at AA, suffered through injuries
(including colitis), traded to Indians |
Total failure to develop |
|
Khalil Greene (SS) |
1429 OPS |
Best rookie in the NL last year, probably a
little fluky with power |
Most successful Padre development, but not going
to become superstar |
|
Xavier
Nady (OF) |
962 OPS (A) 751 OPS (AA) all at age 23 |
Finally hit in AAA for the first time in 2004,
715 career major league OPS |
Was supposed to be cleanup hitter, superstar
college hitting prospect. Prospectus thinks he’s Glenn Wilson. Padres
expected more |
BB: Last year and in previous
seasons, I was on the Padres’ junk like tabloidmen on
Jose Mourinho. And with good reason, I think – they
had the core of a great team stewing in the minors and grabbing time in the
majors. By 2002, they had one of the deeper farm systems in baseball seemingly
about to pump out 10-12 members of a championship team. And then…they didn’t.
Breaking it up into offense and defense:
BB: So the Padres had
what essentially was a full starting lineup – not including D’Angelo
Jimenez, who they traded away in midseason – and of them, two players have
developed and only one remains a Padre.
PR: Aww…
you are so bitter about the Sean Burroughs thing. You and Primer cry. And is
the Xavier Nady dream dead yet? I mean when you are platooning with Dave Roberts, it might time to cut your
losses and move on. He will, of course, get another shot when Ryan Klesko misses his usual 60 games.
BB: The pitching has been
slightly better:
|
Player |
2002 |
Since |
Verdict |
|
Adam
Eaton |
Bruce Bochy nibbled on
arm too much in 2001, out with arm injuries |
Spent 2003 and 2004 in Padres rotation, getting
expensive and at 27 appears to be a good #3 starter |
28 homers in 199 IP at Petco
isn’t exactly ace stuff but Eaton has turned out to be acceptable after his Bochy-led slagging |
|
Ben
Howard |
After great 2001, had 2 good months in AA, got
promoted to AAA and then the majors and failed at both |
Has been average at AAA, mediocre in the majors.
Traded in 2004 for relief prospect Blaine Neal who was then traded for…Adam Hyzdu. |
Was probably oversold after 2001, considering
he’d been horrible in the low minors before; not going to turn into anything |
|
Jake Peavy |
Had 3 great months in AA, got promoted to
majors, held his own |
Had a mediocre 2003 but then broke out in 2004
with 166 innings of ace-caliber pitching. |
I’m a little concerned about his health but if
he remains healthy, Padres have their ace |
|
Oliver
Perez |
Blew away A and AA, excellent 90 innings in MLB |
Best pitcher no one’s heard of – 11 K/9 in the
majors at age 23…for Pittsburgh |
Going to blow out his arm, but best young
pitcher in baseball – Prior included – until he does. Worth more than Giles
alone |
|
Dennis
Tankersley |
Pitched 51 innings exactly in AA, AAA, and MLB –
the first two worked out, the third didn’t |
Infinite ERA in 2003 for the majors, 5.14 in
2004 |
Traded to KC in the Darrell May trade, will
eventually become nifty reliever |
BB: So out of the 12
prospects the Padres were developing that should’ve made up the core of their
next great team, they themselves are left with a good shortstop, a #1a starter,
and a #3 starter. The complete failure of everyone else to develop, combined with
the Giles trade, is why I can’t offer them my full endorsement.
ED: You know, that
ballpark is only two years old. Just
saying is all.
BB: So, of course, watch Nevin and Klesko blow out their
knees and Nady and Bozied bust
out.
ED: Did you know that ballpark is only two years
old?
PR: That better not be in
dog years.
BB: The other problem
with this team is that, for a team that seems to be full of young players,
there’s a whole bunch of old ugliness here. Nevin, Klesko, and Mark Loretta were the core of the team last
year, they’re turning 34, 34, and 33 respectively, and all of them seem set to
lose some of their offensive value from a year ago. Loretta’s sudden doubles
power is Boone-esque for a middle infielder but I am
just going to keep my mouth shut.
ED: Well, Loretta didn’t just balloon up into a
muscleman and appear to have a porcupine in his back pocket like a certain
Seattle second baseman did.
PR: Mark Loretta – When
Mike Lansing and Odell Hale just won’t do.
BB: Brian Giles clearly
was acquired a year too late in his career by the Padres. He posted his lowest
OBP since breaking into the majors last year, and the fact that it cost them
Bay (who outhit him last year) and Perez (who would
turn the Padres from a starter away from contending to the Oakland Big Three++)
just makes it worse.
ED: Aww, I was all
prepared to make a Don Mattingly joke and then realized Giles was in the
playoffs with the Tribe way back when. Stupid facts.
PR: Remember how unknown
Giles was when he was with the Pirates? Then he gets traded to the Padres and
becomes... forgotten.
BB: Believe you me – I
hear lots of people say nice things about Dave Roberts. I read articles in the
Boston newspapers about how real Red Sox fans – real baseball insiders –
understand that Dave Roberts won them the World Series. And sure, that was a
nifty little stolen base he had there. But I’m not sure when everyone decided
he would universally solve the Padres problems. He hasn’t been THAT great of a
centerfielder, he’s turning 33, and he’s got a career line of .259/.335/.344.
And people are jumping over themselves talking about how the Red Sox should’ve
kept him (despite the fact that both Trot Nixon and Johnny Damon are also left-handed)
and how he’s going to steal 140 bases and how no fly balls will ever drop in
ever again. I am no expert or no baseball insider. But if you make 460 outs,
you’re not helping anyone.
ED: Some day you will learn about the
intangibles. Who brings the ugly like
Dave Roberts, huh? You think it’s easy
for Sean Burroughs to get girls looking like he does? It is not. Sure, the mongoloid look gets ya sympathy, but it doesn’t work with getting the chicks in
the sack. I hear. I wouldn’t know. I’m all-GQ.
But what Dave Roberts brings is a whole lot of ugly to hang out with
Sean Burroughs so the desperate Baseball Annies can
go with the kid at closing time. And a
happy Sean Burroughs is…something.
BB: God please make the
ugliness stop.
PR: Ed is so getting tons
of angry email from a mongoloid after this preview. Not counting the Mark
Moseley one, of course.
BB: The Padres scored 768
runs last year. I (and Prospectus) don’t see them scoring that much next year,
which means they’ll need to give up fewer runs if they want to improve on their
record. Basically, that means Woody Williams and Darrell May have to outpitch Jumbo Wells and Ismael Valdez and the rest of the
fifth starter march AND Peavy has to stay healthy AND
the bullpen has to stay together. Not happening.
PR: This is funny because
Darrell May probably isn’t even going to make the starting 5. And Bill has
turned his back on the Diet Butcher. You have shamed the federal agent. Oh and
has anyone explained to Dennys Reyes that he isn’t in
Kansas City anymore? That had to have been a great conversation.
BB: Well – Otsuka is wonderful and I am sure he will ride that Marco Ruas win for a while longer but he’s already old.
ED: Hey, they’ve got a
two year-old ball park! Bring the kids!
BB: But keep them away
from Dave Roberts! Or Sean Burroughs?
PR: Sean Burroughs: At
least I have more World Series rings than my Dad!
COLORADO ROCKIES
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BB: So now Dan O’Dowd is
blaming his own cockiness and smarminess for not building the team from within
in the early part of the decade, and that the only way for the Rockies to
compete – this time around – is by developing a whole team of talented players.
It’s good to at least see O’Dowd has been sliced by Occam’s Razor – if you have sucky players, you will suck, regardless of where it is
that you choose to suck – but the only problem with this strategy is that the
Rockies haven’t actually developed anyone. Their farm system is beginning to,
but really there’s no hope for the Rockies until the Hampton and Neagle contracts come off the books (hopefully for the
Rockies – their termination of the Neagle contract
will be approved) and in all honesty, the Helton contract too. Until then, the
Rockies should have one goal – bringing in mid-level offensive free agents (hey
Dustan Mohr!), pumping up their stats, and trading them to the dumber general
managers.
PR: I find it really
funny that probably the best move the Rockies made all offseason
happened less than a week before the season started, as they were able to
finally offload Charles Johnson and his contract. Of course, it required them
to take on Byung-Hyun Kim but... yeah...
ED: God, do we have to look?
BB: Neagle,
if the contract voiding is upheld, will lose $19 million for a $40 “sex act”
from a prostitute.
ED: Yeah. Well…since we can’t work blue…
PR: B.J. Surhoff has made approximately $34 million in his career. Obviously, Neagle’s B.J. far more expensive.
Mind you, for the difference in price, I am sure B.J. would have delivered the
B.J.
BB: Yes, I am comfortable
building my NL-only fantasy team around Dustan Mohr and Garrett Atkins. Don’t
disturb me.
PR: God, they really are
starting 5 rookies this year, aren’t they?
BB: I honestly have no
clue who’s playing shortstop for the Rockies this
year. I have never ever heard of Clint Barmes. He had
a pretty mediocre year for Colorado Springs in 2004, hitting .322 but with no
walks and, for Colorado, not very much power. Prospectus doesn’t like him and I
don’t, either. Bring on Walt Weiss.
PR: There are lots of
guys I haven’t heard of on the Rockies. Barmes I am
going to guess has far less spectacular hair than Royce Clayton. I am going to
lean on the side of liking J.D. Closser just because
the Diamondbacks gave up on him. That usually bodes well for the other team.
Another enjoyable thing is all the folks badmouthing Garrett Atkins because he
won’t be able to put up the numbers that Vinny Castilla did last year. RBI LEADER! The Rockies finished
68-94 last year. If they drop 6 games to 100 losses, does it really matter that
847 year old Castilla wasn’t around? They will still
be as bad as Arizona.
ED: Erick Almonte must really hate life at this point.
BB: Come on – there is
nothing greater than being a YANKEE! Oh – wait – I mean – A CLIPPER!
PR: How much are you
going to have to pay Ed after you are done kicking him in the jimmy?
BB: Dustan Mohr, on the
other hand, I am very excited about. A .394 OBP in San
Francisco? Moving to Colorado? I am giddy.
PR: Aww...
this is always fun. Because then you go look at what the SCOUTS~! say and you see that they say “Mohr is an extra outfielder
at best.” And then we laugh and laugh and laugh.
BB: It’s really sad when
your best memories really aren’t fond at all. The Rockies’ peak was 1995, when
they squeaked into the playoffs to get beat by the Braves in 4 games. Now,
losing to the Braves in the playoffs is enough to bring up bad memories, but
it’s the only positive thing the Rockies have to go on for the course of their
entire existence. I’m sure there is a pasty white guy (much like myself but
older) who was 22 in 1995. Maybe he just graduated from community college, he
thinks the city got a bum rap in Dumb and Dumber, and he’s very excited about
the Mike Shanahan era. Yes, he thinks Mike Shahanan’s
a little sexy. He lives a half hour away and drives in to the city for weekends
and when he does, he parks his car and goes to the club with his buddies Mitch
and Ray. There they get down to the hit of the summer – Freak Like Me by Adina Howard. 1 to the 2...2 to the 3…Adina
do you wanna get freaky with me? And the Rockies
– the Rockies are Adina Howard, the girl who has to
advertise how crazy she is as a facet of her personality, the team that gets
looked at through colored glasses every single second of their existence. Their
bizarre frayed edges, their false skills and drug-fueled explosions, those
benefits are fleeting and quickly exposed as improper and irrelevant in almost
every other context. Like Adina Howard, the Rockies
shouldn’t have been successful in 1995, and really, they weren’t. And they have
been nothing since.
ED: Well, I’m officially on the wrong side of the
generation gap, now. Thanks for
clarifying that, Bill.
BB: Does that mean you’re
down with Adina Howard or not down?
PR: I guess since I don’t
know who or what Adina Howard is – I am in Ed’s camp.
I miss John Denver.
BB: The Rockies do have
some things to look forward to, though. Jeff Francis is probably the safest
pitching prospect in baseball when you don’t account for his park – even with it, Francis is the best pitcher the Rockies have developed.
The previous holder of that title, Chin-Hui Tsao, appears set to become a closer because of worries
about his arm strength. He can’t possibly be worse than Shawn Chacon.
ED: Denny Neagle’s
“friend” couldn’t have sucked more than Chacon. Whoops.
BB: Maybe the gimmick was
that Neagle’s friend WAS Chacon. Hmmm….
PR: Hehehehe
– this is fun. Tsao was horrific in camp AND
developed shoulder tendinitis and got placed on the
60 day DL. So the Rockies traded for BYK... I am guessing they are operating
under the “they all look the same” idea. Kim most likely will end being the
closer. I most likely will be desperate for saves and draft him. (This would
also be a good time to point out that in Kim’s first appearance for Colorado
this Spring – he gave up 8 runs) Sigh.... And the best
description I have read in the last 5 minutes: “Aaron Taylor is Jeff Nelson
with better stuff.” But does Taylor have a rap sheet in Boston? An Ebay account?
PR: Poor little Joe
Kennedy. Has the best pitching season in Coors history (I swear I thought I
misread his ERA+ the first time I looked at it), one that is pretty much
ignored. Has to try it again while surrounding by even more bantha fodder. OH! and
Chacon as a starter.
PR: Darren Oliver – “At
least I am not James Baldwin”.
BB: There are a bunch of
prospects on the offensive side of the ledger, too, especially 3B Ian Stewart,
who – assuming he does not develop Parkinson’s – appears to be the second
superstar infielder the Rockies will develop.
PR: They may or may not
have one in the outfield. I mean Matt Holliday had a really really
great April... and then a passable rest of the season – a 98 OPS+. He also
claimed he was going to steal more bases. Maybe he is the future of DISRUPTIVE
SPEED~!
BB: So, essentially,
there’s nothing really here. Some players will have big years. Some players
will not. Their prospects will develop further. Check back next year when more
salary comes off of the books. It’s all
good for me…
ED: And maybe by then they can pawn Preston
Wilson off on the Mets or the Angels or something. Either way, I don’t care.
BB: A one to the two, a two to the three, Pres-ton-How-ard do you wanna get freaky with
me? Anna is getting giddy.
PR: Preston Wilson – For
five bucks, I will tell you the story of how I was once ranked #8 by yahoo!
|
PR: Since we always
slack on the Rockies, I decided this space needed to be filled up somehow. I
decided to take Ryne Sandberg's Colorado Rockies
preview and turn it into a Mad Lib. What follows are Bill, Ed and my wife's
responses (well I very well couldn't do it since I knew the original text): |
|
BB: Guns: The Spammers may
begin and end with Alejandro Pena. Squawking in the crummy foreplay of Beirut
is always a good thing, but in this case, I think it favors the schism.
Still, the dandruff is taking the right course in rebuilding and attempting
to tally icicles. Conundrums: The middle
of the gratitude lacks patella. I wonder if Helton is going to get any
oranges to round all year because he has no mare. He'd be ornate to see a hypocrisy to hit every game. There's dusty pitching as
well. With that novelty birthday cake, the pitching could be peckish. Outlook: The pride is
going to get dry-humped. The Colorado schools are going to have to go to the
7-11 with a wait-until-next-Ladies' Night frame of mind and enjoy seeing the
plural nouns on the ridding harbingers. |
|
ED: Cancers: The Piratas may begin and end with Jose Cardenal.
Screwing in the severe tube of Washington is always a good thing,
but in this case, I think it favors the dandruff. Still, the bikini is taking
the right course in rebuilding and attempting to think stations. Officials: The middle
of the barcode lacks sandwich. I wonder if Helton is going to get any
magicians to pose all year because he has no fetus. He'd be misleading to see
a gun to hit every game. There's horrible pitching as well. With that zoo,
the pitching could be ironic Outlook: The cemetery
is going to get injured. The cops are going to have to go to the stage with a
wait-until-next-Spring Break frame of mind and enjoy seeing the babies on the
viewing toddlers. |
|
PR: And my wife’s
(notice whose is the cleanest) People: The Braves may
begin and end with Babe Ruth. Jumping in the purple dog of Athens is always a
good thing, but in this case, I think it favors the pillow. Still, the car is
taking the right course in rebuilding and attempting to blink books. Cats: The middle of the
television lacks trees. I wonder if Helton is going to get any ducks to eat
all year because he has no sock. He'd be soft to see a baby to hit every
game. There's cold pitching as well. With that school, the pitching could be
mean. Outlook: The eyeball is
going to get pooped. The baseballs are going to have to go to space with a
wait-until-next-Rolling Stone’s concert frame of mind and enjoy seeing the
computers on the flying windows. |
|
PR: Oh, and I should
provide the original text: Strengths: The
strengths may begin and end with Todd Helton. Hitting in the thin air of Denver
is always a good thing, but in this case, I think it favors the opponent.
Still, the organization is taking the right course in rebuilding and
attempting to develop players. Weaknesses: The middle
of the lineup lacks punch. I wonder if Helton is going to get any pitches to
hit all year because he has no protection. He'd be lucky to see a strike to
hit every game. There's insufficient pitching as well. With that ballpark,
the pitching could be scary. Outlook: This team is
going to get beat up. The fans are going to have to go to the ballpark with a
wait-until-next-year frame of mind and enjoy seeing the stars on the visiting
teams. |
THE ARIZONA
DIAMONDBACKS PLAY IN THE NL WEST TOO
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BB: The Diamondbacks are
that friend you have who never seems to have a dime – they’re always
complaining about how poor they are, they never want to split a check with you
if you go to dinner or – gasp – pay for it, they come to your house, they eat
your food, they never invite you over. But one day they show up at your house
in a brand new car and you ask them – where’d you get the money for that? And
they say, invariably – oh, we were saving up. We put some money aside. They
conveniently forget about their debts and obligations when it comes time to buy
some new gimmick. The Diamondbacks are like that friend but mixed with your
alcoholic friend.
ED: Friggin’ gimme back my $5 and that Ramones
tape! Grrr.
PR: Aww...
and I so wanna start naming names.
BB: So the Diamondbacks
need to cut payroll and deal Curt Schilling and have a horrible season and need
to trade away Randy Johnson. OK. So then, after you trade away Johnson, you…use
the leftover money to sign a bunch of free agents? Huh? The Troy Glaus and Russ Ortiz signings are comically, inexcusably
bad – they’re not as bad as Matt Williams or Jay Bell, but they are the
slightly improved versions of those moves.
PR: I so wanna defend Jay Bell again like last year but Jay Bell in
AZ, yeah not so much. Anyway – those Glaus and Ortiz
signings were really really random. Of course, if you
are Fanball, you still have Glaus
playing for the Angels two games before the regular season starts. 4 years, $45
million for Glaus (11.25 a year), 4 years, $33
million for Ortiz (8.25 a year). To me that says
Arizona spent a whole lotta money on crystal (which
didn’t really play in this red state last year) and a .500 pitcher who gives up
a bunch of home runs and allows lots and lots of walks.
ED: The D-Back won a World Series with Bell and
Williams. The 17 D-Back fans remaining
flip you the bird, Bill.
BB: It’s ok – they are
deteriorating at rapid speeds in the air-conditioned trap of the BOB.
BB: The other weird thing
is that the Diamondbacks actually have a marginally useful farm system now,
developing a bunch of outfield prospects and corner infielders. So why go sign
Shawn Green to a long-term contract? Why go sign Troy Glaus
to a long-term contract? Why…why would you want a Royce Clayton? Wasn’t Roberto
Alomar enough?
PR: Royce Clayton –
tricking folks into paying me for 14 years. I make this .684 OPS look good.
ED: Jeffrey Moorad is a
players agent, baby!
He had them with hello.
BB: God, giving an agent
the book is a bad idea.
BB: Jose Cruz isn’t the
worst guy to trade for in the world, but I still think Casey Fossum’s gonna be good, even if
it’s just as a lefty reliever. No – not a LOOGY – an actual
reliever.
PR: Jose Cruz Jr. – I
have brought shame to my father’s name
ED: Aww,
youth. Times when you would spend energy
caring about something like a pitcher on the D-Backs.
BB: It’s so sad. They
don’t try. Why should I?
PR: I am trying to decide
if I would rather pitch for Arizona or Washington. I think with the D-Backs it
will all depend on if they confused me for Randy Johnson or Richie
Sexson because I have the tall, gangly and ugly parts
down.
BB: Luis Gonzalez is 37
and had a…questionable peak. But I’m not a BASEBALL MAN! So what do I know?
Shawn Green’s 32 and coming off of chronic shoulder injuries.
PR: But he is a lefty.
Arizona loves lefties. I swear Bob Melvin is trying to create some sort of
weird LOOGY lineup.
ED: Best case
scenario? Chuck D actually gets to
Arizona like he promised.
BB: You mean Chuck
McElroy?
BB: I’d really like to
think that Chad Tracy will be the starter at first for the Diamondbacks but
another part of me knows Tony Clark will have the job soon enough.
ED: There’s a part of me that says Dennis Green
would give Tony Clark a shot as a decoy receiver too. It’s Arizona.
I quit trying to figure that state out long ago.
BB: Hmm…he has the
height…horseface…Tony Clark will be your 2005
Cardinals starting QB. And he will last just as long as everyone else does –
two and a half quarters. Playing quarterback, he will still be more valuable
than he was as a Red Sock.
PR: Okay, the candidates
for first base were:
PR: How this team has
never had J.T. Snow is beyond me.
BB: Javier Vazquez IS a
nifty staff ace and a great choice to have a rebound year, even in the BOB.
Brandon Webb IS a really good sinkerball pitcher…but Arizona WILL have an ugly infield defense. Shawn Estes IS the definition
of veteran presence. Russ Ortiz IS the absolute worst allocation of funds all offseason. What’s with pitchers who walk 100 guys (Ortiz
and Estes and Victor Zambrano) suddenly being
valuable? You know Jose DeJesus and Edwin Correa and
Mark Gubicza and Floyd Youmans
and Rich Robertson and Danny Jackson and Matt Young and and
Zane Smith and Kevin Ritz are bumming around right now trying to become high
school pitching coaches, teaching their charges to NEVER GIVE IN and that a
walk is better than a home run. Well, maybe not Matt Young.
PR: Oh sweet Jesus – I
need an audio feed of a Floyd Youmans job interview.
PR: Shawn Estes – I
pitched in Coors and all I got was this lousey
T-Shirt.
PR: And I swear that we
are not sponsoring Brandon Webb’s page
Robert is Awesome (He Rocks It in Makeout City)
Here's hoping that Webb realizes his
full potential and becomes a non-crazy version of Kevin Brown. Also, that he
finds his way to an organization that prefers pennants to "veteran
presence" and "fan favorites."
ED: I honestly don’t care enough about this team
to try and think up anything remotely funny at this point.
BB: Ooh – ooh – I am
using that excuse too.
BB: The Diamondbacks will
be better than they were last year. Of course, they could’ve rolled out the
same 25 guys and been better. They will win about 75 games and everyone will
sit down and wonder – why’d we do that for? The cheapskate crashes their car,
and then they’ll inevitably ask you to borrow yours. So when the Diamondbacks
are trying to get $20 from you next year – just say no.
ED: Friggin’ gimme back my $5 and that Ramones
tape! All I want is my five bucks and
that Ramones tape you said you give back to me! How hard is it to remember? It can’t take that long to dub a tape! And five bucks! I saw you buy that pack of smokes! You had the five bucks! Gimme my five
bucks!
BB: Aww…Ed
soured on the Ramones for life after that. And I mean
– it was Ohio. There could only be like two or three copies of progressive
music in the entire state. Poor fella.
PR: Aww...
and I said that they would still be worse than the Rockies.