2007 AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL PREVIEW
ED: Ed Agner : BB: Bill Barnwell : PR: Phil Rippa
LISTED IN ORDER OF 2006 FINISH!!!  THIS IS NOT A PREDICTION!!!

ED: For the record, while cleaning this up, I had to replace 49 F bombs and 13 references to fecal matter.  Sadly, you are looking at only the PG 13 version of this.

PR: Also for the record, five of us where each going to start a division (Justin is un-American and hates baseball). That left one division leftover and Bill stated that the only way that would get done is if we did it in a chat form. Well, at least, that is one thing that sorta went according to plan.
MINNESOTA TWINS

2006 Record: 95-66, Won AL Central, Lost to A’s in ALDS

ADDITIONS: Pitchers… I guess… Ramon Ortiz and Sidney Ponson

DEPARTURES: P Brad Radke, P Mike Smith

2006 OVERVIEW: 
ED: Mmm, confuse ‘em with pastiness.


ED: Phil said something about pooping on his pc
PR: Its because I am sitting far away from my monitor and my eyes suck
PR:  so my typing will be worse than normal
ED: aww
BB: aww - we are already cursing
ED: that's what the Central does to you
ED: so the Twins?
BB: are the twins overrated or underrated at this point?
ED: overrated
PR:  underrated because they cant challenge the MIGHTY WHITE SOX AND TIGERS!!!!
ED: since everyone is on their li'l Kirby's
ED: Sporting News picked them to win the WS over the Mets
PR:  aww... you still love to read the Sporting News
BB: well i am sure the sporting news mascot would love to get him some justin morneau
BB: and speaking of -- should he get more or less credit for winning the MVP while being the fifth best player on his team?
ED: CANADIAN MVP JUSTIN MORNEAU, BITCH!!!
BB: ooh - every sport should award a canadian mvp
PR:  oh like it could figure out which one was Justin Morneau - I mean it would get confused between him, Joe Mauer
ED: see, I am content with Morneau winning the MVP
PR:  and the other pasty white guys
BB: do you think mike restovich is bitter yet?
ED: since if you re-evaluate his stats based on the Canadian exchange rate, it was a monster season
BB: awww...poor poor american dollar
PR:  Jason Bay would die for a Canadian MVP trophy
BB: i mean -- restovich is a puffy white twins guy too and i think he is playing for durham right now
BB: of course, the best things were the articles about how twins fans could be happy they
dealt away david ortiz now
BB: you know tom kelly is trying to screw with ortiz still somehow
ED: Shouldn't the Canadian MVP be called the Matt Stairs award?
BB: like trying-to-reenact-"the fan"
PR:  I am also amused that we are making the pasty white guy references at the same time as I am trying to work on my Simmons/Affleck/Steven King Office
Space joke for the Red Sox section
BB: just because matt stairs eats lots of donuts doesn't make him tim horton
BB: we're not talking bad about simmons in this, are we?
ED: aww
BB: i might get in trouble
BB: er
BB: --trouble
PR:  aww...
ED: wait - did you see the story about Ben making that Red Sox fans for kids video, Phil?
BB: awww...now we are getting way off the al central
PR:  wait a second - Matt Stairs is on the Blue Jays now
PR:  what does he have to do with the Twins
PR:  I am so confused
ED: the AL Central is way off track already
ED: and for the record, I am calling the Indians to win the Central
PR:  this is like how Ed confused me into not thinking that HSC and Carlos Pena signed with the D-Rays
ED: because, you know, someone else has to win it
ED: and it won't be the Royals
ED: aww, you're the one who thought Pena was still with the Sox, Phil
PR:  it also wont be that dead stalker fan girl either
PR:  poor poor Cleveland
ED: wait?
ED: you mean those Trenton stalkers who were at the Clipper game last year died?
PR:  The one who loved Grady Sizemore or one of the other Indians
ED: Steve Olin?
PR:  That reminds me - has anyone told the Trenton stalkers that they need not go to Columbus anymore
BB: who were the trenton stalkers stalking?
PR:  Anyone who played for teh Trenton Yankees
ED: Bronson Sardinha
ED: and Tyler Beam
ED: mostly
BB: ok - brb
BB: and when i come back - no more al east discussion
PR:  hehehehe
PR:  like you didnt expect this to happen
ED: exactly
BB: here -- i will throw out a topic for discussion
ED: I mean it's the AL Central
ED: well, I will throw this out
BB: is ron gardenhire a dwarf
BB has left the room.
ED: ooo
ED: no
ED: dwarves are good luck
PR:  aww... Bill is going to need to get invited back in
ED: he is drunk already
PR:  and I enjoy that one of Chris Shelton's comps is Craig Wilson
PR:  Poor poor Craig Wilson
ED: besides, I want to buy a midget one day
ED: and I don't want Gardenhire
ED: preferable a Canadian midget
ED: but not a French Canadian midget
ED: that's too weird
ED: ok
PR:  okay - one of us needs to figure out how to invite Bill back in
ED: so I had a dream last night
ED: where I made a John Kurk joke
ED: Bruk,
ED: FUDGE!
ED: Kruk
ED: but when I woke up this morning I remembered it and it wasn't funny
ED: I think I just invited him
ED: I am not sure
PR:  there we go
ED: I assume he is talking to the Pats about a Voros position with them
ED: yeah, I am just happy racist cube neighbor finally left for the day
ED: ok
ED: Bill is clearly making out with his amish neighbors
PR:  aww... he wandered away
PR:  or his computer died
PR:  he will blame the snow
ED: or the amish neighbor is making him shovel snow again
PR:  aww... he was tired from raising the barn
ED: hehehehehe
ED: maybe he stepped outside in the snow
ED: and due to his pastiness got lost
ED: or plowed away
ED: aww
ED: he is back on line
ED: sonofabitch
PR:  if he doesnt come back this time - I am going outside to shovel
ED: i cracked my head on my desk
ED: poop
ED: I saw stars
PR:  hehehehe
PR:  okay - try inviting Bill again
PR:  since its fudgeing up on my end
BB has entered the room.
BB: fudgeing AOL
ED: there we go
ED: goddamn my hear heurts
PR:  yay - now I can delay shoveling
PR: ED (5:34:16 PM): i cracked my head on my desk  
PR: ED (5:35:13 PM): poop  
PR: ED (5:35:16 PM): I saw stars
ED: stuped pager
BB: what - did someone get a paper cut and you freaked out?
ED: hehehehe
ED: cat food can
ED: no
ED: i went to charge the pager
ED: but when i got back up form plugging in the charger
ED: i cracked my head on the desk
BB: clearly you need to not charge the pager
PR:  hehehehe
BB: and are the stars clearer because you're in the midwest?
ED: i hope its a concussion
ED: bastards
BB: awww - i wish i could think of a twin who had a concussion to segue back in
BB: poor poor corey koskie
ED: well, the only one with a head injury is Gardenhire
BB: ok - so - back to my question
BB: gardenhire? dwarf?
BB: or just a troll?
PR:   garden gnome
PR:   God damn weird format
BB: is there any fear then that ozzie might kick him when he's at the metrodome one day and break him?
ED: I could see Gardenhire's daughter marrying a member of the Dwarves
BB: wait - GARDENHIRE MATED?!?
BB: that's a brave woman willing to sit through peroxide burns
ED: how else do you explain Tyner getting playing time last season?
PR:  or a fat chick
ED: Gardenhire is a fat chick?
BB: awww...they are real lonely
PR:  and they cant run away as ease
ED: is he like, Torrrrriiiiiii Hunter's slumbusters
PR:  plus Gardenhire could use her as warmth
ED: SLUMBUSTER!!!
PR:  aww... is that the Mets Triple A stadium
ED: I want to make a Rudy G joke but no way I am attemptiong ot spell that last name
BB: i am still waiting on the 30 STADIUMS...Bill will try to sleep with list
BB: awww...that is why he's not going to be president
ED: how is Bill going to sleep with a stadium?
PR:  on a side note - there was a day at work where 2 different adults in the span of a hour asked me who Barack Obama was
BB: clearly not by buying them baseball tickets
PR:  Poor poor presidential chances
BB: awww...did they hate him cause of 9/11
PR:  probably because he was black
BB: well that is obvious
ED: OK
ED: I am so lost
BB: do we need to explain who barack obama is?
ED: aww
BB: because personally - i hope that is the case
ED: well, I am in the Midwest
BB: ooh wait - let me guess
BB: you forgot where the bathroom was
ED: oh no
PR:  I was going to say Ed peed on himself
BB: or on the pager
PR:  but he is old and I question his bladder control
ED: at my age, I always know where the bathroom is
ED: what does this have to do with the Twins?
BB: ok so then what are you confused about, ed?
BB: nothing.
ED: grr
ED: stuoid head injuries
BB: are the twins even relevant this year with liriano suffering his boo-boo?
ED: no
ED: they overperformed last year
BB: because i mean that leaves them with santana, umm...boof bonser...
ED: Garza
BB: maybe burt blyleven wants to increase his HOF chances and will come back
ED: Phil and I will need a moment to weep for Brad Radke
ED: I know I will still end up picking him for my fantasy team
ED: I am certain Phil fell asleep now
BB: i mean it just seems a little strange
BB: i know his arm was shot last year
BB: but how is that different than any other year?
BB: it's not like it's goingto get shot-ter
BB: and he's not a lefty so he's not going to randomly snap his arm
ED: maybe he is going to replace Bob Stinson in the Replacements reunion tour
BB: awww - don't tease me
BB: or you, really
BB: i am pretty sure that is all you are living for at this point
ED: there is no replacing Bob Stinson
BB: bob stupak, maybe
ED: aww
ED: Bob Mould would do it
ED: but you know
BB: aww...but then "andryogenous" would be a little too weird
ED: hehehehehehe
ED: exactly
ED: I am glad you attempted that word
BB: and "seen your video"
ED: because I wanted to make the joke
ED: well, I assume Mould is hanging out with Jason Hervey
BB: mmmm...bookerman
BB: ok so - what are the odds on jason bartlett keeping the shortstop gig?
PR:  sorry phone call
ED: well, DJ Speshal K is not going to give Juan Castro back
BB: oh come on
BB: like pat neshek isn't begging for a trade to cincinnati
PR:  my sister was carrying on about the snow and Duke losing
ED: like I didnt read that as Pat Listach
BB: oh i am also sure if you want to pay pat listach he will show up at your house
PR:  I am sure if you pay him in cash, he will do a lot more than just show up
ED: oof
ED: there we go
ED: OK
ED: so the question is - do the Twins take the Central again?
ED: I say no
BB: there's too much other stuff going on and i don't trust them to use the parts they
have well-enough to actually win anything
BB: can we get a quick over/under on luis castillo outs this year?
ED: aww, that is there just to make Joe cry
ED: and, I mean, Mauer is still the hottest thing in the Twin Cities
PR:  aww... the same number of sacks that the other Luis Castillo would have?
ED: aww
ED: Phil thought that thru and it still didn't come out right
BB has left the room.
ED: and Bill dies again
PR:  aww.... i think this dream is dead
PR:  okay - I do need to go out and clean our cars off. So if Bill wanders back in, carry on while I am out having a heart attack
ED: hehehehehe

ODDS & ENDS THAT WE DIDN’T COVER
PR: We all failed to mention that the Twins will be relying on both Ramon Ortiz and Sidney Ponson to bolster the starting rotation. For whatever reason, Minnesota feels the need to make Johan Santana look even better. Joe Nathan is good but he isn’t going to have a lot of leads to protect with the other guys who will be trotting out to the mound.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: Sir Sidney would appear to be the angriest drunk around and being in Minnesota will probably push him over the edge. There aren’t many other choices… I mean it’s hard not to imagine someone wanting to deck Gardenhire but it’s cold and requires effort. It’s the wrong Luis Castillo (aww… this is late already so we will run the same joke multiple times) and A.J. Pierynski shows up later in this division. Rondell White probably won’t ever be healthy enough to get into the clubhouse so Ponson it is.

2007 OUTLOOK:
ED: Well, who needs Francisco Liriano anyway?

PR: Aww... maybe they will talk Brad Radke out of retirement.
DETROIT TIGERS

2006 Record: 95-67, Won WC, Won AL Pennant, Lost to Cards in WS

ADDITIONS: DH Gary Sheffield, GASOLINE!!! Jose Mesa

DEPARTURES: P Humberto Sanchez, CANADIAN!!! Matt Stairs, P Jamie Walker

2007 OVERVIEW: 
ED: Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.



BB has entered the room.
BB: ok so - let's play a little game
BB: while phil is presumably off getting yelled at by little kids
PR:  I am going out to clear off the cars
PR:  stupid snow
BB: name a tiger who didn't play above his head and isn't going to regress to the mean
PR:  Chris Shelton
PR:  I am assuming you meant didnt already regress to the mean
BB: awww
BB: well he is one, fair enough
ED: oof
BB: i will say curtis granderson
BB: your turn
ED: Sean Casey
PR:  aww... but Prospectus tells me Jeremy Bonderman will be a Cy Young candidate
PR:  I cant pick him
BB: sean casey's mean is scary low
BB: i don't know if you can really say that
BB: let's not talk about my good friends at baseball prospectus
PR:  aww... you will have to edit the AL East heavily then
ED: exactly
PR:  except I didnt mention WC yet
ED: wild card?
BB: najeh davenport?
ED: HAH
BB: aww...i am a hypocrite
ED: I think it's safe to say Mags didn't play over his head
BB: joey mags?
PR:  Yeah - I was going to say in all sorta seriousness - Mags
ED: aww
PR:  aww... he is dead and I didnt get death pool credit for it
BB: hehehehe
BB: well i mean - he did in the playoffs
BB: especially with his faux-manny haircut
ED: of course
ED: so did Kenny Rogers
PR:  Aww... I dont think Neifi Perez can regress any further
ED: I would say, Craig Monroe would be the guy that if I were a Tiger fan, would make me want to see him traded now before he falls completely off the face of the earth
ED: I mean, 28 dongs?
BB: i am inclined to say curtis granderson will get better
ED: yeah
ED: he and Maggs would not scare me as far as falling off the face of the earth goes
BB: todd jones....maybe not
ED: everyone else
PR:  but CARLOS GUILLEN IS THE MOST UNDERRATED PLAYER IN BASEBALL
ED: oof
ED: between that
BB: you get the feeling that he may join matt millen's staff in the middle of the season
BB: well he has the most underrated colon in baseball
BB: did he have colitis?
PR:  aww... Todd Jones would be the goofiest two sport start ever
BB: did i imagine that? or was it hepatitis
ED: and McCarver calling Pudge better than Bench during the WS
PR:  I think it was the Hep
ED: the Tiger really made me want to shoot out my TV
ED: todd JOnes had hep?
BB: come on -- jim leyland!!!
BB: mark e. smith of managing
BB has left the room.
PR:  aww....
ED: hah
PR:  okay - now I am going to clean the car
ED: AOL hates Bill
BB has entered the room.
BB: so yeah -- jim leyland == mark e. smith
ED: how you figure?
BB: cranky
ED: check
ED: old
BB: people keep giving him chances because he did a lot with a little once
BB: oh very old
BB: grey
BB: hates black people
ED: But I like the Fall
BB: probably bought drugs from dmitri young and then disavowed it
BB: can dmitri young actually win comeback player of the year this season? is that allowed?
BB: if you comeback from crack?
BB: aww..i hate my internet
ED: oof
ED: yeah, completely was not expected to work there
ED: yeah, not buying the Mark E. Smith connection to Leyland
ED: did Phil have a heart attack?
BB: i presume it has already started
BB: it takes a while for it to really come into effect with the lank
BB: so i mean -- how bad of a fit is gary sheffield in detroit?
ED: hehehehe
BB: are we talking pouts-on-the-bench bad or incites-the-local-population-into-a-
riot bad?
ED: I expect nothing of the sort
BB: oh?
ED: I'm calling mediocrity with many trips to the DL
ED: anti-climatic
ED: complete
BB: are you implying he can't incite a riot while he's on the DL?
ED: it's Detroit
ED: I mean, what's worth rioting over there anymore?
ED: if he does encite a riot, who would notice?
BB: aww...someone has to be the last person to turn out the lights, ed
ED: bah
ED: I live in Ohio, Bill
ED: there are no lights
ED: lots of cornholing tho
BB: i don't even want to find out how those two are related
BB: how good do you think joel zumaya is at guitar hero?
ED: here's the thing
ED: I expect him to be amazing with Santana songs
BB: is that because you're racist?
ED: but when Todd Jones challenges him to Skynyrd, he is Todd's bitch
ED: why would his being good at Santana songs have anything to do with my hating everyone?
ED: or is that a connection like my lights and cornholing
ED: or possibly all of the above
ED: speaking of racists - do you think Todd Jones talks to the non-white
pitchers?
BB: only to tell them to not talk to the pitchers who are darker than them
BB: another good over/under, what date does todd jones try to rape andrew miller in the shower?
ED: oooo
BB: another good question
BB: what do you think todd jones thinks blister in the sun is about?
ED: HAH
ED: like he had ever heard of the songs
ED: song
BB: oh you know he listens to the alternative radio
ED: bullpoop
BB: only to get himself pumped
BB: i shudder to think what his mounting songs are
PR:  stupid snow
BB: hehehe
BB: what a perfect time to enter
PR:  I think Todd Jones needs things laid out for him
PR:  like that Jimmy Buffett song thats titled something like "Lets get drunk
and screw"
BB: see
BB: i was thinking more he listens to "who let the dogs out"
PR:  And Dmitri Young cant win player of the year since he is with the Nats
ED: bah
BB: and he screams MY DICK over "the dogs" each time
PR:  poor poor rebuilding year
ED: Christian rock bitches
PR:  aww... thats means Todd Jones listens to like Jars of Clay
BB: like young won't get traded to the cardinals in june and hit a non-suspicious 25 HR in 200 ABs
PR:  aww... he is black. A trade to St Louis wouldnt be allowed
BB: awww...they need their reggie sanders fix
PR:  you know - I dont know how St Louis would handle it if the Blues traded for like Mike Grier or Anson Carter or Kevin Weeks
PR:  because it would be a black hockey player - their tiny brains couldnt handle it
BB: i am sure the people dressed up as chairs would get angry
ED: GRRRRR
ED: when your computer tells you that you are not connected to the internet
BB: and then they would go home and play NHL '96 so they could listen to the gameplay
"when the saints go marching in" after they score 300 times
BB: and smile a sad, wispy smile
ED: I CANNOT FIX THAT
PR:  as long as they buy their TNA tickets - Eckstein is happy
ED: dumbasses
BB: oh yeah
BB: as insufferable as eckstein is now
BB: imagine if he had stayed a red sox player the whole time
BB: and then await the coming dustin pedroia era
PR:  aww....
ED: oof
PR:  Okay - I know I left for a bit but did you guys cover the Tigers already and NOT mention Gary Sheffield
BB: i did
ED: aww, Eck would have roided to the gills to get PT
BB: ed says that he'll be on the dl all year
BB: your thoughts ri'ppa
ED: then have mysterious Kapler-esque injuries
BB: he'll get put on a flight to japan? is that an injury?
BB: god -- sheffield in japan could be fantastic though
ED: and clearly Todd Jones' loving songs are all by Creed
ED: where he pictures himself as Scott Stapp
BB: like jones can fit a wifebeater on
BB: i can picture him saying "you don't know that you want it but you do", though
ED: did Phil have a stroke now?
PR:  sorry - have some... issues
BB: i don't even think i want to know
ED: I am thinking Aidan is writing the Blue Jays piece for him right now
BB: really putting aidan in front of a paint window with the blue jays window isn't the worst idea
ED: he can come up about 1500 words for their rotation
BB: they just all won't be english i guess
BB: ok - so - anything else we need to say about the tigers?
BB: are they going to outplay the '85 team?
ED: what did the 85 team go?
ED: about 83 wins?
BB: 84-77
BB: jesus
ED: there ya go
ED: sounds about right

ODDS & ENDS THAT WE DIDN’T COVER
PR: Aww… Kenny Rogers arm is extra crispy now and he is done for at least half of the year. At least his injury was diagnosed as something real like the blood clot as opposed to the vague “tired arm” which I immediately responded with “He is 42. Of course, his arm is tired.”

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH HIS MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: Gary Sheffield. Next

2007 OUTLOOK:
ED: Mmm, falling like all other Detroit products.

PR: But Jayson Stark said it was their year! JAYSON STARK!!! At least they will win more than the Lions.
CHICAGO WHITE SOX

2006 Record: 90-72

ADDITIONS: P David Aardsma, P Gavin Floyd, P Andrew Sisco, P Carlos Vasquez, C Toby Hall, OF Luis Terrero

DEPARTURES: P Neal Cotts, P Freddy Garcia, 1B Ross Gload, P Brandon McCarthy, P David Riske

2006 OVERVIEW: 
ED: Little light in the loafers.

PR: Boy, 90 wins sure doesn't get you what it used to anymore. Clearly baseball needs 84 more teams to make the playoffs to rectify this situation.

BB: ok. white sox???
ED: HAH
ED: next
ED: oof
BB: oh come on - like there's not stuff to talk about here
ED: i mean, let me stroke my beard
BB: what did brandon mccarthy do??
ED: Pass
ED: he wouldn't hit Frank Thomas in the ass with a heater
BB: that should be a sign of skill considering frank thomas' ass has a gravitational pull at this point
ED: plus Ozzie might have thought he was gay
BB: wait -- what?
ED: OZZIE CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT
BB: frank thomas being gay would explain a lot
ED: HE IS LATINO!!
BB: being gay?
ED: so wait
ED: if Frank Thomas is gay
ED: that would make the Piazza signing logical
BB: awww...billy bean is lonely
ED: hehehehehe
ED: oh, Phil is so missing the easy jokes now
ED: OK
BB: so i mean we can pretty much run last year's preview
BB: freddy garcia is gone
BB: but he wasn't exactly a stud
PR:  grr....
ED: so, the question one has to ask with the White Sox
BB: their middle infield is a little older
ED: is
BB: brian anderson can't hit
ED: how many AB's will the Punter get?
ED: over say, Anderson
BB: wait - who?
BB: tony meola?
PR:  aww... Ed does not understand that reference
ED: aww, i wish I knew the name of the bears punter
BB: oh - erstad?
ED: yeah
PR:  Brad Maynard?
BB: well he is just veteran anderson so i mean, that's 500 ABs right there
ED: Brad Muster?
ED: of course
BB: dave mustaine?
ED: but Podscrapnik will get hurt
PR:  Aww... he doesnt like his songs being downloaded either
ED: what songs did Brad Muster have?
BB: hmm...he was too late for the super bowl shuffle wasn't he
BB: wild card whirl?
ED: maybe he and Meltz recorded something
BB: can rex grossman get some playing time?
ED: well, he's about as accurate as Bobby Jenks
BB: yeah but he's not as TROUBLED!!! so ozzie can't heal him
BB: kyle orton, on the other hand
BB: i could see kyle orton playing ozzie in a game of beer pong for control of the team
PR:  aww.... but deadspin loves Kyle Orton
ED: aww, I was going to crack on Deadspin
BB: oh i love kyle orton
ED: then I remember they linked to a Phil article
BB: awww
ED: so we can't touch Deadspin or Prospectus
PR:  well thats because Bill asked them too
BB: sweet sweet hits
BB: so i mean - what do the white sox have this year that we need to talk about?
BB: this is the same time, a year older and a year removed from a fluky championship
BB: in a tougher division
PR:  how much of the pitching did you guys cover besides Todd Jones - racist closer
BB: well that is another team
ED: Bill called me a racist about Zumaya
PR:  because you Ohioians wont allow him into the state?
ED: uhh, well Jermaine Dye was really friggin great last year
BB: oh yeah -- you know billy broke some chairs over that
PR:  okay - going to the bathroom
ED: because I said he would rule on Santana songs in Gutair Hero II
ED: other than Dye...
ED: uhh
BB: can i get odds on jose contreras breaking down?
ED: didn't he already do that?
BB: well
BB: over a whole season as opposed to half of one
ED: Konerko is going to get traded for another bad contract soon
BB: no way
ED: Giambi
BB: they collect bad first base contracts
ED: Konerko for Giambi has to happen
BB: they are going to trade for mo vaughn somehow
BB: and nick esasky
ED: aww, maybe Papi in 3 years
BB: awww...ortiz and guillen could be painful
ED: hehehehehe
ED: CLUTCH!!!
BB: god
BB: so yeah - any final thoughts on the white sox before we move on?
ED: the McCarthy deal was retarded
ED: other than that, no
ED: 3rd place
PR:  what - you think because I was away from the computer I would miss the Konerko for Giambi trade?
ED: I expect Phil to come back, see the Konerko for Giambi deal and need
ED: HAH
PR:  Dont pawn your fantasy hate back on me
ED: I was hoping you would see that
ED: OK
ED: Konerko to the Cubs for Soriano
ED: and then the Cubs trade Lee for Beckett
ED: I am Peter Gammons here
ED: Indians?
PR:  aww... and your head hurts. You are Gammons
ED: see
PR:  I will call the hospital now
ED: Please, before Kruk starts dancing on the table
BB: ok - that was a phone call
ED: SHAKE IT, KRUK!!!
BB: i also don't want to know what kruk dances to
ED: oooo
BB: pet shop boys?
PR:  aww... Tears For Fear?
PR:  Simply Red?
BB: aww...kruk ate the s
BB: i always figured simply red as charlie hustle's stripping music
PR:  I had a woman yesterday call up and ask that we put on hold the SImply Red Greatest Hits CD
PR:  when she came in to buy it - she carried on for 5 minutes about how great an album it is
BB: how could you possibly respond to that?
BB: oh see - i would have assumed that was a prank
BB: yelled something about hipster trash and hung up the phone
ED: I vaguely even remember Simply Red and that is from my generation
BB: ooh - ooh - did you have their 8 track?
BB: did you listen to them on your hifi?
BB: did you tell the girl at the malted shop how great they were??
ED: I hate you
BB: aww -- keep rubbing that bump on your head old man
PR:  aww... Ed went on a date to the Malt Ship recently
PR:  didnt you
BB: MALT SHIP!!!
ED: hehehehehe
BB: there are no ships in ohio
ED: there is no water
ED: so OK
ED: Phil you have anything to add to the White Sox?
ED: I want to go home
PR:  Then I will say no
ED: OK

ODDS & ENDS THAT WE DIDN’T COVER
PR: I think as Ozzie Guillen gets crazier the idiotic coverage of him praises him as a greater and greater manager. This clearly has to be a spinoff of the foreign player theory I propose in the Red Sox section. In a perfect world, I would expand on this thought. Kenny Williams hates Prospectus and loves to trade so it’s going to be good times for yet another season.

PR: Aww… and we almost made it through a preview without calling Bobby Jenks fat.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: A.J. Pierynski. HE WILL GET TNA MAINSTREAM COVERAGE!!! LET HIM DECK EVERYONE!!! WE WILL GIVE YOU FIVE CRISP ONE DOLLAR BILLS!!! WE WILL EVEN PAY FOR THE MOTEL 6 YOU STAY AT!!! TNA! TNA! TNA!

2007 OUTLOOK:
ED: HETERO UP!

PR: Aww... so this is the Matt Millen approved AL Central team?
CLEVELAND INDIANS

2006 RECORD: 78-84

ADDITIONS: P Joe Borowski, P Keith Foulke, P Aaron Fultz, GASOLINE Roberto Hernandez, 2B Josh Barfield, OF David Dellucci, OF Trot Nixon

DEPARTURES: 3B Aaron Boone, P Andrew Brown, OF Jason DuBois, 3B Kevin Kouzmanoff, IF Lou Merloni

2006 OVERVIEW:  
ED: We live as we dream and die – alone

PR: I have all my digits and I don’t live in Cleveland. I actually might have had a better year that the Indians.

ED: Injuns
PR:  Aww... Ed is officially mailing this in
ED: has Grady Sizemore passed Jeter as the most overrated player in the lague
BB: ok so - how long till trot nixon complains that cleveland's not boston?
ED: aww, the mailing in started in 04, Phil
BB: oh no - sweet sweet 04 preview
BB: and i mean - sizemore's a strange place to stick your stick in the overrated column
ED: how long until Keith Foulke complains that cleveland's not...
ED: oh
ED: meh
ED: ok
ED: must be a midwest deal then
BB: yeah i think it is
BB: ok - let's just cut to the chase
ED: because people are on him like Phil's sister on a dead Yankee
BB: phil -- which job would you rather have -- lifeguard on a dock where the indians are
holidaying or the current gig?
PR:  grr....
ED: hehehehe
ED: SIMPLY RED
PR:  aww.... the people I work with are easier on the eyes
ED: you could take them to a Malt Ship
PR:  I dont want to see the thongs on the folks on Lake Erie
BB: we can just repeat the graphic i ran last year
BB: hopefully nintendo doesn't sue us though
ED: sue us and get what?
ED: Joe's liver?
PR:  aww... they would have to goggle search us
ED: GOGGLE SEARCH!!!
PR:  and the only way to find us is apparently through porn searches
PR:  I wish I was drunk
BB: mmm...chris sabo's ears just perked up
PR:  OH WAIT!!! I do have beer
BB: hehehehe
BB: now we are getting started
ED: aww
PR:  Time to drink and finish the AL East
BB: well see - here is the thing about the indians
ED: God, why do/did I think the Indians were going to win theCentral
BB: they have enough star-caliber hitters that they can score 900 runs
BB: but can you really believe in any of their pitchers?
ED: yeah, exactly
BB: i mean -- i remember cruceta blowing like eight consecutive saves last year. they
are relying on joe borowski to close things out
ED: I mean, I know I will end up getting CLiff Lee in fantasy when he gets healthy
PR:  Other than CC Sabathia - I cant think of a single starter at the moment
BB: in the rotation they have cc sabathia and the magic beans quartet
ED: but everyone knows I'm a fantasy retard
ED: OK
PR:  Is Jake Westbrook dead?
ED: I just now see that Sosa made the Rangers 40 man
ED: other than his arm?
ED: no
PR:  aww... welcome to yesterday's news cycle
BB: it takes a day for it to get to ohio
ED: hey, I
ED: goddamnit
PR:  aw... we need to make Paul Byrd jokes
PR:  well not really need to
BB: did he run into brutus beefcake or something?
PR:  you mean with a parasail?
ED: did we need to remember to mention Bob Feller calling Victor Martinez
Steppin Fetchit
BB: i can only imagine bob feller's internal dialogue
ED: and how patient do you think the Tribe will be with Marte?
PR:  Hey Baby You Got A Butt That Just Wont Quit.... grumble grumble
grumble... FIVE DOLLARS!!!
ED: before the bench him in favor of like david Bell?
BB: considering how patient the rest of the league has been with him?
BB: ok we need to shut up and let phil continue
ED: hehehehehe
BB: i mean by june he should be in durham with carlos pena and hee seop choi
ED: are the Indians REALLY going to give 1B to Blake over Garko?
PR:  well I imagine Bob Feller's internal dialogue is a drunk Homer
ED: Simpson or the guy who wrote the Illiad?
PR:  Aww... Lou Merloni doesnt even get his own write up in Prospectus
PR:  Only you would know about that Homer old man
ED: aww
BB: so wait - is merloni the knobbs to nomar's hogan?
ED: useless English degree
BB: or is it the knobbs to nomar's sags at this point
ED: I don;t want to think of Nomar's sags
PR:  does all this mean that Danny Graves is.... ummm.... Pat Tanaka
PR:  or Richard Blood
PR:  or... some other fake Asian wrestlers
ED: how did we get to this point?
PR:  Paul Diamond?
ED: How long is Hafner on the DL this season?
BB: paul diamond is still bitter he didn't get to work michaels' last match
PR:  Hey - if you give me 4 minutes I will figure out a way to quote TMBG
Disney song lyrics into the preview
BB: i don't want to listen to bob the builder quotes before i get there too
BB: well - it's more what injury he's going to come up with as opposed to how long he'll be hurt for
ED: true
BB: i mean is he going to get hurt carrying clint barmes' venison?
BB: is he going to do an angle and have like edge stiff him or something
ED: maybe I should do the McNair injury chart for him
BB: no - i am stealing that for prospectus this year
ED: aww
PR:  aww.... menstrating isnt a legit injury
BB: remonstrating is
ED: hehehehehe
ED: oh, phil the english language taunts you
BB: who are the indians starting in the corner OF?
PR:  LUBCHENKO LEARN NOTHING!!!
ED: Dellucci
ED: Nixon
PR:  Casey Blake?
BB: yeah -- let's be serious about trot here
ED: Blake is supposed to play 1B
PR:  Shin-Soo Choo?
BB: i am pretty sure he slugged .380 last year in fenway
BB: awww...he rerishes the opportunity
ED: aww
PR:  unless they are sticking Aaron Boone out there
ED: well, the Marlins might have something to say about that
PR:  Wait - then where the fudge is Grady Sizemore playing?
ED: CF
ED: Choo is a 4th OF
ED: 5th probably
PR:  there is Jason Michaels too
ED: there is
BB: mmm...fourth outfielder-y
BB: so yeah -- that is going to keep the indians from going too far
ED: they are supposedly platooning him with Delucci
ED: yeah
ED: so
ED: right
PR:  Its like they are trying to field a softball team
ED: everyone's trying to be the Twins bitch, really
ED: Royals?
PR:  because they have like 9 OFs - all of whom would be best severed playing just behind the 2nd base bag
BB: awww -- then a boat would have to come onto the field though
ED: ...
PR:  not a problem if Bob Ojeda is driving
PR:  YES! EVERY YEAR!!!
ED: aww
ED: you see it coming, but you can never resist
BB: oh not at all
BB: i knew phil was setting me up and i jumped in
ED: And Kelly Shoppach could be a starter on a lot of teams
BB: yes - including the red sox
BB: grrr
ED: aww,
ED: Doug Mirabelli says that you can suck Doug Mirabelli's little Doug Mirabelli, Bill
BB: only if i do a bunch of spins and flutter a bit first, though
ED: HAH
PR:  Do you think Doug Mirabelli can even say his own last name? I mean it is
4 syllabels
BB: which is actually my only sexual technique so there you go
BB: god - we had to deal with mientkiewicz phil
BB: mirabelli is impossible is nothing
ED: god, I pity the poor fudgeer who's gonna have to edit this
BB: oh i am going to edit it
PR:  No - I have to deal with mientkiewicz
PR:  and Michael Kay fawning over him for 162 games
BB: but just do a global find and replcae on fudge with, say, dean
PR:  God why did I move back to NY
ED: aww, and I will have sweet dreams as Josh Phelps as John Olerud
BB: well wait - is mientkiewicz jewish?
PR:  maybe
BB: he has to be
BB: so there you go, problem solved
PR:  Yay - at least Josh Phelps can start on Yom Kippur
BB: like phelps is making the team over andy phillips
ED: naw, by then they will have worked Bernie into the 1B mix
ED: OK
ED: ROYALS?????
BB: bernie only comes back after jeter donates half his brain to frank torre
PR:  aww... Ed really wants to go home
PR:  especially since he needs to be back in 12 hours
ED: he will instead donate half the snatch he gets to Frank Torre
ED: just to kill him dead
BB: what part of a-rod do you define to be snatch?
ED: oh
ED: I am letting Phil take that
BB: HA!!!!!!!
BB: ok - that was beautiful
BB: i am playing the falcons in madden and shaun king is their quarterback
ED: oof
BB: and yep -- he just play-faked to no one and then spun around in a circle until i sacked him
PR:  no AFL in Madden
ED: I will never leave
ED: aww

ODDS & ENDS THAT WE DIDN’T COVER
PR: C.C. Sabathia was drilled by a batted ball during spring training, an occurrence that I am shocked by its infrequency. We named 48 outfielders and none of them where Jason DuBois so he is going to end being swapped for some LOOGY in July. And yes, I kinda got upset at Prospectus mentioning Paul Byrd and Bob Tewksbury in the same paragraph.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH HIS MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: Roberto Hernandez is old and cranky. He won’t take any guff from Eric Wedge. God, Hernandez is 41. When the heck did that happen? I mean I always knew he was kinda Ed old but 41... God, youth, you were so fleeting.

2007 OUTLOOK:
ED: Cleveland is the new Boston?
KANSAS CITY ROYALS

2006 RECORD: 62-100

ADDITIONS: P John Bale, P Brian Bannister, P Octavio Dotel, P Gil Meche, P David Riske, 1B Ross Gload

DEPARTURES: C Paul Bako, P Ambiorix Burgos, P Runelvys Hernandez, GLOVE!!! Doug Misspelling, 2B Donnie Murphy, OF Kerry Robinson, P Andrew Sisco

2006 OVERVIEW:  
ED: ALEX GORDON!!!

PR: Wait – Alex Gordon is the 06 Overview? Shouldn’t that be 07 Outlook? (Yeah, I am probably ruining an Ed joke here.) Anyway – the only other thing I could tell you about last year for the Royals is that Zack Greinke went crazy.

ED: ROYALS????
PR:  its not like you cant leave
ED: true
BB: what the fudge is there to say about the royals
BB: GIL MECHE!!!
PR:  Bill and I will make 4 comments about the Royals and then I will think of mean things to say about Rob and Rany later
BB: for this we couldn't keep carlos beltran
ED: hold on
ED: I am checking out the Royals depth chart
ED: yeah
PR:  aww... I enjoy that Ed went right to Gil Meche
PR:  ppoor poor Alex Gordon
BB: well - i did say that, not ed
BB: but it's all good
ED: oh
PR:  and Mark Teahen
ED: right
ED: Mike Sweeney hates stem cell research
PR:  I love how the Royals only too good players play the same position
BB: oh yeah -- three months of suspicious power output is repeatable
ED: which is ironic
ED: since the Royals are an abortion
PR:  How I used to love you Mike Sweeney
BB: nothing about the royals is too good for anything
BB: oh now see - sweeney is a almost definite yankee at some point
PR:  I almost said Mark Sweeney - which would have made me giggle for no reason
ED: aww
ED: you want him to deal Giambi riods
ED: RIODS!
BB: mmmm...riods
BB: a plant native to upper san zimboslavia
ED: yeah
ED: aww
PR:  Jeremy Giambi?
ED: poor little dead gimmick
BB: oh if you kill jooge i'm resurrecting him for FOX
PR:  OH!
PR:  just because he is listed under the Royals in prospectus
ED: so the Yahoo depth chart for the Royals does not have Gordon listed at 3B
ED: but they have Teahen in LF
BB: wait - jeremy giambi's not dead?
PR:  Mike and the Mad Dog spending 5 minutes trying to say Ambiorix Burgos' name was the highlight of the spring so far
BB: mike and the mad dog cannot be the highlight of anything
ED: you obviously C&P that
PR:  Well I had the book in front of me
ED: Ryan Shealy getting the 1B gig amuses me
BB: mmm...you don't see park effects if you shut your eyes and ears
ED: mostly because it will shut up the Primer nerds
ED: but yeah, I don't see Shealy being poop
BB: even if he hits .270/.340/.480
BB: great
BB: they have a league-average first baseman
PR:  Aww... Mark Grudzielanek won a Gold Glove
PR:  RESPECT KANSAS CITY!!!!
ED: well, that's...a step up for the Royals
ED: I mean, they had misspelling last year
BB: well he had to have it melted down because kansas city's not allowed to have nice things, but it was a start
ED: where did Guiel end up
PR:  Japan
BB: street fighter 4?
ED: same thing
PR:  which is one and the same.... dammit
ED: yeah, what Phil said
ED: the stack up at C amuses me
ED: since, neither are completely useless
BB: wait - who are their catchers?
BB: john buck is pretty freaking useless
ED: Buck and LaRue
BB: and i mean come on
ED: he's filler
PR:  I think they have Paul Bako too
BB: jason larue is white and veteran-y and cincy STILL didn't keep him
PR:  Oh no wait - he is on the Os now
BB: wait - what?
ED: ?
PR:  Paul Bako is on the Os now
ED: yep
ED: they have 19346 catchers
BB: are any of them named chris hoiles?
ED: to cover for all their relievers
ED: HALL OF FAMER CHRIS HOILES MOTHERFUDGEER
BB: do we need to sponsor his page too?
PR:  wait - are we talking about KC or Baltimore now
BB: is there really a huge difference?
ED: uhh
ED: the Royals have more upside?
BB has left the room.
ED: a better chance to compete in the division?
PR:  aww.. you might as well go home now
BB has entered the room.
BB: i hope one of you are logging this
PR:  Well I havent shut the window the entire time
ED: I've sadly got the whole things
PR:  it should be logged
BB: anyway - that argument is like the bryan adams/john mellencamp argument
PR:  but I can also C&P it too
BB: which it is now patently obvious who the winner is
ED: HUEY LEIS BITCH
BB: oh - right
PR:  HUEY LEIS!!!!
ED: LEIS!!!
BB: awww - rippa is happy someone fudgeed up besides him
BB: the sad thing is that you didn't spell it LIES or LEIUS so i could make a joke
ED: I am replacement level Rippa
ED: aww
BB: that is how i am selling you to FOX
BB: god - i need to do a dan gladden fpotm
ED: so uah
ED: yeah
PR:  Ed would play better to the red state leaning FOX
BB: preciselyPKB JMJNBN   
ED: that is one awful-awful-awful pitching staff
ED: aww
BB: come on
BB: odalis perez was at least a good idea
ED: the Zack Geienke experiment continues
BB: awww...he is raven
ED: I have no idea what that last name was
BB: i was hoping for zach meineke personally
ED: I was shocked it wasn't
ED: did Phil die again?
PR:  sorry - Aidan was trying to break my PS2
BB: aww - he wants a wii damnit
ED: so, the question is - do the Royals get out of the basement?
BB: it's like moving from your parents' basement to the nerdy frat
ED: well, even so
BB: it's not really a step up if you're still doing LAN parties, even if you can stay up later
BB: they probably won't be historically bad but 70 wins is a little bit of heady territory
ED: god, we really should have just tried to combine a team of the Royals and Pirates like Phil and I tried last year
PR:  oof
ED: I can see 70 wins
PR:  Okay - I will just have to figure out a player to punch his manager later
PR:  its dinner time
ED: and they'll end up fudgeing up the Tigers season
PR:  and Ed can go home
ED: yeah.

(Editor’s Note – my son literally sat on my keyboard at this point in time. So there might have been more here that got deleted. Yes – welcome to my life. – Rippa)

ED: home
BB: hehehe

ODDS & ENDS THAT WE MIGHT NOT HAVE COVERED
PR: Long may you ride Mike Sweeney. Other than that… hmmm…. I guess waiting to see how KC mishandles Mark Teahen will be neat. I mean why play Teahen in the outfield. They can always call up Dee Brown. Yeah, at this point, the retired NBAer would be better than the former first round pick.

PR: Odalis. You are still dreamy to me.

PR: Aww… Octavio Dotel is already hurt. Can’t imagine how that happened?

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: Much like Ron Gardenhire, I find Buddy Bell as easy person to dislike and imagining that his players feel the same way. With son David not around to do the duties, someone else will have to step up. It won’t be Reggie Sanders as he will be afraid of getting lynched in Missouri. Mark Grudzielanek. Yeah, Mark will do it. He can slap Bell around with his Gold Glove.

2007 OUTLOOK
PR: ALEX GORDON!!!