2007 AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST PREVIEW
PR: Phil Rippa : ED: Ed Agner : BB: Bill Barnwell
Teams Listed in Order of 2006 Finish
NEW YORK YANKEES

2006 Record: 97-65 (Won AL East, Lost in ALDS to Detroit Tigers)

ADDITIONS: P(rofit) Andy Pettitte, The Other Japanese FA Kei Igawa, Annoyance Doug Mientkiewicz, RULE 5~! Josh Phelps, P Humberto Sanchez, P Luis Vizcaino, P Chris Britton

DEPARTURES: SP Randy Johnson, Malcontent Gary Sheffield, SP Jaret Wright, OF Bernie Williams (for the moment), RP Octavio Dotel, Spare Parts Craig Wilson and Aaron Guiel, C Sal Fasano, Ex-P, Ex-Pilot Cory Lidle

2006 OVERVIEW: Bring Out Your Dead! Bring Out Your Dead! Oh wait… the Red Sox like to lose a lot. Yay! The Division. Aww… maybe playing Gary Sheffield at first isn’t a good idea. You mean we don’t get rings for making the playoffs? OH MY GOD!!! NEW YORK CITY IS UNDER ATTACK BY TERRORISTS AGAIN!!!! Oh wait… that was just Cory Lidle.

PR: Alex Rodriguez hates Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter hates Alex Rodriguez. Apparently this means that the Yankees will lose 90 games. The fine irony is that both guys are exactly the same for me. I want each one to be successful because it infuriates so many people so. For all the good things that have come with moving back to New York, the daily A-Rod/Jeter relationship meter is tedious. It’s the worst game of the Sims ever.

ED:  Aww, Phil doesn’t understand that A-Rod will now suck SINCE GARY SHEFFIELD IS NOT IN NEW YORK TO BE THE CALM VOICE OF REASON!!!  Which of course, means that you can book A-Rod getting the 2007 MVP as is his Saberhagen-esque trend towards being really friggin’ great in odd-numbered years.  Oh, btw, A-Rod’s Baseball Reference sponsor is a thing of beauty.  I mean, a Beastie Boys tribute band.  Wow!  As if the world needs the Beastie Boys let alone a tribute to them.

BB: See - Ed hasn't met Phil and doesn't know that he's actually Mike D. Of course, I'm still not sure Ed exists.

PR: Each year – there is one fault that several teams have but it is only a problem for the Yankees. And each year, it infuriates me because as a Yankee fan, I have plenty of actual unique faults of the club to deal with and to try and dispute the one lazy media created one hurts. It’s the rare time where my pride as a Yankee fan flares up. Of course – at work, there is a book out (that has Jeter on the cover, because no NYA related product can be produced with out CAPTAIN AMERICA~! on it can be official. Uh-Oh! Captain America. That might not be a fine nickname for Mr. Jeter to have this year. Poor poor devastated comic nerds. Sorry sidetracked) that is basically entitled Everything You Need To Know To Be A True Yankee Fan. It makes me sad. That’s what I need, more Neanderthals to add to my list of hate. I really loathe the fans of the teams I love.

ED:  Are they into cornholing too?  Wait, I despise all Ohio teams and their fans.  Never mind.

BB: I still don't know what cornholing is but it kinda scares me. I also just noticed that Ed puts two spaces after his colons while everyone else puts one. I wonder if he's been doing this for four years. I'm gonna have to do something about that.

PR: Ooof…. My original point was going to be this. In 2005, the Yankees had no lefties so they clearly couldn’t win the division. In 2006, it was because they were OLD! I TELL YOU! OLD! Now in 2007, the fault is the very generic “their starting rotation has question marks”. I am sure in 2008 it will be “the offense doesn’t hit the ball every time, that means they are weak!” Clearly, New York will be the only ones who will never know what they will get out of their pitching. MIKE MUSSINA NEVER WON 20 GAMES!!! ANDY PETTITTE IS GOD FEARING!!! KEI IGAWA IS FOREIGN!!! CARL PAVANO IS… well… CARL PAVANO IS CARL PAVANO!!!! Etc… All this means the Yanks will be 50-110 while the Mets clearly perfect mystery rotation will go 162-0, bullpen be damned.

ED:  Well, the Yankees rotation is the suck – and that’s even before the rash of injuries just before they broke from Spring Training – so the NY media being all over it probably tells you that…well, it’s pretty friggin’ obvious.  I mean, I am thinking this might be the worst rotation in the division…possibly.  OK, they’re not worse than Tampa Bay, I guess, but they don’t have anyone of Scott Kazmir’s caliber.  You could say they might be better than Baltimore, but Leo Mazzone in the pitching coach there so…you know…everyone will get 20 wins.  Definitely they are worse than Boston.  And I would take Toronto’s rotation over the Yanks…if Toronto can keep/get their starters healthy.  So…yeah.  I mean…sure there’s Philip Hughes in Col…grr…Scranton and he will get called up by the AS break.  And you know they will back up the Brinks truck for Roger Clemens.  But even so…that is a really ugly rotation, Phil.  Sometimes, if the NY media catches on, it’s pretty obvious.

BB:                 I actually kinda like the Yankees rotation when you consider Hughes is going to be involved by May. They also have the bullpen back to where it was before Joe Torre broke Paul Quantrill and Tom Gordon, so I actually would feel pretty confident about this staff until, well, Torre breaks Proctor.

PR: I secretly hope that Bill predicts a dead arm for Mariano Rivera so we can be assured of four more years of quality saves. Now while I did write this joke more to mock Bill since I need to always rely on my “comedy” crutches to pad out the preview, the scary thought is that it could always happen since Mo is getting older and Joe Torre still has zero discipline. IT’S MAY!!! AND WE MUST BE THE MARINERS!!! MO GET 12 OUTS!!!

ED:  We must be the Mariners?  Does that mean they will sign Carl Everret and give Bret Boone another chance?  Does that mean Philip Hughes’ arm will explode?  Will they have 17000 Starbucks in New Yankee Stadium?  Will Melky get traded for Willie Bloomquist?  (Yes, we could edit these things, but that would kill the unintentional humor.)

BB: Ed sure gets smarmy for someone who can't spell Everett. I mean, if he had gone Evert that would be fine in an ironically-liking-Jim-Rome kinda way but still.

PR: Guys that Joe Torre would not TRUST~! to donate a kidney to his brother: Colter Bean, Carl Pavano, Buddy Groom, Gabe White, Craig Wilson, Bubba Crosby, Jeff Weaver, Randy Choate, Felix Heredia, Fernando Seguignol, C.J. Nitkowski, Carlos Pena, Juan Acevedo, Mark Bellhorn, Felix Rodriguez, Sidney Ponson, Michael Coleman, Scott Erickson, Juan Padilla, Jorge DePaula, Erick Almonte, Joe Borowski, Rey Sanchez, Gerald Williams, Adrian Hernandez, Christian Parker, Reuben Rivera

ED:  Just a hunch, but COLTER’S!!!! kidneys would be too large and too slow for a Torre.

BB: Oh yeah -- Phil has his gimmicks and they always come through. Especially Reuben Rivera. I would make a "Who stole the sandwich?!?" joke but the answer would be Colter and that would make me sad. I wonder if Rob Feinstein can get him a kidney too. IT'S SECOND GEN HONEST!!!

PR: The fork in Bernie Williams is finally too big to fit through the clubhouse door. This was not for a lack of trying through. The Yankees did everything but slather him up with grease and wedge him in. Williams, perhaps sensing that with all that flavor enhancing grease dripping over his person, declined since he didn’t want to make a tasty snack for Humberto Sanchez.

ED: Moral dilemma – do I make the Mike Piazza joke w/r/t the Bernie Williams “flavor enhancing grease” line or do I merely point out that Humberto Sanchez will never get off the DL long enough to waddle into the Yankee clubhouse?

BB: I am good with either of those. I am going to say that you throw some Jose Tabata sauce on that and it is a fine, fine meal.

PR: I loved me some Bernie but the PECOTA projection that has him getting over 400 PAs chills me to the bone. God – remember those Neanderthals I mentioned. If I hear one more of them talk about how they needed to bring Bernie back because he is a TRUE YANKEE!!!! and he needs to be offered a deal because of all that he has done, I truly will… well I will truly do nothing but grumble to myself. But when my sister says that Bernie Williams needs to retire, it is a grim grim time in a player’s career.

ED:  No-no.  If your sister insists that [INSERT YANKEE PLAYER’S FULL NAME] should take up flying, THAT would be a grim time in a player’s career.

BB: Ooh - ooh - I could do a GroundFinder gimmick for Yankee pilots. Let's see. Colter Bean would be a 94 since he would be upset there was no meal service. Jorge Posada would be an 88 since his kid would probably pretend to die and he would forget about the plane. Jason Giambi would be an 84 because Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds would kayfabe not knowing how to fly and Giambi would be the only one who would come out and say that he couldn't fly a plane and he would stop flying it for an hour until he saw the end of his life coming and then he'd fly it just like he did before but then he'd go down shortly after. I could go on but I won't.  

PR: The third head of the potential Yankee breakdown Cerebus is Jorge Posada. Ed is the true Posada fanboy so I will let him fawn all over him. Still, Posada should have a year or two left in his legs and since Tony Pena actually did something useful and taught Jorge how to actually throw the ball to second base, the Yanks have the best backstop in the AL not named Joe Mauer. I am pretending not to notice that by the time the new stadium opens in 09 – NY is going to have like 4 guys who can only DH but they still have a spot on the 25 man roster because they are TRUER THAN TRUER!!! MICHAEL KAY HATES YOU!!! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE YANKEES GETTING YOUNGER!!! YOU HELPED SHOVE THE JEWS INTO THE OVENS!!! YOU!!!

BB: Seriously, why'd you do that for...

ED:  Umm…hmmm…Phil and I discussed best catchers in the AL not named Joe Mauer and…I am certain I had Posada in the top 5 but…next best?  I mean, I would not take him over Pudge Rodriguez and I love Posada and detest Pudge.  I may not take Posada over either of Cleveland’s catchers.  Probably at this point next season you could throw Mike Napoli above Posada too.  Figure in that Posada is a year older than me and has been used far too heavily…I could see him falling faster than even Varitek.  But I will always have that Jeter for Posada trade to hold over Phil.

PR: Posada also has one of my favorite (at least for the next few paragraphs) baseball-reference sponsorships as a hosting company sponsor’s his page with the message “Posada is sure to have his number hanging in Monument Park, next to our client WhiteyFord.com.”

ED:  Just be thankful that its not the hosting company for AnnaBenson.com, Phil.

BB: That is a whole other kind of park Anna's operating in.

PR: So the decision has finally been realized that having Jason Giambi at first base is actually a worse idea than putting, say…. Gary Sheffield… in the playoffs… there. That’s great news for me because it means NICK JOHNSON – TRUE YANKEE SUPERSTAR!!!!... oh… umm… yeah… so… grr…. The candidates are a guy I am indifferent too (Andy Phillips), a guy I truly truly loathe (Doug Mientkiewicz) and a guy I have a big fat man crush on (Josh Phelps). So we can all see who will be the starter and who will be the person who doesn’t make the club. Stupid everything.

ED:  I watch any sort of baseball game whatsoever including meaningless ST games – well, with the exception of anything involving Rick Sutcliffe – and in the few ST Yankee games I’ve seen, the eternal source of amusement, Michael Kay, has gone on and on about the competition between Phillips and Phelps with Kay obviously being in the Phillips corner.  Now, I loved me some Andy Phillips as AAA 2B, but that is my Clipper fanboyism coming through.  And Andy Phillips as a AAA 2B was fine for what he was.  Andy Phillips as a MLB 1B is…so very far from acceptable.  But anyway, Kay, in his defense of Phillips notes that fans love his SCRAP!!!, has Joe Torre’s TRUST!!!, can play multiple positions (I guess to the extent that he can stand and watch balls go by him at 2B and 3B too) and of course, he notes that Phillips is the better defensive 1B.  Of all the ridiculousness in the above, the fact that ANYONE GIVES A CRAP ABOUT 1B DEFENSE will always amaze me BUT…BUT…BUT…given that the Yankees are going to carry Doug Misspelling just for his glove really makes any sort of defensive comparison between Phillips and Phelps meaningless.  Let’s face it, Misspelling will be in for defense in the late innings no matter WHO gets the starting nod.  So…what do the Yankees really want?  SCRAP and TRUST or a guy who can rake?  I think anyone who’s witnessed Joe Torre’s roster construction over the past 10 years knows the answer to that.  Poor-poor Josh Phelps.  I will still always visualize you as a nise-John Olerud.

BB: I don't know what John Olerud ever did to you but that's really cruel to him. A guy who showed some pop in the minors and got on the cover of Prospectus as opposed to a borderline HOF candidate? Come on old man. Don't make me send Joe over there.

PR: The outfield is Hideki Matsui, Johnny Damon, Bobby Abreu and Melky Cabrera (with Jose Tabata waiting in the wings). Really? Are we sure about this? Am getting Punk’d (that show is still on – right? Bill can fix this joke for me to make me seem hip)? They secretly signed Sammy Sosa or Jeromy Burnitz or Jack Cust or Jose Cruz or Marlon Byrd?

BB: Merked?

ED:  Aww, you will wish for the latter 3 when the Yankees are forced to call up one of the Kevin’s to make outs when Damon and Abreu go down.

PR: Man – the Yanks are going to have a must see Triple-A rotation this year with Hughes, Sanchez, Jeff Karstens and probably folks like Tyler Clippard and Steven White and who knows who else. Ed is going to be stoked for once to be close to Columbus. Oh wait…

ED:  I hate you, Phil.  Stupid c-teasing me with Philip Hughes then moving the team to Scranton.

BB: Oh come on. Now you get...um...the better half of the '98 Clippers back! Hooray Nats!

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE:
PR: Alex Rodriguez would be my immediate choice but then I realized that it would mean he would actually have to hit something when it mattered. Thank you. I will be here all week. Don’t forget to try the veal. Gary Sheffield also comes to mind but since he is in Detroit, I will just use him for the Tigers. Carl Pavano’s will be too crippled to knock an old man out. I am guessing it will end up being Colter Bean who is just going to snap the day he is told he is being sent back to Columbus. It will end up with reports of him just standing over Torre yelling “WHAT’S MY NAME BITCH?!?!?!?!?”

ED:  Phil only wrote the Columbus line since he knows the number of emails I’ve sent MC Bowdez to pick up COLTER!!!

2007 OUTLOOK:
PR: They will get into the playoffs. They will make me cry.

ED:  I am calling for some age-related drop-off offensively and for the Yankees to have to scrape to get the WC.  At that point the NY media will go ape since EVERYONE WHO GETS THE WILD CARD WINS THE WOLRD SERIES!!!  Which means the Yankees will get swept by like Anaheim in the ALDS or something.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS

2006 RECORD: 87-75

ADDITIONS: DH Frank Thomas, SS Royce Clayton, OF Matt Stairs, P Tomo Ohka, P John Thomson, P Victor Zambrano… perhaps

DEPARTURES: SP Ted Lilly, C Bengie Molina

2006 OVERVIEW: That’s right kids. The Blue Jays finished second in 06. Yes, it confused me too when I was starting this division. O CANADA!!!

PR: Man Crush Alert is in full effect for B.J. Ryan. Oh how I dreamed that glorious dream for those few minutes that you would end up on the Yankees. Mmm…. B.J. Ryan jersey. You would be right there in the immediate purchase department with the Adam Dunn and Kevin Youkilis pinstripe jerseys. The Orioles not retaining Ryan is… well… typical for Baltimore but we will talk about that further down (Hey, the Os need to be padded out with something). Now if the Blue Jays can actually figure out how to use him in save situations. I am 11 months older than Ryan. We can all see who has made a better use of their 32 years. Stupid life.

ED:  Yeah…well, John Gibbons was all sorts of weird with his pen usage last season.  Granted, he had one guy he could rely on in Ryan and then box of matches and gasoline otherwise.  It’s essentially the same sort of pen this year, with the exception that Jeremy Accardo has some upside.  Being as how Ryan is going to be 32 this year AND has thrown a lot of innings the past three seasons AND will get abused again, I could see the late innings being really ugly in Toronto this year.

PR: Good news for Jays fans in that in my only “real” fantasy league this year, (The other one I am doing is a pseudo Hacking Mass type structure where you get points for having a sucky team. Aahhhh… drafting Nick Johnson guilt free.), where I completely forgot that the draft was happening, I got Roy Halladay. That means after he loses 5 games by the first week of May, I will drop him and then he will win the Cy Young. No, not bitter at all. No idea what you are talking about. God, his K rate can't decline rapidly enough for me.

ED:  One would think Phil would just draft Yankee pitchers if he wants to work the reverse jinx angle – Lord knows the Yankee P’s will need all the help they can get.

BB: Why do you hate Kei Igawa? Ugly Midwesterner. It's ok Kei. I buy into Roy Halladay 10000%, maybe only because his nickname is Doc. He gets a lot of ground balls and he strikes some people out (as opposed to Wangie) so I mean -- he will probably get hit with a line drive but he'll be fine till then.

PR: A.J. Burnett is good when he's actually able to take the mound. Ditto for Gustavo Chacin – okay not ditto, since Chacin was certainly as crippled as Burnett but not as effective. The rest of the rotation is, God, I guess Tomo Ohka (if he too isn’t crippled) and??? John Thomson? Really??? Josh Towers is officially done? Right???

BB: Aww...he will rear back and hit 80 if you really want him to.

ED:  Well, in the Jay’s defense, going into the offseason, they wanted to sign Gil Meche and re-sign Ted Lilly but were outspent.  So JP got lucky by having to settle since I’d rather have Ohka than Meche and…well, I love Ted Lilly but he’s Eric Milton ready to happen.  Of course, I’d still rather have a bargain priced Ted Lilly AND/OR Eric Milton than John Thompson – no matter how much Thompson also hates Paul LoDuca.  God, yeah, I guess the Jays rotation is probably worse than the Yankees too once you look at the crap holding down the 4 and 5 spots.

PR: Vernon Wells is sure making a lot of money. $126 million is a heck of a lot of coin to be giving someone (especially since it is US currency… which at least for now… hasn’t collapsed. Poor poor… umm… yeah… lets go with Brazil here.) One of my personal favorite things is to look at the comparables of a player. Of course Prospectus and BaseballReference never agree.


 Baseball_Reference
 Baseball Prospectus
1)
 Aubrey Huff
 Carlos Lee
2)
 Trot Nixon
 Kevin McReynolds
3)
 Shea Hillenbrand
 Ivan Calderon
4)
 Richard Hidalgo
 Jermaine Dye
5)
 Ellis Valentine
 Kevin Mench
6)
 J.D. Drew
 Leon Roberts
7)
 Bob Nieman
 Torii Hunter
8)
 Tony Conigliaro
 Ellis Burks
9)
 Jay Payton
 Jackie Jensen
10)
 Hank Leiber
 Al Cowens

PR: Well poo – if you were going to pay someone $126 million over seven years would you it rather be from Column A or Column B? Yeah, that is some SAT level word problem right there. I must ponder whether J.P. Ricciardi looks at that list and goes “HEY! We could have kept Shea Hillenbrand at a third of the cost!” I look at these list and go “Geez – I hope Vernon’s head is harder than Tony Conigliaro’s”. Now let me just link to the FPOTM Bill wrote about Kevin McReynolds…. oh…

BB: How much are you paying me for this again?

ED:  You deny that Vernon Wells is an AMERICAN HERO!!!  WHO PLAYED IN THE WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC!!!  Of course I reckon that probably carries no weight in Toronto…but…yeah…OK.  Let’s just go with the old standby – IF THE YANKEES HADN’T GIVEN BERNIE WILLIAMS A GAZILLION DOLLARS IN 1999 THEY COULD HAVE HAD VERNON WELLS!!!  Anything to make Phil feel better about life.

PR: Finding out that Chip Cannon had clubbed footed is the sad sad highlight of my offseason. Long may you hobble on lanky all-or-nothing first base prospect.

ED:  There is nothing I can write that can touch “clubbed footed” so I will just move on.

BB: The only thing that would've topped it would have been clubbed feeted. Or clubbed feted.

PR: Since math still makes my hair hurt – which former saber darling am I supposed to hate more – Frank Catalanotto, John-Ford Griffin or Russ Adams? Does the decision rest on if I am New Skool Saber (the kids spell it with a K right?) or Old School Saber?

ED:  Well, there is still some hope that Russ Adams could one day become a 2B.  Of course, all of that depends on if the Jays stop experimenting with suck like Royce Clayton at SS and move Aaron Hill over where he should be.  Frankie the Cat will always be fine by me, but I am firmly aware that he probably should not be holding down an everyday job when guys like, say, Mark Bellhorn have to scrape to get service time.  John-Ford Griffin…well, he helped get you Jeff Weaver, Phil.  So I can…yeah…I can guess your answer.

BB: Poor Jackie Rexrode just wants to know why Prospectus won't return his calls anymore.

PR: With Bengie Molina headed out of the country and on his way to San Fran I will have to do my brother padding in the NL West. This leaves the Toronto organization with Gregg Zaun. Which would have been fine except for the fact that JP and the boys certainly didn’t want Zaun as their catcher. The US government doesn’t want me to calculate pot odds anymore but I way say that I would be getting 3:1 that Rod Barajas thought Toronto was actually in Nebraska. He was then shown a map and he mucked his contract.

BB: I have absolutely no idea what this means.

ED:  I am thinking Pat Borders sabotaged everything.  And let’s face it; there is no way Jays fans would be upset if Pat Borders came back.

PR: HI!!!! I’M JASON PHILLIPS!!! I CAN CATCH TOO!!!! AND I AM CLUTCH!!!!! OH!!! PICK ME!!! PLEASE PICK ME!!!!

ED:  Oh, those sports spec/wraparound dealies are soooooooo 2002.  

BB: Speaking of people Prospectus turned on. Yeesh.

PR: Damn – I should have saved the shouting for now since supposedly Troy Glaus is better than Adam Dunn now because Glaus reads books or something. No, I am not searching the Primer archives for that article. That being said – I adore Adam Dunn slightly less than Nick Johnson but that doesn’t mean I think Glaus is stinky either. He ain’t winning anymore rings north of the border though.

ED:  Yeah, Phil said he completely punted the Jays piece and…he wasn’t lying.  I mean, shoot, he didn’t even make the obvious jokes about flesh-eating bacteria in the Jays locker room.  Anyway,  something tells me that Glaus is going to throw his back out carrying this team since…yeah…he and Wells and Alex Rios are all the Jays have offensively.  Sure, they could make themselves a little better by making Reed Johnson disappear and giving LF or the 1B gig to Adam Lind, but JP isn’t the greatest at admitting he made a mistake with a prospect and Lyle Overbay ain’t going anywhere with that contract.  So Lind will rot either on the bench on in AAA.  Of course, odds are good that Frank Thomas will get hurt since he is made of porcelain and Astroturf ain’t a great fit for him.  So there’s some hope for Lind.  Beyond that, the only other position player prospect close to contributing is Curtis Thigpen (who also got the dreaded Toronto staff infection even though he was nowhere close to Canada last year) and he’s a C (something Toronto hasn’t developed since Pat Borders – sorry, Josh Phelps) and Thigpen really doesn’t look to have the bat that is going to help Toronto anytime soon.  So…yeah…there ya have it.  The future is a helluva lot brighter in Tampa Bay than Toronto for the time being.

BB: I wouldn't exactly be counting on Alex Rios considering he had about half a good year and then had bacteria nibble on his leg for a couple of months. Let's just say that I am skeptical.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: The whole story behind this “joke” stemmed from last season when Ed and I were joking after Ted Lilly and Shea Hillenbrand wanted to beat the snot out of John Gibbons that there was one person on each team who would punch their manager in the face. Of course, neither one of us actually wrote it. Now, with both Lilly and Hillenbrand gone, you would think that Gibbons would be in the clear but I am sure that his entire team loathes him on some level. There are plenty of “well it could be Player X but he would injury himself doing it” jokes to be made with this team. Still, I am going with John-Ford Griffin because it will be his last gasp attempt to make the sabers love him still. God Speed Little Doodle.

ED:  God, John-Ford Griffin is soooooooooooooo beneath the radar at this point.  It would take a half-dozen Jays OFers to die for Griffin to be relevant again…and even then that would only be relevant is a Gabe Kapler sorta way.  And if Gabe Kapler would punch a manager in the face, you know he would shred his shoulder in the process.

2007 OUTLOOK
PR: “We didn’t make the playoffs again?” “That sucks, eh.”
BOSTON RED SOX

2006 RECORD: 86-76

ADDITIONS: GREATEST PLAYER TO EVER THROW A BASEBALL Daisuke Matsuzaka, P Brendan Donnelly, OF J.D. Drew, INF Julio Lugo, Other Japanese Pitcher Hideki Okajima, P Joel Pineiro

DEPARTURES: RP Keith Foulke, OF Gabe Kapler, 1B J.T. Snow

2006 OVERVIEW: If only the season ended at the All-Star Break. Heck even at the end of July. Poor poor ugly finish. Remember though – none of this was Curt Schilling’s fault.

PR: Riddle me this: Do you think Mike O’Malley would rather have it be 2004 over and over again or do you think he would still be earning GUTS cash and be thin? Poor poor The Rick.

BB: Mmmm...Moira Quirk. Why yes I will meet you underneath the agro-crag. No, I don't need a spotter baby. I'm gonna do this one all by myself. You can call me Bodacious if you have to.

ED:  I have no clue what that meant.  But I will just contribute this – RANDOM CARTOON IMAGES TO STRIKE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF BOSTON FANS!!!


PR: Daisuke Matsuzaka is coming to America! And you know what that means? My favorite journalistic fallback. The “A Guy Played Somewhere Foreign And We Are Really Confused By Him And Since We Don’t Like To Do Research And Fear The Unknown Everything Must Come From Fantasyland” stories. ICHIRO CAN HIT HOME RUNS BUT IT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL!!! HIDEKI MATSUI IS AN ALIEN THAT IS WHY HE NEVER MISSES GAMES!!! MARK HUTTON’S PITCHES SPIN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION BECAUSE THEY ARE FROM SOUTH OF THE EQUATOR!!! DAVE NILSSON CAN RAKE BECAUSE THEY ARE ALLOWED TO BAT WITH A DIGARYDOO!!!

ED:  Well, Phil was close enough with didgeridoo.  But my favorite thing about the Matsuzaka signing was how everyone at Primer (read: the SOSH folk) going on and on about how no one in Japan had ever heard of Boston before.  I mean, Boston is what – one of the 5 largest cities in America?  Yeah, no way anyone in Japan had ever heard of Boston.  Nope, the Pixies never sold an album in Japan.  Nope, there are no Japanese boots of Mission of Burma.  No, Hideo Nomo had never pitched for the Red Sox.  No one in Japan had ever-ever-ever-ever-ever heard of Boston before.  Thanks for clearing that up.  And thanks for contributing to the general watering down of the gene pool.  Please go gas yourselves with the fumes of Schilling’s bloody sock.  Here!  Take a random picture of a cartoon character to the grave with you.  PANIC!!!


PR: The gyroball of course is the root of all this. It has gotten to the point that Peter Gammons may or may not have claimed that the gyroball will give a batter a happy ending before breaking across the plate. This is some fine fine carny stuff going on. I mean, it’s like Andre coming out of the French Alps. I can’t wait till Antonio Inoki proclaims that Dice-K is his illegitimate child.

ED:  Aww, you just want me to picture Peter Gammons signing “Turning Japanese” don’t you.  And now all of you will picture Peter Gammons “turning Japanese” and off yourselves immediately.

BB: I have no idea where I can even contribute to this thing.

PR: Mind you – Matsuzaka could be blinding us all with science.

PR: SCIENCE!

ED: Or merely trying to instill panic in all of Boston with a random cartoon image! (Note, never-ever-ever type “anime” in a Google image search.  Stupid internet.)



PR: Curt Schilling has a plan. He will win 49 games and if he doesn’t it isn’t because he is 40 and a cripple. It is because YOU! the Boston fan did not support the team enough. Well, that and the fact that Terry Francona pled those pesky youngsters too much.

ED: “Pled those pesky youngsters” would top the Phil amazing list of the 2007 preview if it wasn’t for the “clubbed footed” line from above.

BB: This would be worse if it were plied those pesky youngsters. I would be in danger if I still had hair.

PR: Matsuzaka will win 20 because he is a Japanese God (which is still a lesser deity than Lord Curt). He will demand that the grounds crew extend the walls around Fenway 100 feet into the sky. This will prevent Josh Beckett from giving up home runs (36? Yeesh… maybe he should try not to prevent blisters.) Tim Wakefield… well… he can win however many damn games as he wants to because Wakey is the only one who can roll with Schilling. Wakefield has been around the block once or twice and remembers the good old times. B-TOWN 4 LIFE!!!!

ED:  Random cartoon image to cause PANIC!!!

 

PR: Why yes I just got the mental image of Schilling and Wakefield trying to do some sort of gang sign for BOS and that made me giggle. THEN I thought of Bill Simmons, Ben Affleck and Steven King trying to copy and one of them accidentally tearing a ligament. It would be a horrible horrible spoof of that one scene from Office Space. You know – that one scene. You haven’t seen Office Space? You and your youth suck. Stupid job.

ED:  OK, I am picturing Wakefield flashing gang signs but only using his knuckleball grip when flashing said signs.  THIS MUST HAPPEN.  Oh, random cartoon image to cause panic.



PR: David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez will need to drive in 42 runs a game just so the bullpen will never have to protect a lead. Remember a couple years ago when they tried the closer by committee? Aww…. this will be even cuter. Back then, they acquired Keith Foulke and he was a savior. By the end of last year, Foulke might as well have been hit with falling Big Dig construction and had to endure the shame of going to Ohio to retire. This year it is either going be Mike Timlin or Joel Pineiro or PROVEN COLLEGE CLOSER Craig Hansen or CANCER FREE Jon Lester. Pretty much the only person it won’t is Rich Garces. Yeah… Jonathan Papelbon is going to have to close on the days he isn’t starting. Maybe whichever younger Papelbon brother Boston has in the system can confuse people with his throwing motion and earn some saves.

ED:  Aww, Phil never read the party line.  2003 WAS NEVER A CLOSER BY COMMITTEE EXPERIMENT!!!  YOU HATE SABRHOOD!!!

 

PR: Yup – wrote all of that before Papelbon had his conversation with Jimmy Cricket and announced that he needed to be the Boston closer. And that Julian Tavarez was going to be the 5th starter. Oh yeah, THAT will turn out well. Grr… stupid liquid preview.

ED:  Well, all things considered, anyone being overjoyed that Papelbon is now going to be throwing less innings has a big problem with math.  HOWEVER, the Sox are only killing their #5 starter spot and no one needs a #5 starter till late-April/early-May so that won’t effect them too much.  And really, would you honestly want any of that other dreck closing games for you?  So in the end, it’s much ado about nothing.  The Sox can cobble together a #5 starter out of the myriad arms they have in middle relief (preferably Pineiro or Lester) and get along just fine.  I mean, it’s still a better situation than the Yankees have…if Beckett doesn’t suck and Schilling is healthy. 


 
PR: Oh before I forgot – I need to apologize to Lenny DiNardo. Sorry for all those nice things we said about you last year. Sorry to ruin your career.

ED:  I think you forgotted so soon that DiNardo is an A.  Mmm, Handsomest GM.

PR: That was a mighty big cliff Jason Varitek fell off of. But, hey, he is learning Japanese, give him lots more money. Only two more years of that $40 million contract to go, boys! At least Doug Mirabelli forgave them for trading him to San Diego and was willing to sign another one-year deal. Thank God someone can catch Tim Wakefield. Yup – Mirabelli strikes me as the type of person who made up his own business cards, with the title along the lines of “5th Degree Knuckle Ball Master”. Mirabelli also strikes me as being one of Mike Timlin’s few MySpace friends. George Kottaras really shouldn’t get to comfortable in Pawtucket.

ED:  We all now shed another tear for Kelly Shoppach. 

PR: Last year, I bemoaned how the Sox basically C-blocked two 3B prospects by getting Mike Lowell in the Josh Beckett trade. Andy Marte never unpacked and Kevin Youkilis was sent across the diamond. Youkilis had a fine season (.279/.381/.429 with a VORP above 19). He is projected to have another fine season (.270/.375/.455 with above average defense and his VORP still right around 19). But apparently because he isn’t Carlos Delgado, Prospectus wants Boston to trade him. Because you know – Mike Lowell is UNTRADABLE!!! WE CAN’T ASK THE ONE TESTICLE PUERTO RICAN TO LEAVE!!! THAT WOULD BE UNAMERICAN!!!

ED:  Well, Youk will probably not hit for enough power anytime soon to be a prime time 1B.  Granted, that has not stopped many other 1B, but them’s the facts.  And of course, the Sox could afford to sacrifice Youk’s power thanks to having Papi and Manny and now JD Drew.  Then again, if you are going to sacrifice power at a traditionally power hitting position, you had better be getting power from the non-conventional positions.  And other than Julio Lugo having more pop than anything the Sox have trotted out at SS since Nomar, this…really is not going to be the case.  So, if you want to get down to brass tacks about which of Youk or Lowell the Sox should keep and get a real 1B, the answer is – depends on whatcha like.  Lowell is better with the glove at 3B and his range factor smokes Youk’s.  Youk gets on base more than Lowell and is younger (and cheaper, not that it matters to the Sox) and Lowell seems to have only hit a little bit of a power surge last year thanks to the Green Monster.  If you’re all about the D and the want your best chance of winning this year, you keep Lowell at 3B and deal with the future as it comes.  For the long term, you keep Youk, move him to 3B, sacrifice some D and trade Lowell to the Angels for one of their 3000 1B.  Or you do neither and hope none of Manny, Papi or Drew get hurt.  Yeah…don’t bank on that last scenario.
 

PR: Julio Lugo is now the 4th shortstop to play for Boston since they told Nomar Garciaparra to hit the breaks two seasons ago. Yes, it has been two seasons already. So very long ago. Edgar Renteria – how you were hated so. At the moment Nomar was traded in THE DEAL THAT BROKE THE CURSE!!!! RINGS!!! his numbers were
PA BA
 OBP
 SLG
 EQA
169
 .321
 .367
 .500
 .290

PR: The folks that Boston brought in because NOMAR’S GLOVE AND SLIGHTY EFFEMINATE LOOKS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE ALLOWED THEM TO WIN A TITLE!!!

PLAYER
 PA
 BA
 OBP
 SLG
 EQA
P. Reese (04)
 268
 .221
 .271
 .303
 .208
O. Cabrera (04)
 248
 .294
 .320
 .465
 .270
E. Renteria (05)
 692
 .276
 .335
 .385
 .260
A. Cora (05)
 116
 .269
 .310
 .394
 .249
A. Cora (06)
 264
 .238
 .312
 .298
 .221
A. Gonzalez (06)
 429
 .255
 .299
 .397
 .244

PR: Yup – so glad they signed Lugo to a 4-year $36 million contract. No no – don’t tell them that he might still be gimpy and that he apparently is the one person who doesn’t do better in the National League. TAKE THAT MR. PRETTY BOY! HAVE FUN SLEEPING WITH YOUR FORMER ATHLETE WIFE!!! WE WILL TOUCH OURSELVES TO HEATHER MILLS INSTEAD!!!

BB: Still have no idea what to say here.

ED:  Well, you don’t factor in the intangibles, Phil.  Pokey Reese was pretty horrible all around but he could field when he was healthy – he just was never happy.  My man crush for Edgar Renteria knows no limits, but he was pretty bad with the glove with Boston.  Alex Gonzalez could field but he has no business holding a bat in his hand.  The OC of course…well…Simmons has already made him out to be Honus Wagner so no touching that.  But what everyone fails to factor in, is that none of them were as excellent wife beaters as Julio Lugo.  Boston fans have to go back all the way to Wil Cordero to find a wife beater any better than Julio Lugo.  $36 million for a guy brazen enough to beat his wife in the stadium parking lot is a bargain.  Brett Myers rejoices.

 

PR: Assuming that MLB didn’t void the contact again – J.D Drew is a member of the Boston Red Sox (hehehehehe). Reports came out that Drew sleeps in an oxygen tent. Perhaps he should consider playing the outfield in a bubble. Poor poor cripple. Oh yeah – I like this outfield far more than I should. Manny, Drew, Eric Hisnke, Coco Crisp and Wily Mo Pena. High comedy here we come.

ED:  See, a better man than me would have made the immediate connection of JD Drew-oxygen tent and bubbles and made a nasty comment about Drew touching Theo in a Michael Jackson-esque manner.  But I need to get this done, so I will let the reader(s?) make the joke.  God, the amount of ground Drew will have to cover to make up for Manny and Coco will be amazing.  You really shouldn’t ask that of a fragile man.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE
PR: Alex Cora. I mean its one thing to bring in Julio Lugo to not allow you to play but he clearly has to still be seeing about having to play behind one of the Alex Gonzalezes. I figure it will happen after Francona starts playing Dustin Pedroia at short instead of second.

ED:  I cannot imagine Cora getting upset enough to want anyone to realize he is collecting a major league paycheck for doing nothing.  
BB: I think I want to punch Phil and Ed in the face at this point. Here is my Red Sox preview: I like Daisuke Matsuzaka much like I liked Kevin Youkilis. I am sure the media and fans will make me hate Matsuzaka at some point. Fortunately, the media and fans hated Bellhorn so that just made me like him more.

2007 OUTLOOK:
PR: Curt Schilling will annoy us all. Well except the people who post at SOSH. God, I hate baseball.

ED:  Baseball America picks the Sox to win the World Series out of the Wild Card.  I can see them winning the East but failing in the playoffs.
BALTIMORE ORIOLES

2006 RECORD: 70-92

ADDITIONS: SP Jaret Wright, 1B/OF Aubrey Huff, OF Jay Payton, SP (hehehehe) Steve Tracshel, RP Chad Bradford, RP Danys Baez, P Scott Williamson, OF Roger Cedeno, P Paul Shuey, P Jamie Walker

DEPARTURES: SP Rodrigo Lopez, RP LaTroy, RP Chris Britton

2006 OVERVIEW: The 4 billion Os who played in the WBC were just as stinky during the regular season too. Still they would have been good except for those blasted Washington Nationals. If they didn’t exist the good fans of the Washtimore area would have willed them to a title. WE WOULD HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES IF IT WASN’T FOR THE WORLD BASEBALL CLINIC AND THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS!!! Hey! They are still better than Tampa.

ED:  Bill and I conversed over what the World Baseball Clinic is and we figured it must be a place where players from around the world congregate to get their magic “B-12” shots.

BB: I am not ruining Phil's gimmick here. Shh...

PR: If there is one YouTube video I could see would be a montage of the weird Oriole management team celebrating each of their “triumphs” for the last few seasons, like “YES! We signed Kevin Millar!” or “High Five! We acquired Jaret Wright” or “Man, can you believe that we were able to trade Rodrigo Lopez?”. It would lots of awkward white man chest bumps and we would all be giggling on the inside. And the video would have to be set to the music from Final Fantasy VII when Aeris dies.

ED:  Aww, if only there was an accompanying video of where the front office staff looks bewildered when all of the VETERAN!!! arms in the pen go down with season-ending elbow injuries by Memorial Day.

PR: If there is one MySpace Comment I could see it would be when Aubrey Huff leaves a not so sincere note for Jay Payton after beating him out for a starting gig. “Dude… it totally sucked at work today. :( But you probably knew that already. Totally didn’t mean to bogart your job. You are totally better than that rook. Forget that loser. You don’t need him. I heart you. Here watch this clip from the Family Guy – it will totally make you feel better.  <3 Aubrey”

ED:  I really don’t picture Aubrey Huff being hip to the internets.  He MIGHT access his Orioles Hotmail account once in a while to see if the front office is trying to email him about a contract extension.  But beyond the occasional d/l of free porn and a Staind song…nope.  

PR: If there is one BangBus video I could see it would the one with Anna Benson paying a visit to the Os at the end of a West Coast swing probably with Nick Markakis and then Kris Benson shows up and Anna swears at him a lot and it culminates with her yelling “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO GIMPY?!?!??! ARE YOU GOING TO TRY AND HIT ME WITH YOUR ONE GOOD ARM?!?!?!”

ED:  Well…yeah…moving along then.

BB: This is why we keep Phil on retainer.

PR: If there is one Facebook poke I could do it would be to taunt Jay Gibbons about how he still isn’t going to be playing first yet again. Of course – I have no freaking clue how Facebook actually works since I am an old, old man. Yeah – if I was on Facebook I am sure several people would be reporting me to Chris Hansen.

BB: I am still getting Chris Hansen and Craig Hansen confused so I am still unsure why you would want to be friends with some random failed St. John's closer.

ED:  I do not know what a Facebook poke is, but I am certain it would have to involve Anna Benson too.  

PR: If there is one Friendster… well I will call it moment… I could witness it would be Chris Gomez signing up in the hopes of impressing people that he was a major leaguer and having all these friends and then realizing he was in the virtual seen from an episode of The Twilight Zone. (This would have to be complete with all the younger players snickering behind his back and asking him what it was like to use a ???

ED:  OK, Phil is now just getting Jooge to write stuff for him.

BB: Ooh - ooh - WHAT WAS THE ??? You will have to wait till 2008 to find out. VP GETS RICH!

PR: This turned out better than me figuring out of to finish that joke.

PR: Sports Illustrated reporting that members of the Os organization saying the reason that the staff’s ERA was like 19 runs a game was because Miguel Tejada has a CRAPPY RANGE FACTOR~! falls just behind Chip Cannon and his goofy feet as my favorite thing to happen before the season started. Yeah – I love the people who run Baltimore.

ED:  Well, if Tejada didn’t need to cover the entire infield in lieu of the rest of the Orioles infielders…whatever.  He’s still above league average, so maybe it’s all Miggy’s fault that he cannot cover the entire expanse of grass in Camden Yards.  Certainly this is not the pitcher’s fault since Leo is the pitching coach and you know he can do no wrong.

BB: Poor Bruce Chen. That had failure written all over it.

PR: You knew that Brian Roberts’ contract extension was going to be humorous. Now don’t get me wrong – Roberts is a perfectly find player and Baltimore managed to not give him a deal that was actual meant for like David Sequi or Albert Belle. Heck – it isn’t even one of those goofy FA deals where like Gary Matthews Jr. got a million dollars for each needle he used. The limited no trade clause and $14 million over the next two years are what are making me smile. Because when Roberts’ ligaments going flying into the infield because he lost his grip on the bat swinging for the fences because HE IS A POWER HITTING DAMMIT!!!! is the part that will be great in 6 months. “What do you mean no one is willing to take on a cripples’ contract? This is America for Christ Sakes. Well thank God Peter is a law. He can sue them into taking the contract. And if not, he can blame it on the Nationals and Bud Selig will give us another TV station.”

ED:  HE IS A POWER HITTING DAMMIT!!!!  This and the clubbed footed line is all you need to take away from the preview.

BB: Seriously, what can I add to that? So what if I'm a professional? I am useless in the face of power hitting damnit.

PR: The Orioles are going to start the season with like 23 pitchers and yet Hayden Penn is not one of them. I shouldn’t laugh at that but I do. The rest of the season will be Chris Ray saving all off Erik Bedard’s starts. No No – no need to have two quality bullpen pitchers. We don’t need B.J. Ryan and we don’t need to actually get anything in return for his services. Brilliant! Adam Loewen pitches like he just started a WBC game three days early. Poor poor national hero. But have no fear – Jaret Wright AND Steve Trachsel are here. At least Daniel Cabrera throws really really hard… sometimes. Yup – that is the sound of Miguel Tejada weeping.

ED:  And the O’s could have had Ervin Santana for Tejada and had payroll flexibility to get another real starter AND fill all of their other holes.  Oh well, looking up at the D-Rays is not the worst thing in the world, I guess.

BB: Of course, "payroll flexibility" would mean that Gil Meche would be getting $60 million instead of $55 million. Baseball is so real.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE:
PR: Miquel Tejada when he realizes that the team won’t be making the playoffs… again.

ED:  Yeah, well lots of money can make me forget my angst too.

2007 OUTLOOK:
PR: Well, that top 5 draft pick sure is a nice thing.
TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS

2006 RECORD: 61-101

ADDITIONS: 3B Akinori Iwamura, VP Favorite 1B Carlos Pena and Hee-Seop Choi, INF Brendan Harris, Body Greg Norton

DEPARTURES: Ps Travis Harper, Tyler Walker and Brian Meadows

2006 OVERVIEW:
PR: 9th year same as 7 of the other 8! Pay no attention to 2004. We promise that won’t happen again. That would have never have happened under Larry Rothschild’s watch.

PR: I joked with Bill and Ed at different times about how I should just let my son near the computer and let his random keystrokes be the Devil Rays section. Of course, shortly after making one of these jokes, the boy took his diaper off and started flinging poop around the apartment. So nothing that will follow this will probably be as funny as flying feces.

ED:  Like the D-Rays won’t read this and make that a promotion this year.

BB: Aww...Veeck as in...can't work blue...

PR: For whatever reason, I feel like the most underrated signing of the season was the Rays winning the rights to Akinori Iwamura and actually signing him to play third. Since no one follows baseball in Tampa Bay (I mean everyone is either napping or at Red Lobster) so there hasn’t been any wild “Iwamura has as many arms as Ganesh, that’s why he won all them foreign Gold Gloves” stories. Yeah – he might be temporarily blocking some of the other third baseman but he could end up at a bunch of other positions. Though I am sure this organization will play him at like catcher. “HE HAS TO BE JUST LIKE KENJI JOHJIMA!!! ALL LOOK SAME!!!!”

ED:  If by underrated, you mean unnecessary then…OK.  Poor-poor BJ Upton.  You are too beautiful for this division.

BB: BJ Upton is beginning to become an aught-era D'Angelo Jimenez -- he is a major car accident away and considering he probably drives with Elijah Dukes -- there is a road rage incident waiting to happen there. I am thinking Dukes starts pimping grandmothers and danger occurs.

PR: By the time you read this neither will be with the team but Carlos Pena and Hee-Seop Choi were competing for the starting 1B gig. (The actually roster spots will go to Ty Wigginton and Greg Norton). I could see Hee-Seop and Carlos discussing their internet fandom and Hee-Seop being all sorts of confused and Carlos trying to share his ESPN INSIDER account password and Hee-Seop being all “무엇?” and Carlos going “It’s NEUhusky and the password is wickedcool”.

BB: There were kanji there before Ed's IBM PS/2 got to this document. Ed is excited that he might find a copy of Windows 95 for under $6 one of these days and finally be able to multitask and get off the main prospect screen.

ED:  Like I need to give up hope of having Carlos Pena back in Columbus in the ’07.  Remember, Carlos – you will only be blocked by Nick Johnson when you return to Columbus and being blocked by Nick Johnson is like having a tissue paper barricade before you.

PR: Rocco Baldelli is as fragile as Harry Kewell (just as fragile but clearly not as dreamy or Australian). So while he is able to hobble around the outfield, he will hit right around .300 with some pop. And then there will be some sort of horrific three-way collision between Baldelli, Elijah Dukes/Delmon Young (insert whichever one happens to not be suspended at that moment in time) and Carl Crawford because injury-prone, speed and rage is quite the bizarre Floridian Triple-Sec.

ED:  Again, the D-Rays could have traded Baldelli for Scott Olsen and had a nice little one-two punch in the starting rotation.  Sure, both Baldelli and Olsen are hopelessly doomed, but at least the Rays could have lessened some of their OF logjam in the process while they could get something out of Baldelli.  Instead, they will trade him to Boston for like Coco Crisp and John Lester’s glow in the dark tumor and everyone will laugh and laugh.

BB: As long as they get Coco's dad off my TV -- that is fine by me. Of course, Baldelli and Jeff Francouer are having a Red Sox-off so that means they will both get here and combine for thirty walks and 1000 outs. Whee!

PR: Yeah – Carl Crawford proclaiming that he was going to be the greatest baseball player and the greatest fantasy baseball player is definitely up there in the creepy being a little too into your craft. It’s like Shelton Benjamin being the Smackdown vs. Raw King. Of course – you can tell that I am padding when I am making a freaking Shelton Benjamin reference in the D-Rays section. Anyway – if Crawford is going to get that nerdy and inside maybe he can ask Tristan Cockcroft to cast +5 Defense on him. Aww… speed can’t help with the catching and throwing parts.

BB: I need to let FOX not ever ever read that paragraph. Of course, I don't need to do very much to make that happen.

ED:  Did I mention clubbed footed and HE IS A POWER HITTING DAMMIT!!!!?

PR: Of the entire pitching staff – the only person anyone would ever want is Scott Kazmir. He will get his 15 wins… assuming his arm doesn’t snap again. There is Casey Fossum who was going to be the new hotness two years ago. Right now – we could the Steve McNair image for him. Edwin Jackson… well I would want Edwin Jackson but clearly I am a fool. I am guessing the shelf life on his prospectiveness is about to expire. I guess Jae Seo is going to be a starter by default. Oh and there is Jason Hammel who… yeah… he is going to pretend he didn’t pitch in the majors last year. I could recommend that Tampa Bay acquire Carl Pavano because I would be giddy but since Pavano is now a certified OPENING DAY STARTER!!!! he is bound for Baltimore.

ED:  Bill and I discussed what “prospectiveness” means.  The best we could come up with is that Edwin Jackson is now a fat, balding white man.  Don’t do the podcasts, Edwin.  PLEASE don’t do the podcasts.

BB: That one too. I also apparently should not do podcasts.

PR: I am guessing someone will be around to collect like the 20 saves the entire team will rack up this year. Seth McClung will apparently get the first crack at closing out those dozens of games that the Rays are leading in the 9th. Maybe Dan Miceli will get a few for those moments that his shoulder doesn’t make creaking noises when he throws. The proceeding paragraph was written basically as a cheat sheet for myself when searching for cheap saves in June. Stupid everything.

ED: Aww, like Joe Maddon won’t just make the starters throw complete games just to prevent the messes.

BB: I like the idea of Joe Maddon being a mix of John Madden and Joe Budden. Which means he would be a big EA mark.

PR: Je devine quelqu'un sera environ de recueillir comme le 20 épargnent l'équipe entière accumulera cette année. Seth McClung obtiendra apparemment la première fissure à liquidant ces douzaines de jeux que les Rayons mènent dans le neuvième. Peut-être Dan Miceli obtiendra quelques-uns pour ces moments que son épaule ne fait pas grincer des bruits quand il lance. Le paragraphe de procédé a été écrit fondamentalement comme une feuille qui triche pour m'en cherchant bon marché épargne en juin. Stupide tout.

PR: Sorry – Aidan somehow figured out how to turn on the French subtitles.

ED:  And there we go, Phil tops prospectiveness, clubbed footed and HE IS A POWER HITTING DAMMIT!!!!  As if you have to ask if we do this for any other reasons than to amuse ourselves.

PR: TBDR somehow managed to only win 61 games last year. They won 41 of those at home. Aww… that means they only won 20 games on the road. That is some ugly ugly baseball right there. This is clearly all the fault of not getting a new stadium or not moving to Las Vegas or still having Devil in their name or that they just stink.

ED:  Oh, they stunk.  But they will be better than the O’s in ‘07.  For a helluva lot less money.

PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO PUNCH THEIR MANAGER IN THE FACE:
PR: Since it is most likely to punch them and not hurl a bat into their face, I will go with Elijah Dukes over Delmon Young. So young. So much rage.

ED:  I’m a-guessing Elijah will never get that chance in Tampa Bay.  Just a hunch.

2007 OVERVIEW:
PR: AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST CHAMPIONS!!!! No no not this year… or next year… or the years after that. But PROSPECTS~! We will win it – Believe It!!!

ED:  Ehh.  That’s still a damn good farm system.  Not this year, but…give ‘em some time.  

BB: I am not sure what I added to this but I am done. Whee!!!