VP 2009 NATIONAL LEAGUE CENTRAL PREVIEW

ED: Well, here we go again. The '09 Preview. And I start things off with the NL Central. Pull the band aid off quickly and get the pain over with. And here we are with the Cubs. Yeah. God is cruel.

PR: Remember that one year when I wrote the Devil Rays (which they were at the time so quit your bitching) were clearly trying to cast Major League 4 and then the Rays went and released everyone and it ruined my joke? Well, that happens throughout this entire division. Ed did this first. I waited and commented on it last. Which was like over a month after Ed wrote it. It is especially amusing come the Reds section.

ED: So the Cubs won the NL Central again, thanks mostly to the rest of the pack not having a clue how to compete. There you go, every Midwestern sports league seems to subscribe to the Paul Taglaibue school of parity - if everyone is awful, everyone wins…except the fans…but they are all stupid marks who can be easily conned.

PR: One of these days, Ed will have to show us on the doll where Tags touched him. We can run it in the football preview. It can replace the Steve McNair injury chart. Long may you ride classic VP gag.

ED: So the Cubs ran away from the pack early thanks to good starting pitching - or at least better starting pitching than everyone else in the NL Central. Some will even argue that the Cubs had/have quite possibly the best starting pitching in the entire league. And on paper again the Cubs figure to be the best in at least this division pitching-wise. I dunno if I buy their pitching as being leaps and bounds better than everyone else in the NL (meaning the D-Backs and Dodgers, mainly), but clearly the line in the NL Central starts with the Cubs.

PR: HOW CAN YOU IGNORE THE PHILLIES?!?! RING BITCH!!! HOW CAN YOU IGNORE THE METS?!?! LATINO BITCH!!! Yeah – the Cubs are the best in the NL but that is also because I have giant man-crushes on Ted Lilly and Rich Harden.

ED: Of course, this is a Lou Piniella pitching staff. Things have been running a little too smoothly for a Piniella staff the last couple of years (even given that Carlos Zambrano missed four starts in mid-season 08 due to arm issues), so it's not like anyone should be too tremendously shocked if the Cubs starting staff completely fell apart. And if that happens…Lookout below!!!

PR: Heck, even if their pitching went all Thelma & Louise, they are still going to win this division. God the National League is brutal. The biggest worry the Cubs might have is that Zambrano is going to get stabbed by some Wrigley loving lunatic. “Don't you talk back to me! You show me some respect! Without people like me, you're nothing! We're the ones that get you your 40 f’n million!”

ED: In the last few previews we've expressed both love and fear of Ted Lilly, but it appears now he's worked out his ouchie issues and looks to be a guy who's going to give you 30-34 starts and right about 200 innings a year. Yes, I do realize that I just jinxed him and he's probably looking to get Dr Andrews on speed dial. BUT IF…IF I am not a big fat jinx (fat chance), then Lilly looks to be one of the best FA steals over the past few years. (If I were really evil, I would track for Phil how Lilly has progressed since the Yankees replaced him with Jeff Weaver and then go into the abysmal nature of the Yankees #5 starter since the trade. But let's face it, Phil has far enough problems to face than having to relive that.)

PR: What was even more heart breaking about the Lily deal was that he was one of the guys we got for Hideki Irabu. I mean he could have stood on the mound, picking his nose and it was have been a better contribution to the pitching staff. Stupid Hideki Irabu. I my most hated trade list – the Lily one is probably third or fourth. If I look at it rationally and factor in all the names of the deal and actual production, it might be number one.

ED: You get beyond Lilly and Zambrano (both with their own sorts of injury concerns), the rest of the Cubs rotation is a grab bag of guys you have to hold your breath about (and that's even taking into consideration that I really like Rich Harden more than I should). And if any of them fall apart or flat out suck like one could expect, the Cubs sure aren't going to have an easy time with running away with this division - no matter how poor the NL Central is at its core.

PR: It’s good to know that halfway through the first team and Ed is already repeating himself. (And I am just going along with it.) Hey! The Cubs have good pitching if healthy but they will still win this dreadful division!

ED: This is where I would normally mock the Cubs bullpen. But this is a Lou Piniella pen. They've got enough trauma in their lives without me pointing and laughing at them.

PR: Aww… can’t Jeff Samardzija use the power of Touchdown Jesus to heal them?

ED: Anyone honestly think Lou Piniella is going to give the closer gig to Carlos Marmol over PVC!!! Kevin Gregg? Yeah...me neither. Then again, I didn't expect Piniella to allow Soto to be his catcher all year either. What do I know?

PR: Well of course Marmol wasn’t getting the gig. I mean all the rags were like “ONE TO WATCH CARLOS MARMOL!!! THE GREATEST NON-MET LATINO!!!” I figure the magic number is three. That would be the number of blown saves before Marmol is the closer.

ED: The funniest thing about the Cubs this offseason is the pick up of Milton Bradley. Now, granted, I've both crapped all over and defended Milton Bradley over the past few years as much as anyone. And if Bradley is neither bat-crap insane nor hurt, he's a nice player to have on your team. Nice. Nice is not better than Adam Dunn or Pat Burrell, both of whom are saner and less fragile than Bradley and both could have been had for the same amount of money the Cubs shelled out for Bradley. And the huge problem you have with the Bradley signing is betting on him NOT being bat-crap insane and/or hurt. Which, of course, no one brings up. Instead, the previews I've stumbled across all bring up…wait for it…CLUBHOUSE CHEMISTRY!!!!! BRADLEY IS A CLUBHOUSE CANCER!!!!! Now, unless CLUBHOUSE CHEMISTY!!! is a new euphemism for dealing undetectable steroids, I have no idea what the issue is. BRADLEY IS PLAYING FOR LOU PINIELLA NOW, PEOPLE!!! If he goes bat-crap insane again, he will either be dead by spring training or shipped off say, KC. In all other situations when Bradley took advantage of his managers, the managers he pushed to the point of Bradley getting run out of town usually were the meekest managers in the game. Piniella clearly is not someone Bradley will push. But the major issue here is the fact that Bradley is as fragile PHYSICALLY as he is mentally. Meaning that the only reason he played all of 126 games last year was because he was DH'ing. Now, I am no great mind, but if Bradley suddenly played his second highest total games of his entire career (and that total being ONLY 126 games) when allowed to DH, I am not going to be too excited about paying him a boatload of money to be my regular RF. All things considered though, as far as bad contracts to fragile players, it's still a better deal than what the Yankees gave AJ Burnett to be nuevo Carl Pavano.

PR: Grr…. stupid baseball. Anyway, maybe the Cubs signed Bradley to be their Cliff Floyd only they weren’t stupid enough to come out and announce that they had signed him to DH in AL park games. Here is the weird thing about Bradley – if he wasn’t insane, he would be one of those guys who would be criminally underappreciated. I mean his top PECOTA comp is Ken Singleton and y’all should know how much Ed and I love Ken Singleton. He will be horrific in the field but if he could ever have one season where he played 150+ games, the numbers he projects to put up would be worth it.

ED: Of course, with Bradley being as fragile as he is, the Piniella-Fukodome love affair will continue. Despite throwing Fukodome under the bus in the midst of the Cubs' playoff collapse, Lou's going to have to trot out the IMPORT THAT CANNOT BE MENTIONED!!! Which is sort of a good thing, considering that Fukodome actually appears to be a really good defensive outfielder. On paper, it would actually be ideal to platoon Fukodome with Reed Johnson at CF…except Fukodome was abysmal against lefties, he makes far too much money to be a platoon player and…well, they'll both have to play given that Bradley is going to end up crippled for at least 50 games. So there you go. At least with Johnson and Fukodome in the OF together (or even with one of them and Bradley) the Cubs can bring the defense in CF and RF…which is more than we can say for much of the rest of the Cubs.

PR: My favorite part of Fukodome coming to Chicago is the underlying theme of how racist the folks in Chicago could be. “Whadda ya mean the “Horry Kow!” T-shirts are offensive. You so crazy.”

ED: WE HAVE HAD TO LIVE WITH COUNTLESS DUMB POLLACK JOKES!!! WE CANNOT TELL A JAP JOKE?? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TOO?!?!?!?!

ED: You've got to believe that the people most depressed about Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn being out of the NL Central are Alfonso Soriano and Carlos Lee - now the worst OF gloves in the entire division (well, possibly…god knows what the Pirates will trot out in the corner OF spots). If Ted Lilly brings home an ERA under 4 with Soriano haplessly swatting at flies in LF behind him, it may possibly be the greatest pitching performance ever…well, this side of Carlos Zambrano bringing down an ERA under 4 with that infield behind him, I guess.

PR: Aww… well Eric Hinske is technically listed as a backup outfielder in Pittsburgh so that is amusing. I would also say that while Jay Bruce may be pretty with the bat, his glove is already saying that maybe he should turn into a 1B/DH guy. Of course, dreamy Joey Votto is there. Yeah… all of this should have been saved for later on in this division.

ED: The Cubs were exposed in the past two postseasons thanks to their poor infield defense. The Cubs kicked more balls in the Dodgers NLDS fiasco than Shane Lechler had to do as Raiders punter (think that one through). Replacing Mark DeRosa with Aaron Miles is a slight - VERY SLIGHT - improvement, but there's a damning with faint praise deal for you. The Cubs are brutal up the middle but that's OK, they're brutal on the left side too thanks to Aramis Ramirez. And Derrek Lee is no longer anything spectacular at 1B either. I assume the pitcher scouting report meetings consist of just trying to figure how to get everyone to loft a lazy fly ball to CF and RF. And I'm certain trying to convince Cubs pitchers to induce fly balls at home is right up there with trying to talk someone into being Dick Cheney's hunting buddy.

PR: Luckily for them, everyone suddenly realized that the Yankees played some terrible defense too so all the HOW CAN THEY WIN THE WORLD SERIES WITH STONE HANDS?!?!?!?! stories have been focused on them. Of course, the Cubs have to deal with curse stories. BASEBALL GODS!!! WHY HAVE YOU FORESAKEN US??? WE DID NOT THROW COLONEL SANDERS IN THE RIVER!!! IT WAS THE JAPS!!! CURSE THEM!!! ALL LOOK SAME!!!!

ED: Aww, come on, Cubs fans. All is not lost. This is still a terrible division. And the interleague games are against the AL Central this year so…yeah. I mean, the starting staff (barring complete injury collapse) and the middle of the order are enough to get them another NL Central crown. If you can live with another October collapse, 2009 ain't gonna be such a bad thing. Remember, an October collapse is still infinitely better than a September collapse - right, Mets fans?

PR: I don’t know what I would enjoy more. The Mets collapsing again or them losing to the Cubs in the NLDS. I mean there is a lot of Yankee vibe with the Cubs that would so torment a Met fan. IT’S ALL A-ROD’S FAULT!!! IF THE YANKS HADN’T TRADED SORIANO FOR HIM, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER BEGUN HIS JOURNEY TO CHICAGO!!! HE IS THE REASON WE DIDN’T WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!! IF ONLY BASEBALL HAD A SALARY CAP!!!

CHICAGO CUBS

2008 RECORD:
97-64 (Lost in NLDS to the Dodgers)

2009 BP PROJECTED RECORD:
95-67

PROJECTED LINEUP:

C - Geovany Soto

1B - Derrek Lee

2B - Aaron Miles

3B - Aramis Ramirez

SS - Ryan Theriot

LF - Alfonso Soriano

CF - Kosuke Fukodome/ Reed Johnson

RF - Milton Bradley

SP - Carlos Zambrano

SP - Ted Lilly

SP - Ryan Dempster

SP - Rich Harden

SP - Sean Marshall

CL - Kevin Gregg/Carlos Marmol

Stay Classy Chicago!

ED: So this is the first year of me doing these previews where I can't try to appease Brewers fans with the hopes of a better tomorrow thanks to the farm system. Offensively, the Brewers still have all the offensive pieces. But someone has to pitch…and when your presumptive "ace" is Jeff Suppan…yeah.

PR: This is the year Brewers fans are going to need a hug.

ED: Actually, Suppan being listed as the #1 guy is peculiar - both Parra and Gallardo (and possibly Bush…and very likely Carlos Villanueva) are infinitely better than Suppan, they just lack his VETERANNESS!!!… and awful contract. Had they been able to hold on to Sabathia and Ben Sheets things obviously would be different. But they are gone, and in their stead the Brewers have to hold their breath two out of every five days with Suppan and either McClung or Looper and that's…that's not good.

PR: Well Villanueva is now the de facto closer since – Shocker! – Trevor Hoffman is broken. Of course, the best part about that was how much Ken Macha bad-mouthed Villanueva during Spring Training. Poor poor fragile psyche. And Ben Sheets STILL isn’t signed by anyone. At this point, assuming his arm can rotate around, the Brew Crew should just bring him on back for a one year deal.

ED: Of course, the Brewers wouldn't have these problems if their minor league system could actually develop a pitcher. It appears that Parra, Gallardo and Carlos Villanueva showing promise in the Bigs is accidental, given that the Brewers have actually drafted and signed pitchers decently, it's just that the minor league system seems to eat up their pitchers like Prince Fielder gobbles up veggie burgers at post game spread. Of course, young pitching is always a crap shoot - sometimes you get the '08 Rays, sometimes you are the Brewers.

PR: Aww… see they had C.C. Sabathia for that brief, shining moment which kinda led to this quandary. Was the cameo in the playoffs really worth trading two of (in theory) your top pitching prospects (AND your top prospect)? Of course, if management actually thought they would be able to resign Sabathia in the offseason… well that is a large organizational problem that needs to be addressed.

ED: If the Brewers had any guts whatsoever, they'd dispatch McClung and Looper to the pen where they could be somewhat useful and allow Villanueva to take the five spot in the rotation. Of course, that means you are actually going to depend on the toast-like Trevor Hoffman to be your PVC!!! even though it clearly appears that Hoffman has absolutely nothing left and he is going to spend his first ever year pitching in a hitters park. And that also would mean that 3/5^th of your rotation is decidedly non-pasty. And if there's one thing I know about the Midwest, is that NO ONE is going to go with a rotation that is not at least 3/5ths Caucasian.

PR: Is that to say that they handle the cold better? Have we gotten Dusty’s input?

ED: Did I mention that Trevor Hoffman is toast? Oh, he is. But does anyone think he can do any worse than Eric Gagne last year? Even so, the Brewers could/should just slot in Jeremy Jeffress into the closer role and actually do much better.

PR: You know that somehow they will talk Todd Jones out of retirement. I figure that Jones’ shtick might play well in Milwaukee. I am sure John Rocker would also love another shot at the big time.

ED: I love the baseball previews written by the mark mags. Oh, the smart fans rely on the Prospectus' of the world for true insight, but the smart publications all live in a fantasy world. The mark mags are steeped in a reality where the Dusty Bakers of the world are considered for managerial gigs and get their information from scouts who have no time for spreadsheets. The smart publications might look into the economic foolery of giving Milton Bradley a lot of money given his fragility, not factoring in CLUBHOUSE CHEMISTRY!!!, but the mark mags know what it's all about - they know what you'll hear on sports talk radio and really…is there any better barometer of real fans than sports talk radio? So when even the mark mags point out that the Brewers cannot field…you know this is a sad fielding team. But so are the Cubs. Shoot, there isn't a team in this division that gives a crap about fielding the ball. So what's the big deal? Oh sure, if you're trying to compete in a division with the saber smart teams, you as a Brewers GM might look to shore up the D, but there's no great pressing need. I mean, had you cared something about D, you'd have went ahead and traded Mike Cameron in the offseason, moved Bill Hall back to CF (where his '08 range factor was actually better than Cameron's '09 range factor), moved JJ Hardy to 3^rd and called up Alicides Escobar to handle SS no matter that Escobar cannot hit. But these are the Brewers, it's easier just to call for a salary cap when you lose Sabathia, than to think a little outside the box.

PR: You would thing that they were still owned by the Seligs. Of course, somehow since the Brewers have been above .500 the last two years, that has absolved Doug Melvin from any wrongs he might have committed. “WE FIRED OUR MANAGER IN SEPTEMBER BUT STILL MADE THE PLAYOFFS!!!! EAT IT BITCHES!!!!”

ED: If I'm going to be nice to Brewers fans, this would be the point where I would point out that CUTTER DYKSTRA!!! is on track to possibly become the Brewer CFer come 2011-2012. NAILS JR!!! Actually, I am just trotting that out there so Phil can dream book a Cutter Dykstra-Tony Gwynn Jr feud.

PR: Clearly there would be some LEGIT HEAT IN THE BACK~! God, I would pay good money for Lenny to come out, call Tony Sr. a “spear chucker” and then Tony start rolling after him like he was an Atlasphere.

ED: I still love this offense, even if the Brewers were to move Cameron in spring training and allow Escobar to hit his weight at SS - which they won't do know given that Bill Hall entered training camp already injured. And God knows if there was a manager to hire who is comfortable with a slow-footed slugging team, Ken Macha was your man. I will even go out on a limb and say that the Brewers are going to score more runs than the Cubs this year…there's just the little matter of the Brewers not stopping anyone from scoring.

PR: Speaking of comical Doug Melvin decisions – the picking up of Mike Cameron’s $10 million contract. Of course, their bitterness over the Yanks taking Sabathia probably lead to their stubbornness is not being able to move Cameron. Mind you – putting Melky Cabrera in center isn’t exactly like “WHOO-HOO!!! Problem solved!!!” But if CC was seriously considering coming back to the Brewers, maybe the shuffling of positions that Ed suggested and giving that extra 10 million to Sabathia would have helped.

ED: The only reason the Brewers won the wild card last season was because the D-Backs expectedly fell back to earth and the Mets were the Mets. (Well, the Sabathia pick up also had more than a little something to do with the Brewers taking the wild card too.) The D-Backs won't fall apart again, the Mets are still the Mets and the Brewers aren't going to have enough pitching to take the wild card again. As they are now, the Brewers can still be competitive in the NL Central and if the Cubs starting staff falls apart they could win the division by default. And with a good bit of Rays-like luck with young starting pitching the Brewers could run away and hide with this division…depending on that though is a fools bet.

PR: Yeah, there are enough bad teams in both this division and the rest of the National League to help Milwaukee maintain a decent record. It’s just highly doubtful that out of a pool that would include the Phillies, Mets, Braves, Dodgers, Diamondbacks, Cubs and whichever other Central team decides to rise from the dead this year, the Brewers would grab a playoff spot. At least beer hasn’t been banned at their games. Poor poor Toronto.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS

2008 RECORD:
90-72 (Won NL WC, Lost in NLDS to the Phillies)

2009 BP PROJECTED RECORD:
83-79

PROJECTED LINEUP:

C - Jason Kendall

1B - Prince Fielder

2B - Rickie Weeks

3B - Bill Hall

SS - JJ Hardy

LF - Ryan Braun

CF - Mike Cameron

RF - Corey Hart

SP - Jeff Suppan

SP - Manny Parra

SP - Dave Bush

SP - Yovani Gallardo

SP - Seth McClung/Braden Looper

CL - Trevor Hoffman/Carlos Villanueva

We Must Protect This House?

Yeah... well.. umm.. I got nothing

ED: ALL IS LOST!!! BRAD AUSMUS HAS MOVED ON TO LOS ANGELES!!! See, this is where Phil and I are just writing to make ourselves happy. Because one of the greatest things we saw all offseason was the article where the Houston writer was trolling people into believing that Brad Ausmus was like the greatest Astro ever. It was Jim Bowden on a Segway amazing. For that alone, we cannot hate the Astros.

PR: I really loathe April’s Fools jokes – 99% of them are stupid and unfunny. (Except HORIZONTAL YARDS~!) That is why there was beauty in this piece. I mean it is a joyous piece of working the rubes. And since it was just dropped in the middle of February is what made it great. Don’t wait till the day that everyone expects it. Just roll it on out and giggle.

ED (4:21:47 PM): oh god this is fucking great
ED (4:21:53 PM): http://blogs.chron.com/sportsjustice/archives/2009/01/what_i_remember.html
ED (4:22:02 PM): They’ve never quite had one as valuable to the franchise as Brad Ausmus. This guy was all about winning.
You can look it up. The Astros had their best years when he was the man wearing the tools of ignorance
PR (4:22:08 PM): this is going to make me sad isnt it
ED (4:22:18 PM): Some of you will quibble about his indvidual stats. All you’re doing is showing how little you know about baseball.
If you understand winning, you understand how critical the things Ausmus brought to the table were.
ED (4:22:35 PM): This guy was all about the bottom line. The Los Angeles Dodgers showed again why they’re the National League’s smartest franchise.
The Dodgers appear to be on the cusp of doing something special, and now they’ve added Brad Ausmus.
I guess there’ll still be a season, but there doesn’t seem to be much point. The Dodgers will be in the playoffs, probably the World Series.
ED (4:22:49 PM): god, we could not come up with anything better than that
PR (4:23:44 PM): God - I can not tell you how fucking happy I get when old timey reporters go FUCK YOU AND YOUR STATS
ED (4:23:56 PM): hehehehe
ED (4:24:05 PM): this truly is the greatest fucking article ever
PR (4:24:54 PM): yeah its great because clearly his thinking is
PR (4:25:00 PM): "The Astros had winning teams"
PR (4:25:11 PM): "Brad Ausmus was a member of the Astros"
PR (4:25:26 PM): The Astros won because Brad Ausmus was on the team
ED (4:25:40 PM): lalalalala Biggio and Bagwell and Oswalt lalalalalala
ED (4:25:48 PM): not listening
ED (4:26:08 PM): OK
PR (4:26:09 PM): Oh God - it gets better in the comments section
PR (4:26:16 PM): because he starts answering the comments
ED (4:26:19 PM): Fish In A Barrell, Part 2
ED (4:26:20 PM): As for newcomer Willy Taveras, his role is defined.
“His role is he’s our center fielder and our leadoff man,” Baker said. “The fact that he’s so young - he’s going to get better. A lot of people talk about his on-base percentage. I like to think in terms of him getting into scoring position.”
PR (4:26:47 PM): HA!!!!!
PR (4:27:00 PM): Oh My God - you have to scroll to the comment about the Hall of Fame
ED (4:27:08 PM): oh no
ED (4:27:20 PM): ok
ED (4:27:22 PM): where
PR (4:27:31 PM): [He's not getting into the Hall of Fame. I was ready to lead his campaign until he was rude to me during the 2005 playoffs. Peter Gammons and Jayson Stark walked in the room, and it was like I disappeared. I may forgive, but I won't forget.--Richard]
ED (4:27:47 PM): Ausmus?????
PR (4:28:10 PM): I will admit
PR (4:28:19 PM): I am not sure if he is working an elaborate gimmick or not now
ED (4:28:26 PM): yeah
ED (4:28:34 PM): this may be Ganc at work or something
PR (4:28:54 PM): Yeah - because the comments he is leaving read more and more sarcastic as they go
PR (4:29:55 PM): oh looky here - [Shane is more valuable. Michael Lewis of Moneyball fame is working on a profile of Shane for the NY Times Magazine. I think he's going to refer to him as ''the most underrated player in the NBA.''--Richard]
PR (4:31:19 PM): Yeah - I mean Richard Justice has been goofy before but I am now convinced that he is working the rubes
PR (4:31:31 PM): of course - even better are the ones who are defending Ausmus in the comments
ED (4:31:48 PM): yeah
ED (4:31:54 PM): that is pure fucking gold
PR (4:32:30 PM): But I so want that "He was rude to me" comment to be based in true

ED: Well, actually, I can never hate the Astros as long as they still have Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt. Sadly, Oswalt, Berkman and Hunter Pence are the only things here to get excited about. (Sadly, had the '08 preview ever happened and Bill and my Hunter Pence c-block joke ever seen the light of day, an excited joke about Hunter Pence would have been a great little thing to put here. As is, never mind.)

PR: Thank God I save everything

ED: Since the ill-fated last gasp to get Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell a World Series ring in '05, the Astros have gone with the super cheap route in player development and the overpayment route with free agents and has-beens. The farm system is the worst in the bigs, and the Astros have huge, un-moveable contracts on veteran mediocrities like Tejada and Carlos Lee. It's as if they've uncovered the Peter Angelos playbook without seeing how that's worked out for the Orioles over the past decade. (This last line is just me throwing up a softball for Phil…you may want to move along while Phil taunts his Oriole-fan friends.)

PR: I think Ed is trying to get me to say that Brian Roberts will end up in Houston. We already covered how stupid the Birds were for not getting Ervin Santana over in the AL West. That partly takes the fun away. The symbolic passing of the Tejada torch was cute though. But hey, maybe the Astros have a FIVE YEAR PLAN!!! to.

ED: The best thing the Astros could do is destroy this team and start all over. But the only players they could move for anything for at this point would be Berkman and Oswalt (Pence too, but he is too young and cheap to get rid of at this point) and if that happens the Astros piece next year would be even shorter than the Pirates piece but without the joy of me being able to use a picture of Pirata Morgan. Super Astro though…hmm.

PR: OOOOOHHHH!!!! I am sure we could find a picture of the dog from the Jetsons too!!!

ED: Obviously, the only thing that would make the world happier than Bill making another penis joke on the main page of ESPN is the Astros ridding themselves of Miguel Tejada. And considering that Tejada is in trouble with the Feds for lying to them in the roids investigation (not to mention that Tejada has been named as a known roider), there are two chances of moving Miggy…and slim left town. So, while the Astros COULD still have had a no-hitting plus-defender as SS in Adam Everett, they are now stuck with a plodding SS who can hit but not at his established (chemically-enhanced) levels and can't field the position anymore. Of course, a little creativity (and money) could solve that issue in moving Tejada to 3B and signing Orlando Cabrera. In which case, you then have to face the wrath of moving Tejada against his wishes…and god knows, no one would dare want to anger the king of B-12 shots. Of course, considering you can't trade him, what do you really care if you anger him? Whatever.

PR: Well if we are continuing the whole “the Astros are the Orioles” motif then if Houston trades Tejada is has to be for a guy who can’t hit lefties, a guy with a broken collarbone, TWO guys with torn labrums and a throw away minor leaguer. By the way, since Cabrera was off the table, Houston went out and signed Jason Smith. Yup, 31-year-old journeymen infielders are so very Baltimoreish.

ED: And then there's Carlos Lee, who you've overpaid to get and you need like President Obama needs favorable public opinion. In a world where Frank Thomas can't find a DH gig and Ken Griffey Jr and Garrett Anderson struggled to find jobs, there is no chance whatsoever you can unload his lead glove and 16 ton contract on an AL team…thanks to Bill Bavasi finally getting fired in Seattle. The only hope is that Omar Minaya quits thinking Carlos Lee is Chinese and you can unload him on the Mets at the trade deadline. Sure, the Mets have no prospects to give up other than Fernando Martinez and Carlos Lee is still 5 years too young to be considered for a Mets OF gig, but this is Omar Minaya we're talking about. There is hope here, Astros fans.

PR: The Hope and Change evaporated the moment the Tigers released Gary Sheffield since he was too good for the Mets to pass up. Of course, the Stros do have Darin Erstad as their fourth outfielder. Yeah… that was tough to type without giggling. Mind you, any Astro fan who still follows this team probably thinks that Charley Casserly ruined this team too.

ED: And the thing that saddens me most is this - the Astros WILL trade Oswalt to the Braves. And this will happen. And Oswalt will get crippled. And the Astros will get Braves "pitching prospects" in return. Which, in the end, means that nothing will come about that move whatsoever. Stupid life.

PR: As long as there aren’t any of those pesky steroid users on the Braves. Because you know – Roy Oswalt hates them all… except when they anchor the pitching and carry him to a World Series appearance.

ED: Otherwise the only hope here is to blow this team up. Sure, we could spend some time mocking the Astros for the Mike Hampton signing and making a joke about the quality of the Houston area schools. But this team is depressing enough and I have the Reds and Cards to do yet. And the prospect of Lance Berkman getting traded to like the Red Sox for one of their supposed "pitching prospects" saddens me enough to pray for the pox of a Brad Ausmus return on this organization. Stupid Midwest.

PR: God – I so forgot about Mike Hampton on this team until just now. Of course, Colorado and Atlanta would really like to forget about him too. It really shows you what being able to throw lefty can do for the length of one’s career. Stupid unjust world.

HOUSTON ASTROS

2008 RECORD:
86-75

2009 BP PROJECTED RECORD:
70-92

PROJECTED LINEUP:

C - Humberto Quintero

1B - Lance Berkman

2B - Kaz Matsui

3B - Geoff Blum

SS - Miguel Tejada

LF - Carlos Lee

CF - Michael Bourn

RF - Hunter Pence

SP - Roy Oswalt

SP - Mike Hampton

SP - Wandy Rodriguez

SP - Brandon Backe

SP - Brian Moehler

CL - Jose Valverde

LOST '08 PREVIEW OBSERVATION

ED: All right, maybe this is my favorite Astros spring training story so far – Hunter Pence cut up his hands and knees after crashing through a glass sliding door while attempting to get to a hot tub. All I’m saying is that if you crash through a glass sliding door to get to a hot tub, you are, most assuredly, just about ready to score. HUNTER PENCE GOT C-BLOCKED BY A GLASS SLIDING DOOR!!! See, this is where some VETERAN GUIDANCE!!! pays off. You never heard of Bagwell getting C-Blocked by a glass sliding door.

BILL: awww...you need to work Bagwell's wife in somehow

ED: well, she is a piece

ED: but, I think Bagwell can still kick my butt

ED: plus, I think she's way out of my league and would have nothing to do with me

ED: but thanks for thinking so highly of me

BILL: well i try to pump you up

ED: you are a team player

ED: and all of that is going straight into the Stros piece since...well...god

BILL: well yeah

BILL: any time you can get me in is easy money

ED: right, but I won't reference you

ED: anytime I steal something from you, I will just give you the name of some sell out

ED: in this case, you will be Adam Ant

BILL: awwww

ED: what? would you rather be Siouxsie?

BILL: at least i am not jefferson airplane

BILL: or john lydon

ED: I did think of calling you Everlast for a second

BILL: aw man

BILL: that would make me very angry

ED: hehehehehe

ED: JUMP AROUND!

ED: oh wait, I'm not to the Reds yet

ED: Honestly, Bill thinking I could score with Bagwell’s ex is as good as this piece can get. Let’s move on.

ED: Stop me if you've heard this before but…Troy Glaus is hurt. Shocking, I know. So the Cards are talking about giving 3B gig to prospect Brett Wallace. This would ordinarily be where I would mock Tony LaRussa for not giving "prospects" playing time but he let an entire OF of prospects take over last year. So, who am I to mock him now?

PR: Well he is still playing the prospects… he is just playing three different ones at third. And the best is none of them are Brett Wallace. Poor poor Ed. This will teach him to be proactive. But yeah – Brian Barden, Joe Thurston and David Freese are the worst WAR hot corner trios ever. (And I am not even counting Brendan Ryan who LaRussa wants to play there too.) I guess it would be too much to think that LaRussa would hand the job to someone basically coming straight out of the draft.

ED: Also on the prospect front, the Cards are supposedly giving the 2B spot to Brian Barden after releasing Adam Kennedy right before the start of spring training. If you believe the INSIDERS!!! this was a move of LaRussa pique to throw it up the nose of the front office just to show who was in charge as LaGenius did not like Adam Kennedy. And the mere fact that there was some sort of a debate over the rotting corpse of Adam Kennedy is amusing. Who exactly DID LIKE the way Kennedy played last season? Shoot, who has liked the way Adam Kennedy played since 2002? I thought the Kennedy signing was a Jocketty move, not the new regime and besides…LaRussa having a pissing contest over Adam Friggin' Kennedy may be the most amusing thing ever. I mean, if you're going to have a pissing contest go out on a friggin' limb and pick…I dunno…Albert Pujols for likely being chemically enhanced and very likely close to 40 years old. Throwing your weight around about Adam Kennedy is hardly something you are going to upset a front office about…unless you are siding with wanting to play Adam Kennedy more.

PR: Aww… maybe the Cards as goofy as the Reds are. As mentioned above, Barden is with the big club, just over at third. Second base is being split between Skip Schumaker and Brendan Ryan. One would guess that Ryan will so more of the time there with Schumaker being thrust into the role of “YOU PLAY HERE! AND DON’T QUESTION ME! I HAD A BOOK WRITTEN ABOUT ME!” And Kennedy ended up with the Rays, which is kinda great since it so messes up the YOUTH! mantra the media loved shouting.

ED: And further speaking of Cardinals prospects, there is also the matter of Colby Rasmus. The Cards (wisely, actually) took the initiative to scrap their entire OF and go with kids. And it surprisingly worked out OK. Oh, trust me, I am sure there were moments where Tony LaRussa wandered the halls of new Bush Stadium calling Dave Henderson's agent, but LaRussa went with the kids last year hell or high water and things went just fine. But Rasmus is the new hotness in Cardinal OF prospects and though he looks to start '09 in AAA, the Cards are going to have to find room for him in the bigs. Which means there's going to have to be some shuffling and/or trades. There is talk of trying Skip Schumaker at 2B in spring training, moving Ankiel to RF, attempting to give Rasmus the CF gig and letting whatever happens happen at LF. THIS will be the true test of who is in charge in St. Louis - LaRussa or the new, stat-happy front office.

PR: I do like that Ed is calling Ankiel a “Kid”. I mean he is going to be 30 in July. Unless of course Ed is doing the thing my old college editor used to do – which was call everyone “Kid” because he couldn’t remember their name.

ED: And in all actuality, the Cards really did a good job with the pool of OF prospects last year. Ankiel looks like maybe he could be something useful as a hitter, Skip Schumaker had a freakishly fluky offensive year that I cannot see him repeating and Ryan Ludwick looks like the real deal. If you go by projections alone and you give Rasmus a major league job this year (which does not seem entirely likely given that Rasmus and his dad has angered the Cards with comments this offseason about having a bad coaching staff), then you pretty much have to make Skip Schumaker the odd man out. IF Schumaker can handle the 2B gig though, this…this is not a bad situation in St. Louis at all. If they could only get rid of LaRussa I might not hate the Cardinals anymore.

PR: For fantasy purpose, the Cards could be the most frustrating team ever. Like New England Patriots running back frustrating. Of course, at least everyone is going to end up with multiple position eligibility. Oh and Colby Rasmus is the real deal and is going to be starting all over the outfield. Aww… the mark mags sure liked working Ed over in February.

ED: I honestly do not know if Albert Pujols is chemically enhanced or not. Nor do I have enough money to fight off a slander/libel suit (please don't sue me, Albert). I am just saying that if there is anyone laughing more at ARod being the center of the steroid storm this offseason than Albert Pujols, that person can only be Barry Bonds.

PR: The idea that Albert Pujols reads this site is both tremendous and frightening.

ED: Kahlil Greene to the Cards? I did not check with Bill. But I am assuming this might be an all time high on the team finder scale.

PR: Yeah… I am sure Bill retired that. I mean there are only so many “Latino to Mets” jokes you can make.

ED: So we can now pretty much put it in stone now that Dave Duncan, like Leo Mazzone, is a master pitching coach when it comes to rehabbing veteran mediocrities and getting more out of old garbage than any other pitching coach in all of baseball. Just don't give them young talent and you're fine, I guess.

ED: Someone's gotta pitch for this team and while none of the options are pretty, the Cards and Duncan always seem to get decent performances out of their VETERAN VETERANNESS!!! Kyle Lohse was never a terrible pitcher, stuff-wise, he could just never seem to get it all together over the course of an entire season. Ditto Joel Piniero. Whatever Duncan does, he does only with oldsters apparently (aside from Wainwright, who is not entirely a youngster anymore but definitely not a scrap heap reclamation as most other Card warm bodies) as both Lohse and Piniero were solid enough to keep the Cards in the race all season. And I guess that is fine enough considering the Cards seldom develop their own pitchers anymore and spend little money on them. I may not like the looks of their collected crud, but I realize they vets will all be just enough above league average to keep the Cards in the race and if one of them goes down, in will come a Kris Benson or an Adam Eaton or any other sort of Caucasian VETERAN!!! they can pull off the retread pile. Hey, they've gotta pay a ton of money to keep Pujols in town so I guess…well…whatever works.

PR: Adam Wainwright, Kyle Lohse, Todd Wellemeyer, Chris Carpenter and Joel Pineiro. Yeah – that rotation is very very white. They are also very very fragile. I don’t know what the St. Louis record is for most starters used in a year is but 2009 could end up being the new standard. P.J. Walters and Mitchell Boggs appear to be the first two in line to get their chance when others start dropping. And if anything else, they kind have a neat ambulance-chasing law firm name.

ED: With Jason Isringhausen gone and apparently gone for good, the Cards pen is as good a guess as any. There is talk of moving Carpenter into the pen - possibly as a closer. But I have no stinking clue. Nor do I really care. The Cards were mostly making noise about going with the youngsters as the closers and…well, that may be more than even Tony LaRussa can take. My guess is they re-sign Izzy by the All Star break. All I can hope is by that time the Cards are already dead in buried in the NL Central. Stupid LaRussa.

PR: Isringhausen is another one who signed a minor league deal with the Rays. Yeah, I have no idea what is up with that. He will be starting the season on the 15 day DL which he could have easily have done with the Cards. Still 36 is still 36 and a dead arm is still a dead arm. St. Louis appears to be going with Jason Motte as their closer so I am sure that will end in tears. (Joy or sadness depending on your feelings for said team.)

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS

2008 RECORD:
86-76

2009 BP PROJECTED RECORD:
82-80

PROJECTED LINEUP:

C - Yadier Molina

1B - Albert Pujols

2B - ~~Brian Barden~~ Skip Schumaker/
Brendan Ryan

3B - ~~Brett Wallace~~ Brian Barden/
Joe Thurston/David Freese

SS - Kahlil Greene

LF - Rick Ankiel

CF - Colby Rasmus

RF - Ryan Ludwick

SP - Adam Wainwright

SP - Kyle Lohse

SP - Todd Wellemeyer

SP - Joel Pineiro

SP - Chris Carpenter

CL - Jason Motte

ED: The Reds have been talking this offseason of starting anew with an athletic team built around fast players who can flash the leather. Which, of course, is just a positive way of spinning that the Reds have no pop anymore. Ridding themselves of Griffey Jr and Adam Dunn at the trade deadline last year killed off the last vestiges of the Reds' reliance on the three run homer that came about once the Reds moved to their BRAND NEW BALLPARK!!! And while this will make the Brennemans very happy, the fact of the matter was not that the Reds failed because they relied too much on the power game, the Reds failed because they could not pitch. (Well, OK, Griffey Jr and Dunn could not field either but that was also a matter of both being stubbornly stuck at positions they could not play.)

PR: I so read that as “the Reds have no poop anymore” and I was like “Well I clearly beg to differ.” Then I thought “Well, maybe Ed is trying to say that the Reds are constipated” which of course led me to wonder what sort of gimmick Mr. Agner was going to roll out for the team. (In addition to the idea that he might have made it so I didn’t have to comment on two Central teams and then I would have had to immediately have bought the Hamada UWF set and sent it to him.) Much to my chagrin, it actually says “pop”.

ED: So the Reds shuffled things around and, in their TEAM SPEED INITIATIVE, they signed Willy Tavares to a two-year deal. Because, you know, Willy Tavares is fast and stuff. And he is fast. They got that right. But of course he cannot hit and despite his speed is not really any sort of plus defender in CF. So upon signing Tavares the Reds admitted he cannot really hit…but that he is REALLY REALLY FAST!!! and intend on making him their leadoff hitter because he can steal bases…when he occasionally gets on base. Now I liked me some Gary Pettis back in the day, but even Gary Pettis would admit that he could not hit so he made up for it by playing really good defense and…as such…had some value. If the Reds are looking at Tavares as Gary Pettis v. 2.0, they really should have looked at his defensive ability. Because…well…stealing 40 bases is one thing…but stealing 40 bases when you only get on base 40 times in 600+ AB's is another matter entirely. And when you can't back that up with the leather…well…yeah…Joey Votto and Jay Bruce sure ain't gonna lead the league in RBI.

PR: My favorite Willy Taveras story from the offseason was that he announced he was going to steal 100 bases. And to go along with that he was all “Well clearly I will have an OBP of .350 to help me get to my goal.” .350! KEEP REACHING FOR THE STARS WILLY!!! Of course, Taveras could just be giddy about the fact that he doesn’t have to go back and run up and down that damn hill in Houston or play in the state of Colorado.

ED: Right before spring training, the Reds signed Jacques Jones and Darryle Ward. Which, while completely unnecessary moves, were absolutely perfect given that both are VETERANS WHO CAN STAND THE HEAT. Now, while Walt Jocketty has shown no special affinity for singing those WHO CAN STAND THE HEAT!!! (at least while a GM of Tony LaRussa teams…and that may be a result of the MULLETED ONE) , he loves him some VETERANS. And Lord knows Dusty Baker loves him some VETERANS WHO CAN HANDLE THE HEAT!!! I am assuming Dusty handed Jocketty a list of names to sing and while looking over the list, Jocketty likely knew both were names that possessed great VETERANNESS!!! he might not have known of their ability to HANDLE THE HEAT!!! I mean, what kind of guys WHO CAN HANDLE THE HEAT!!! are named Jacques and Darryle? And while Jocketty read the names and thought…well, very white…Dusty had a chuckle and thought - how can I send that Bruce back to AAA and keep from playing that Dickerson dude?

PR: Despite the fact that neither of these guys ended up on the Reds 40-man roster does not mean it made me laugh any less. And if it wasn’t for their amazing history together, you so know Dusty would have been trying to get Corey Patterson on the squad. “Come on Walt! (insert giggling) His name is Corey! (insert more giggling) He is practically the sixth member of the Backstreet Boys. (snort because you can’t control your laughter anymore. Claim it was a sneeze)”

ED: Well, you know, the first time Dusty saw them both at the start of Spring he said “YOU PUT VANILLA IN MY CHOCOLATE!!! YOU PUT CHOCOLATE IN MY VANILLA!!!”

ED: Conversely, the Reds also signed Jonny Gomes. And I am sure the name confused Dusty into believing he was one WHO COULD HANDLE THE HEAT!!! So…yeah…I am going to miss Dusty once the Reds wise up and fire him.

PR: Well Dusty wised up and released Gomes at the end of Spring Training. And yes, the fact that Gomes has already had one heart attack, while about a billion other guys we could think of, haven’t, is mind boggling.

ED: Poor roid abuser. HE WILL NOW BE HOME TO STRANGLE HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN!!! GODDAMN YOU DUSTY!!!

ED: OK, keeping Chris Dickerson in AAA probably will not be a huge feat considering he has no clue how to get on base, despite a nice showing once called up after the Griffey trade. But come on, Chris Dickerson is a cousin of Eric Dickerson and has TOOLZ!!! If there ever is a man destined to become a Washington National at this point, it is Chris Dickerson. I am sure Jocketty already has MC Bowdez on the phone trying to trade Dickerson for Ryan Zimmerman straight up…MAYBE with Edwin Encarnacion thrown in just to make things equal.

PR: HA! I knew Ed had a lot of dated material in the Central but the unsuspected Bowden one is number one and the best. And here I was just ready to make a “maybe Dickerson can get tips on how to get on base from Willy Taveras” jokes and move on.

ED: Speaking of Edwin Encarnacion, he has become public enemy #1 in Cincinnati (meaning that he is slammed by La Familia Brenneman at every possible chance) because of inconsistency and errors. To be honest, Edwin is brutal in the field, and it appears his defense is regressing - which for someone who is supposedly only 26, should not be happening, telling you that either Encarnacion has been hiding some injuries; is older than he actually claims; or has completely quit listening to Reds coaching. Or a combination of all three. There has been some talk of moving Encarnacion to LF to hide his glove or trading him outright. The problem there is the Reds have absolutely no immediate alternatives internally at 3B. A change of scenery would do the Reds and Encarnarcion a lot of good, but giving up on a 26 year old is a risky proposition. Now if the Reds still have Charlie Hayes' number THAT would be an ideal fit for Dusty.

PR: Aww… normal society wouldn’t mind waiting out a year and then choosing from say Todd Frazier or Neftali Soto but these are the YES WE CAN! Reds. Assuming Aaron Boone didn’t die on the operating table – he might be getting a call come August.

ED: The merry-go-round at SS last year was both sad and predictable and nothing appears to have changed there whatsoever. The Reds still want Alex (the less sucky one) Gonzalez to man short but at this point expecting him to play 100+ games is…well, the Reds are also depending on Dusty Baker to right this ship. It's the same sort of fools bet. When/if Gonzalez goes down, god knows what the Reds will do but my guess is the Reds fans would prefer the return of Dave Concepcion.

PR: Oh God – Concepcion returning in some sort of attempt to improve his Hall of Fame candidacy Mr. 3000 style would be unbelievable. The Reds could even play it off that they were honoring Bernie Mac. Of course, Joe Morgan would storm down from the booth to man second because “These damn kids don’t appreciate you Dave. ONLY I CAN CARRY YOU TO THE HALL!!!! FOLLOW ME! FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM!!!”

ED: Aww… like the Reds would honor Bernie Mac.

ED: I still love Jay Bruce and Joey Votto and the fact that Dusty was not keen on using Votto right away at 1B over the corpse of NO HOLES HATTEBERG!!! and sent Bruce down to start the season at AAA should have gotten Dusty fired before the Reds left Florida. Add in Brandon Phillips and the occasional contribution of Encarnacion and the Reds can stlll score some runs - especially in that bandbox. Of course, a lot depends on who and how Dusty uses on a day-to-day basis and…well…never bet on Dusty to do the right thing.

PR: You mean THE MAN WHO WAS ROBBED OF THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR – JOEY VOTTO!!!! COME ON, GEOVANY SOTO ONLY WON BECAUSE HE WAS A CATCHER!!! DID HE HAVE TO CARRY THE REDS ON HIS BACK?!?!?!?! F SOTO!!! F CATCHERS!!! F THE CUBS!!!

PR: Sadly – I feel like I need to clarify that that paragraph was written in complete sarcasm. And yes – it is strange that the one thing I don’t want pinned on me from this preview is that I thought Votto was the NL Rookie of the Year.

ED: The Reds moving WHITE SCRAP!!! Ryan Freel to Baltimore for Ramon Hernandez was very likely the most shocking news of the offseason. (Now, if the Reds had moved him for, say, Charles Johnson…) No good Midwestern team trades away a SCRAPPY WHITE SCRAPPINESS!!! for nothing. Fortunately, the Reds also signed Laynce Nix to a minor league deal to up the needed WHITE SCRAPPINESS QUOTIENT!!!! Granted, Nix has absolutely nothing in the tank, but that has never stopped the Brenneman's love of WHITE SCRAPPINESS!!! in the past.

PR: Looking at the unsigned free agent list – I could easily see Mark Grudzielanek, Morgan Ensberg and especially Jim Edmonds as a member of this squad.

ED: So the Reds are banking on the kids to pitch them through. Edinson Volquez, traded straight up for HUMAN INTEREST STORY!!! Josh Hamilton, finally seemed to put it all together and had a tremendous first half before petering out over the second half. Johnny Cueto also showed flashes of brilliance over the first half of the season before hitters seemed to figure him out in the second half. Both give up too many walks and hits (though, to be fair, with that defense behind them, hits were gonna happen) and throw far too many pitches to survive for very long with Dusty holding their leashes. (Hi Mark Prior and Kerry Wood!) And Homer Bailey…god knows what the Reds can expect from him. So, in putting their faith in those three (along with Micah Owings, who may be the Reds best bet in LF), the Reds are obviously unconcerned by some very alarming warning signs. And ignoring some obvious warning signs with young pitchers with Dusty Baker as your manager seems…well…yeah.

PR: It’s about this time in the preview where I just want it to end. In a fair world – Ed would have just told us another story about how his mom thinks Homer Bailey is Homer Bush. We would all laugh and that would be that.

ED: Otherwise, the Reds have Bronson Arroyo and Aaron Harang holding down the middle of the rotation and will become very expensive men at the end of the season - meaning, they will become ex-Reds by the trade deadline. Harang reported to camp 25 pounds lighter than last year vowing to revert to form after a poor '08 and Arroyo spent another offseason openly waxing nostalgic for his Boston days spent making booty calls on the Northeastern campus. Both are serviceable enough pitchers with low injury concerns and give you 200+ innings year-in, year-out. The Reds best bet here is hoping both have good first halves so they can be moved for further pitching depth and/or an actual SS or CFer.

PR: Ooof… maybe I should have saved the “Boy – I still find it funny that Bronson Arroyo is the reason all baseball folks hate Adam Dunn” thing over here. Of course – I don’t even remember if I put it in the Nats section. I also mourn for the preview were we stop mocking Harang.

ED: Yeah, the Reds singing Arthur Rhodes to a two-year deal. Wonder how that happened? And how many walls did you think Ray King kicked?

PR: Man – King already got smack talked from the beyond. I don’t think he could live with what might happen to him when he failed in Cincy.

ED: Look on the bright side, Reds fans - the Pirates are right there to keep you out of the basement! Whee!

CINCINNATI REDS

2008 RECORD:
74-88

2009 BP PROJECTED RECORD:
79-83

PROJECTED LINEUP

C - Ramon Hernandez

1B - Joey Votto

2B - Brandon Phillips

3B - Edwin Encarnacion

SS - Alex Gonzalez

LF - God know…Jacques Jones?

CF - Willy Tavares

RF - Jay Bruce

SP - Edinson Volquez

SP - Bronson Arroyo

SP - Aaron Harang

SP - Johnny Cueto

SP - Homer Bailey/Micah Owings

CL - Francisco Cordero

LOST '08 PREVIEW OBSERVATION

ED: See, now most of y'all's thinking...here comes Ed crapping all over Duthty and/or the Reds. But oh no. No, THIS is where I point out the genius of the Baker (or Rhodes, if you are my mom) hiring. See, at first, I kinda scratched my head about the hiring since...well, the Duthty Cubs years were...well...yeah. But then it hit me like atonabricks - you think Duthty DIDN'T know what he was doing in handling the Cub pitchers. But the truth is HE DID KNOW. He purposely scragged the arms of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood KNOWING ALL ALONG HE WOULD BECOME THE REDS MANAGER!!! SWERVE!!!! Duthty was 5 years ahead of all of you and in an effort the help the REDS!!! Duthty worked from within to cripple the Cubs. HE IS FIVE YEARS AHEAD OF YOU!!! (Of course, if he scrags Homer Bailey - or Bush, if you are my mom - then it's proof that all of this is a master move for when Duthty becomes the Pirates manager in 2012.)