ED: So Bill can sport those fashionable glasses around campus and score much coed sex
A’s
PHIL: To make Joe Morgan cry.
ASTROS
PHIL: The Killer Bs. Bill Barnwell. BRILLIANT!
BLUE JAYS
ED: JP is the last geeky GM left! Bill creates a spreadsheet in his honor.
BRAVES:
ED: So Bill can quit paying attention to baseball at the end of the regular season – like a true Braves fan
BREWERS
ED: Hot! Young! Trendy! Sexy! Just like Bill!
CARDINALS
ED: Mmmm, pasty.
CUBS
PHIL: While he will be unable to handle the day time Summer games, Bill already knows how to pronounce Nomar and how to deal with self-indulgent, annoying, championship starved fans already.
DEVIL RAYS
PHIL: Well someone has to root for them.
DIAMONDBACKS
ED: To teach Bill how to run out on loans, a skill needed for the after-college life!
DODGERS
ED: Hot-hot female sports reporters!
GIANTS
ED: Who can deny Omar Vizquel’s sexiness? Who?
INDIANS
ED: All the speed boat driving Bill can handle in spring training!
MARINERS
PHIL: Aww… Willie Bloomquist might have to get a restraining order.
MARLINS
PHIL – Well Joe Girardi has been called “Don Zimmer with Stats” STATS!!! Of course, Don Zimmer with stats probably means that Joe knows how to turn on his computer.
METS
PHIL: With the trend of teams hiring players from our youth to coach. Can Jeff Innis – bullpen coach really be that far off?
NATIONALS
ED: 2 1/2 months of Nick Johnson!
ORIOLES
PHIL: I believe it might be mandatory as the last part of the Albert Belle contract.
PADRES
PHIL: Eventually Sean Burroughs will pan out… eventually.
PHILLIES
ED: What better team to show you the futility of life?
PIRATES
PHIL: KIP WELLS!!!! and…. umm… well they are still on the East Coast.
RANGERS
ED: Like Bill couldn’t play CF for the Rangers…or pitch, for that matter.
REDS
ED: Free pieces of Ken Griffey’s hamstrings at every game!
RED SOX
PHIL: Well, Youkilis is still there… for now…
ROCKIES
ED: After college life will be dominated by ever-changing philosophies – just like the Rockies 5 year plans!
ROYALS
PHIL: The quickest way to meet Rob and Rany or at least possibly get a VP link on their blog.
TIGERS
ED: Stealing smokes with Jim Leyland, busting heads with Lloyd McClendon
TWINS
PHIL: Well, Johan Santana is really really good. Plus, I am sure there has to be Sex Boats and Super Bowl tickets abound. All you need is the right connections.
WHITE SOX
ED: Kenny Williams is the new GM hotness, after all.
YANKEES
PHIL: Okay – let’s not push it. I don’t think Bill is that desperate.
Eventually Bill will acknowledge my presence
I google image searched Brewers and this was there. God has no mercy on any of our souls
Long May You Ride Theo.