THE WEEK THAT WAS
(2/13/06 – 2/19/06)
PR: One of the benefits of starting the WTW is that we won’t have to suffer through another Ed love theme again. Meanwhile, I curse not getting a three day weekend. CURSE YOU LINCOLN!

BB: I am just trying to figure out how this wasn’t sent to me in Garamond. Oh yeah – jokes maybe only I will get.

ED:  Wow!  I don't recall ever going last before.  My mind is blown.

PR: Going last sure didn’t prevent your ancient computer from jacking up the formatting of the Word file.

OLYMPICS
PR: Aww… Bode Miller is a fraud. I guess all the people who Join Bode are also the types who would sign an online petition.

BB: Could they get me a free IPod?

ED:  What's an IPod?  You damn kids and your technology!

PR: Russians are good at figure skating. Americans are good at being whiny.

BB: Canadians are good at not scoring goals. Germans are good at wearing hats with the Belgian flag on them.

ED:  Beware Belgia!  Today you flag!  Tomorrow the world!

PR: The United States and Canada both forget to even be sorta good at hockey. Since it is hockey though, 843 teams make the medal round.

BB: I don’t have anything to add to this but I know Ed won’t say anything so this is just filler. Right there.

ED:  Yeah...welll...Damnit! I hate when Bill is right.

PR: The US women’s team is upset by Sweden in the semifinals. Ray Ferraro needs a moment.

BB: Well Cammi Granato is not busy playing for the US team so he should be fine. Poor poor Northeastern goalie.

PR: A BLACK MAN WON A MEDAL!!! QUICK SOMEONE ALERT THE CHURCH ELDERS!!! WE MUST PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!!

BB: Will he get invited to next year’s BLACK SUPER BOWL!?!?!?! And if the NBA All-Star-Game is the BLACK SUPER BOWL!!!, what are the Black Winter Olympics?

ED:  It all would get approximately the same ratings as NBC's salute to white power, I'd guess...except it would be on the WB.

PR: Italian police raided the Austria's biathlon and cross-country team quarters looking for banned substances. Then banned Austrian ski coach Walter Mayer decided to take a nap in his car and said nap turned into a high speed police chase. Aww… they must break us.

BB: Yeah – I read this and thought I was hallucinating from watching too much 24. I hope they set up a perimeter.

ED:  I read that as Walter Mathau.  I thought he had died.  If not, there's the next greatest movie ever.

PR: I read that as “Next Greatest Generation Movie” and I was like “Walter Mathau fought in World War II?!?!?!?! How did Tom Brokow never tell me this?”

MLB
PR: Pitchers, Catchers and random schmoes looking to suck up reported this week. Aww… sweet sweet baseball.

BB: I wish I had 9000 words about this to make Justin sad.

ED:  Shut it.  We'll need all those words for the baseball preview.

PR: Barry Bonds tells USA Today that he will retire at the end of the season. Barry Bonds then tells mlb.com well not so fast. Meanwhile, Pedro Gomez sits at home crying big crocodile tears wondering how come he didn’t get the scoop and when he stopped being Bonds’ boy.

ED:  And I thought Gomez was Canseco's boy.  What do I know?

PR: Albert Belle arrested and charged with using a GPS system to stalk his ex-girlfriend. Police refuse to confirm that they got the tip from Omar Vizquel.

BB: If Albert Belle tried to plant a tracker on me I know I wouldn’t be able to resist.

ED:  But what if Albert Bell planted Omar Vizquel on you, Bill?  What if?

PR: Ozzie Guillen hates on Alex Rodriguez and Nomar Garciparra. Then he doesn’t. George Steinbrenner hates on Ozzie Guillen and the World Baseball Classic. Bud Selig must be so proud.

ED:  Amazingly, I was flipping through the channels - in between CURLING!!! - and caught game 3 of the 99 WS.  Lo and behold!  I had forgotten St. Ozzie was a Brave!  I just want to get that out there before John Shuerholz puts out his book and is declared a genius.

PR: Josh Hancock was released Saturday by the Cincinnati Reds a day into spring training after the right-hander reported to camp overweight. Crazy new Reds GM Wayne Krivsky easily gives me a gimmick for the baseball preview.

ED:  To which, I asked Phil - A No Fat Chicks sticker on his car?  Phil replied back, that would exclude him from all women in Ohio.  I cry a little each day.

PR: Kevin Brown and Brooks Kieschnick both retired. You should be able to figure out which one upset me more.

BB: I would’ve been more disappointed if it was the ex-Whaler Kevin Brown instead of the pitcher. I wonder how much money Kevin Malone would’ve given HIM. BASEBALL GUYS!!! Ooh – a sitcom – Malone, Garagiola, and LASORDA!!! GIMMICKS!!!!

ED:  Yep.  Now I see the downside to going last.

PR: The guys signed to minor league deals: RHP Scott Erickson (Yankees), RHP Jose Lima (Mets), INF Benji Gil (Royals), INF Scott Spiezio (Cardinals), OF Dee Brown (Royals), RHP Carlos Almanzar (Braves), OF Ruben Mateo (Nationals), OF Quinton McCracken (Reds), and OF TUFFY RHODES!!! (Reds)

BB: I appreciate Omar throwing us bones for the preview. He’s a good man.

ED:  SANDFROG!!!  St. Louis is not a rock town, though.

PR: Trades that were clearly made for the sake of making a trade: Indians traded 1B Andy Tracy to the Orioles for a player to be named. Rockies acquired INF Jamey Carroll from the Washington Nationals in exchange for cash considerations.

ED:  Getting prepared to pay for Nick's next trip to the emergency room?1

NBA
PR: Lebron James won the person to jack up the most shots… err… the MVP award, becoming the youngest person to do so, as the East beat the West in the All-Star game. I would care more but I loathe the NBA and someone apparently threw up all over the uniforms.

ED:  Was this when Simmons called Snoop the Tony LaRussa of rap?  God, I can't wait til the Crips get hold of Screech.

PR: Nate Richardson of the Knicks wins the dunk contest by dunking over Spud Webb. Isiah Thomas immediately gives Webb a max contract.

BB: Oh come on.

PR: Dirk Nowitzki beats Gilbert Arenas and Ray Allen in the comical event that is now the 3-point contest. Craig Hodges weeps.

BB: I am disappointed Steve Kerr didn’t try to challenge Dirk immediately after the contest. Or Dan Patrick. He’s deluded himself into thinking he would’ve been professional.

PR: Oh and there was that Rookie Challenge thingy that the Rookies never actually win.

PR: Stop us if you have heard this before: A member of the Portland Trail Blazers has an incident at an airport. Guard Sebastian Telfair was fined by the time after a loaded gun was found on the team's private jet at Boston's Logan Airport. Telfair blamed it on his girlfriend.

BB: I have blamed lots of things on my girlfriend before but that would be a pretty hard sell.

PR: The Seattle SuperSonics traded Vladimir Radmanovic to the Los Angeles Clippers for Chris Wilcox on Tuesday in a swap of stiffs 6-foot-10 forwards.

NFL
PR: Various reports claim Ricky Williams violated the NFL drug policy… again. This one would earn him a year suspension. Williams’ mom immediately comes to his defense by stating that her boy doesn’t smoke weed and that he clearly failed the test because of yoga.

ED:  He'll look pretty good in a Cowboys uni, tho.

PR: The Unhappy Posse: The Jets ask QB Chad Pennington to take a massive paycut. Pennington says no. Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper demanded to be traded… maybe.

BB: Ty Law isn’t a Jet anymore either.

PR: Police Blotter: Green Bay Packers cornerback Ahmad Carroll was arrested on misdemeanor charges after he argued with a police officer in a Fayetteville bar. Miami Dolphins tackle Damion McIntosh was released from jail Thursday after allegedly pushing his wife to the floor at their home. Former DB Darryll Lewis pleaded no contest to charges in two cases, and was sentenced to 32 months in prison. (Felony counts of evading arrest and possession of methamphetamine, and misdemeanor charges of resisting arrest and taking a vehicle without the owner's consent. Whoops!)

PR: The Houston Texans sign Mike Sherman to be assistant head coach for offense. So Gary Kubiak’s first duty as head coach will be to ignore everything Sherman says.

PR: Bud McFadin, a member of the inaugural 1960 Denver Broncos and a five-time Pro Bowl lineman who spent 11 years in the NFL, died at 77.

PR: Hall of Fame Defensive Lineman Ernie Stautner died at the age of 80.

AFL
FRIDAY GAMES
PR: Austin 56, Dallas 49 – The Wranglers have a guy named Sir Mawn Wilson. This is why Arena rules on a million levels.

PR: Georgia 54, Las Vegas 34 – By far and and way the best thing is that the Gladiators hate the refs and their incompetence. And they are going to prove it to the league by submitting photos. Photos taken via CAMERA PHONE!!!! Someone please tell me that this is in the Arena video game.

SATURDAY GAMES
PR: Nashville 58, Colorado 36 – Aww… WHERE’S YOUR MAGIC NOW ELWAY?

PR: Arizona 45, Utah 38 – Joe Germaine wishes he was half the QB that Sherdrick Bonner is. Oh yeah, I really think I need to talk Ed into the “Guys who should have been in the NFL” piece.

PR: Chicago 65, LA 46 – Aww… the Avengers are stinky this year. Maybe if they had hired Art Shell.

SUNDAY GAMES
PR: Grand Rapids 66, San Jose 52 – Yes, the SaberCats are terrible this year but less than 5000 folks showed up in Michigan. I mean there is a reason Grand Rapids has been through 9493 teams. Poor poor AFL2.

PR: Kansas City 45, Columbus 24 – This is why Arena sucks on a million levels.

PR: Philadelphia 75, New York 59 – Okay, so I was flipping around as the US Hockey team was losing for the second time in as many days, I found buried deep on my sports stations, two AFL games. This one and the Orlando/Tampa Bay game. I watched this one because it was NY despite the fact that I see the Soul and Bon Jovi every week. The lesson yet again. I am a moron.

PR: Orlando 67, Tampa Bay 64 – WAR ON I-4!!! OVERTIME!!! TWO POINT CONVERSIONS WITH NO TIME LEFT!!! JOE HAMILTON!!! And I missed it all. God, I hate myself.

SOCCER
PR: Alan Smith and Francesco Totti each suffer ugly ugly injuries. I joked with Bill that maybe they were trying to get a group rate at the hospital. But then I realized that I was uncertain if Totti would be granted a work permit to be allowed in the hospital doors.

BB: I would correct that but it would ruin Phil’s joke.

PR: As of this writing, Harry Redknapp still the Portsmouth manager. Stay tuned.

BB: If this happens you cannot possibly imagine how happy I will be. Impossible.

PR: Togo canned Stephen Keshi as national team head coach. Not winning a game in the African Nations Cup will do that.

PR: FC Dallas traded Eddie Johnson to KC for a couple of allocations. Poor little future of American soccer.

BB: Eddie then scored against Guatemala on his old ground and tried to stir up the fans. The 18 people that cared were upset.

PR: If you bought Houston 1836 merch you are going to be owning a collectors item soon enough. Poor poor angry Mexicans.

BB: The best part was Rippa forgot the “merch” so this originally read “If you bought Houston 1836 you are going to be owning a collectors item soon enough.” Yeah – Dave Checketts should’ve thought about that. Of course, if this leads to Isiah managing Houston in seven years, it’s worth it.

NCAA
PR: Oklahoma State basketball coach Eddie Sutton was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol Friday after tests showed his blood alcohol level was nearly three times the legal limit following a car crash last week. Of course, he was also told “yeah, you don’t have to coach the team anymore”.

PR: Indiana coach Mike Davis resigns but not until the end of the season. Nope, that’s not going to be too awkward.

BB: This is like when my roomate’s girlfriend broke up with her previous boyfriend with a two week lame duck period inbetween the decision and the breakup. Oh yeah – I’m guessing there was a lot of grudge sex there. Think that’s weird? My roommate got to know the girl when he met her on Myspace, gave her mono while her and her boyfriend were on a “break”, and then became both her and her boyfriend’s friend once they got back together. Which resulted in the boyfriend getting mono. They all hung out together. Big ol’ mess.

ED:  I am not hip.  Is Bill insuinating a threesome?  If so, is Indiana, Bobby Knight and Mike Davis all entangled?  If so, can I die now?

PR: A judge ruled that Ohio State University improperly fired Jim O’Brien. Aww… the Buckeyes can’t even fire someone properly.

PR: Just to make sure that the tournament isn’t marginalized enough, teams will no longer need a .500 record to be invited to the NIT. And all regular season conference champions will also get invites.

BB: Can the Upper Deck team get in? Athletes in Action? I want to see those teams in there.

ED:  No Washington Generals, no peace.

OTHER
PR: Apparently no one is going to face any charges for any sort of NHL betting. Okay Dokey.

ED:  C'mon, who would be dumb enough to bet on the NHL?

PR: Jimmie Johnson wins the Daytona 500 because his crew chief is a cheat. Tony Stewart tries to hit anything that moved. The weather was stinky. This concludes VeteranPresence’s expanded coverage of the Daytona 500.

BB: This would have looked nicer in HD.

ED:  I do have to say that I'm glad Coach Johnson went back to his old 'do.  That Goo Goo Dolls look he was trying was so not him.

PR: John McEnroe wins an ATP doubles title. Tatum O’Neal wonders if she is entitled to half the winnings. I wonder if Bill even knows who Tatum O’Neal is.

BB: I’d like her more if she was married to Patrice O’Neal…

ED:  Sadly, I have no idea who Patrice O'Neal so guess which side of the generation gap, I'm on.