The Week That Was (7/25/05

The Week That Was
7/25/05 – 7/31/05

ED: Ed Agner
PR: Phil Rippa

ED: If ya need MLS All Star tickets. Aww, crap. Too late.

PR: Aww… are you sure Brian McBride’s family didn’t want them?

PR: Oh and no Bill this week. I think Ed and I wish we took the week off.

MLB
ED: Wade Boggs, Ryne Sandberg, Peter Gammons and Jerry Coleman are officially inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. God, I was hoping for a Sandberg-Joe Morgan throwdown.

PR: HOW DARE RYNO SAY ANYTHING MEAN!?!?!?!?!? IT MADE BUD SELIG UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! Or something. Paul O’Neill openly questioning why Peter Gammons made the Hall of Fame during Sunday’s YES broadcast will be the highlight of my week.

ED: Your weekly cripple list includes: Mets P Felix Heredia (now out for the season with an aneurysm…probably something Phil did to him), Red Sox P Matt Mantei (now out for the season with an ankle injury…Schilling questions his guts), Braves P Mike Hampton (back), Indians DH Travis Hafner (post-concussion symptoms), Cards OF Larry Walker (neck), Red Sox OF Trot Nixon (oblique), Orioles Utilicrud Eli Marrero (thumb), Astros P Brandon Backe (rib cage muscle), Blue Jays P Ted Lilly (biceps tendonitis), Yankees P Kevin Brown (back), White Sox 1B Frank Thomas (now likely done for the season with a fracture in his foot/ankle), Twins OF Torii Hunter (ankle…possibly done for the season).

PR: I think Ed fears his own fragile body that he completely forgot the Jay Powell injury. So very very disturbing. Poor poor Dave Dravecky.

ED: TRADE DEADLINE DEALS TO…MAKE YOU SHRUG YOUR SHOULDERS
(let's see if we can trust Baseball-References HTMLizer)

-   The Yankees pick up P? Shawn Chacon from the Rockies for minor league P’s Ramon Ramirez and Eduardo Sierra.
-   The Padres pick up C David Ross from Pittsburgh for minor league SS J.J. Furmaniak.
-   The O’s trade OF Larry Bigbie to Colorado for SCRAP!!! Eric Byrnes
-   The Padres finally get rid of 1B Phil Nevin by sending his blackhole contract to Texas for Chan Ho Park’s blackhole contract
-   Seattle sends C Miguel Olivo to the Padres for C Miguel Ojeda and P Nathanel Mateo
-   Seattle sends OF Randy Winn to the Giants for PROSPECT!!! Jesse Foppert and C Yorvit Torrealba
-   The Red Sox pick up OF Jose Cruz Jr from Arizona for P Kyle Bobo and INF Kenny Perez
-   The White Sox pick up INF Geoff Blum from San Diego for Ryan Meaux
-   The Marlins snag P Ron Villone from Seattle for P’s Yorman Bazardo and Mike Flannery
-   The Braves pick up P Kyle Farnsworth from Detroit for P’s Roman Colon and Zach Miner
-   The Cubs send OF Jody Gerut to Pittsburgh for OF Matt Lawton
-   The Yanks send P Buddy Groom to Arizona for the ol’ PTBNL or cash
-   The Dodgers send UTL Joe Thurston to the Yankees for the ol’ PTBNL

PR: I am bored, these trades suck and there is no Bill to leave this section too. Ummm… filler. Okay, Baseball-reference, work your magic.

Player	#1 Similar Player	#2 Similar Player	#3 Similiar Player
Shawn Chacon	Blake Stein	Mike Oquist	Jesus Sanchez
Larry Bigbie	Reed Johnson	Lyle Mouton	Mike Brown
Eric Byrnes	Benny Agbayani	Armando Rios	Jody Gerut
Phil Nevin	Eric Chavez	Jimmy Ray Hart	Adrian Beltre
Chan Ho Park	Juan Guzman	Jason Schmidt	Steve Avery
Miguel Olivo	Randy Knorr	Del Wilber	Bruce Bochy
Randy Winn	Roy Weatherly	Dave Robertson	Braggo Roth
Jose Cruz Jr.	Mike Cameron	Jermaine Dye	Vince Dimaggio
Geoff Blum	Johnny Vergez	Tim Hulett	Terry Shumpert
Ron Villone	Mike Kekich	Jason Grimsley	Don Carman
Kyle Farnsworth	Carlos Reyes	Bob Scanlan	Salomon Torres
Jody Gerut	Armando Rios	Craig Monroe	Chris Richard
Matt Lawton	Bernard Gilkey	Dan Ford	Steve Kemp
Buddy Groom	Alan Embree	Gabe White	Felix Heredia

PR: A few notes about this. Armando Rios is probably pissed. Who knew that he was suddenly the model OFer that teams wanted? Eric Byrnes is Jody Gerut’s 6th closest match. And I couldn’t have made up Buddy Groom’s list if I tried.

ED: Some unexciting player movement includes: the Yankees sign P? Hideo Nomo, Ricky Bottalico (DFA’d by the Brewers), Jose Cruz Jr. (DFA’d by the D-Backs), JOHN HALAMA!!! (DFA’d by the Red Sox…Only I and his disabled ex-wife shed tears), the Mets sign WIFEBEATER! Wil Cordero, the Yankees sign P Alan Embree, C Pat Borders (DFA’d by the Mariners), P Alex Graman (DFA’d by the Yankees), P Mr. Lisa Guerrero (DFA’d by the Dodgers), OF Adam Hyzdu (DFA’d by the Red Sox)

PR: Ed’s year will be made if the Yanks sign Halama and send him to Columbus.

ED: Red Sox P Matt Clement gets beaned by a line drive off the bat of OLYMPIAN!!! Carl Crawford. And just to trot out the ol’ standby – skull x-rays reveal nothing.

PR: As long as he doesn’t win the Cy Young. Stupid fantasy baseball.

ED: Oh yeah, it’s summer all right. Red Sox OF Manny Ramirez reportedly requests to be traded. But he was shown the light by THE GREAT ALBINO and stays with the team. Ahh, is there anything Curt Schilling can’t fix?

ED: MLB fails to overturn Kenny Rogers’ 20 game suspension for shoving a couple of cameramen. Yay! National security is preserved!

PR: Does this effect the chicken?

CFL
WEEK SIX!!!
ED: YESSSSS!!!! KHARI JONES SIGNS WITH HAMILTON!!! God, that’s the best football news I’ve had in ages.

PR: I read that as Dhani Jones and was so horribly confused.

ED: Toronto handles Montreal, 36-24. Aww.

ED: Ottawa keeps on rolling with a 21-16 win over Saskatchewan. BEAVER FEVER!!!

ED: Dave Dickenson throws for 462 yards and 3 TD’s as B.C. tops Calgary, 40-27.

PR: This immediately makes him better than 87% perfect of the NFL QBs.

ED: RICKY RAY!!! destroys Hamilton, as the Eskimos holds off the Ti-Cats 63-30. C’mon Khari Jones!

SOCCER
PR: Aww… Celtic forgot how to play defense during the offseason.

PR: Oh and Celtic’s signing of defender Shunsuke Nakamura is about as close as you are going to get to an NHL signing a sumo wrestler to play goal.

PR: The MLS All-Stars beat Fulham 4-1. I enjoy how this immediately set off waves of “Fulham will be relegated!” stories. Cobi smiles.

PR: Kenya was ordered to play one match behind closed doors and fined over $19,000 after a riot last month killed one fan and injured 15 others. A) One game?!?!?!?!?! Inter is now sad Dida didn’t die. B) Does the nation of Kenya even have $19,000?

PR: It was a busy week for Millwall. They get their friendly with Iran cancelled thus denying all parties involved the chance to set something on fire. They also decided to sack Steve Claridge after a month. Now if only the board in CM would allow me to do the same. Stupid old strikers.

NFL
ED: Former NFL CB Ray Oldham dead at 54.

ED: Eagles DE Jerome McDougle is shot in the stomach while being carjacked by a gang of teenagers. Obviously, this is the fault of video games. I wonder if it’s the chess game that Phil keeps getting harassed about.

PR: I am more upset that I totally missed that potential batch of people for the death pool. “Guys who went to Miami who play in either Philadelphia or Oakland”. Stupid lack of foresight.

ED: Mmm, training camps open!!! Lots of kids are now millionaires. Lots of iffy players are scoring big new contracts or trying to get big contracts. Lots of fat men are now avoiding Dennis Green.

ED: Speaking of Dennis Green, the Cards are moving their camp from Flagstaff, Arizona due to a virus outbreak at that facility.

ED: Al Michaels will be doing the Monday Night games on ESPN come 2006…with Joe Theismann. The horror! The horror!

PR: I most enjoy that Theisman was the third choice behind Madden and Aikman. “Say Joe, the fat guy and the concussed guy don’t want the job. You doing anything?”

ED: The Redskins are fined $45K by the league for having one more practice squad player in 2004 than is allowed. Yeah, they found the loophole in that rule, all right.

PR: Aww… they didn’t have a practice squad when Gibbs last coached. Yeah, let’s use that as the excuse.

ED: PLAYER MOVEMENT!!! The Redskins trade DISGRUNTLED!!! WR Rod Gardner to the Panthers for an undisclosed draft pick. The Dolphins sign VETERAN!!! S Lance Schulters. Patriots LB Ted Johnson retires.

PR: THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL TIME DOES NOT NEED ANY LINEBACKERS!!! MERE MORTALS ARE UNWORTHY TO WALK THE HALLOWED GROUNDS OF FOXBORO!!!

ED: Raiders QB Rich Gannon is hired by CBS as a game analyst and announces he will retire on August 6th. Why couldn’t Gannon and Kerry Collins trade places? Why? C’mon, like you wouldn’t watch Collins eviscerate himself behind a live mike on national TV.

ED: And former Cowboy QB Gary Hogeboom will be on this coming season’s Survivor thereby killing one FPotM that I never got completed. Stupid Hogeboom not taking my laziness into consideration.

PR: I eagerly await the scene where someone asks him what it was like to play both ways and he cries.

NBA
ED: The Knicks hire Larry Brown as their new head coach. Yeah. And if that’s not funny enough, Brown says that this will be his last coaching gig. I know. I know. It’s funny to everyone.

PR: Basketball makes me sad. Isiah and Larry trying to make personal moves makes me happy.

ED: Denver Nuggets coach George Karl undergoes surgery for prostate surgery. Oh, so that’s why he looks so bloated.

ED: Lakers draft pick Ronny Turiaf undergoes heart surgery. He is expected to be fine and able to underperfrom for the Lakers this season.
NCAA

ED: Wisconsin football coach Barry Alvarez announces he will retire after the 2005 season. Most Americans say, “Who?” Proof positive that EVERYONE HATES THE BIG 10+1/12*362-497

ED: Tennessee DT Tony McDaniel pleads guilty to assault charges stemming from punching a guy in the face during a pick-up basketball game. Oh, this Ohio State-Tennessee thug contest is wonderful.

ED: Oh yeah, to be fair to Ohio State for once, QB Troy Smith is cleared of all violations stemming from attending a Steve McNair QB camp. Assumedly, they figured that taking the punishment that a McNair QB camp ensues outweighs anything the NCAA could dish out.

ED: Former Arkansas head basketball coach Nolan Richardson will coach Panama’s national basketball team. Oh, that’s…that’s…I think that’s a really swell thing. Please don’t sue me, Nolan.

NHL
ED: Wow! This header still looks funny! OK. Let’s see, there’s a whole buncha old rich Canadians/Eastern Europeans who are now looking for employment after having their contracts bought out. Anna K has to be on the prowl.

ED: NHL Union Chief Rob Goodenow is resigning from his post. Assumedly, he will not be moving to Canada.

ED: That US Senate ‘roids panel? Yeah, they don’t like the NHL’s steroid policy. Yeah, the steroid issue is one of hockey’s great concerns right now.

OTHER
ED: Kurt Bush wins the Allstate 400 at the Brickyard. God, did this fly below the radar. I mean, ESPN was pimping the Bass Championships harder than this.

PR: Food Eating Competitions Ed. Its all about Kobayashi.

ED: Danica Patrick loses again. Nipples. Women driving. Yada-yada.

PR: I was at my parents for the weekend and my sister gets a subscription to US (and Sporting News – so my house has the greatest selection of bathroom reading material ever). And in one of the issues there was a truly hideous picture of Danica with Lindsay Lohan. I just imagined that the only thing she was thinking of was “Skeletor is going to kill me and I am wearing this stupid green dress at the ESPYs”.

ED: Ernie Els is out for the season with a knee injury. Yes. He’s a golfer. Yes. I was desperate to fill out this section.

PR: What? Did David Duval get woozy and fall on him?