The Week That Was 8/1/06 - 8/6/06 

 

ED: Yeah.  I am working for the weekend.  Bill is sitting around in his smoking jacket and fez schmoozing with Keith Olbermann and thinking of ways to rig players in minicamp into catching fire.  And Phil is just trying not to kill people.  SOOOOOOO ENTER JOOOOOOOOGE!!!!

 

JC:  I, Jooge Vladimir Antonio Vicente Aristotle Cerdit IX, descendent of Upper San Zimbazslovavian royalty, say to you this, if Harold Reynolds too touch Linda Cohen in bad way…MALENKARRADA, HAROLD!  MALENKARRADA!!!

 

MLB

 

JC:  Former Tiger P Elden Auker strike out Babe Ruth and dead for 95.

 

JC:  TRADES!!!  My dear Orioles trade C Javy Lopez and moneys to the Red Sox for a player named to be later.  I no happy about this at all no matter how love I do Orioles.  Sometime being O fan like wachiziski circumfuego’ed everyday!

 

JC:  ROSTER MOVES!!! Mets call up OF Lastings Milledge and send P Mike Pelfrey to the minor.  Devil Rays call up SS BJ Upton.  Dodgers DFA OF Jose Cruz Jr.  Astros activate 3B Morgan Ensberg from the DL.  Padres release OF Eric Young.  Twins send P Boof Bonser to the minors.  Rangers release P John Wasdin.  O’s sign C Chris Widger.  Mariners activated P Rafael Soriano from DL.  A’s call up IF D’Angelo Jiminez and DFA P Randy Keisler.  Yankees call up P Jose Veras and DFA SCRAPPED!  Bubba Crosby.  Blue Jay call up P Francisco Rosario and DFA C Jason Phillips.  Devil Rays activate P Dan Micelli from DL and DFA P Edwin Jackson.

 

JC:  DL LIST!!!  Nationals C/1B Robert Fick (ribs), Red Sox C Jason Varitek (knee), Giants C Mike Matheny (done with concussions), Devil Rays P Travis Harper (shoulder), O P Kris Benson (elbow), A’s SS Bobby Crosby (back)

 

ED:  ROID NEWS!!!  Cardinal’s Marcos Chavez and P Jonathan Gonzalez, Cole Flowers of the Braves, Kengshill Pujols of the Dodgers, Edison Barrios and Juan Casas of the Pittsburgh Pirates, Alvaro Diaz of the Detroit Tigers and Jesus Granado of the Philadelphia Phillies are suspended 50 games to enhancing their performances bad.  Patrick Arnold, who invent Barry Bonds’ clear gets 3 months jail for involved with BALCO that juiced up players illegally.

 

JC:  Newly-Yankeed acquire P Corey Lidle talks about bad Phillies not trying wins when playing.  Phillies P Arthur Rhodes, who no one acquired when Phillies try to sell anything sellable, calls Lidle a scab for playing when no one else was playing during player strike in 1995 and says Lidle was suffering internet and eating ice cream when Phillies badly played as he sat in clubhouse and was more interested in gamble and plane flying than pitching for Phillies good.  I laugh at this Lidle since Arthur Rhodes is one I trust to know what makes pitchers badly pitch for teams to not win.

 

JC:  Brewers 3B Jeff Cirillo claim Colorado Rockies waterlog their balls when winning and dry their balls when losing and thinks MLB should check how the Rockies handle their balls.  I know why John Kruk never play for Colorado now.  HAH HAH.  I still good at this, no?

 

JC:  Barry Bonds’s 715th home run ball gets paid $220,100 on ebay internet auction.  Wow!  I tell my friend Tibor that alot of money to pay for ball shranked tiny.  HAH HAH.  I funny.  I should have own site.

 

JC:  Padres P Chan Ho Park gets blood transfused for his stomach problems.  At price Park is paid for contract, his blood cost more per liter than petrol these day.  HAH HAH.  But seriously.

 

JC:  Japanese home run king Sadaharu Oh says he felt reborn after he leaving hospital with stomach removal surgery.  I like Sadaharu meet Curt Schilling so he can call gutless for real.  Thank you, I here all week that was.

 

JC:  Cardinal Manager Tony LaRussa call play of Brewers 3B David Bell “dangerous” because he slud hard in Cardinals SS David Eckstein and almost hurt little fella.  This first time David Bell play consider dangerous to team he not play for I think.

 

JC:  TROUBLE LIST!!!  Rangers P Vicente Padilla is arrested for drunk while driving.

 

CFL

 

WEEK EIGHT!!!

 

JC:  Montreal hammer hurted up Toronto, 31-7.  Next week I think Tibor and me play for Toronto.

 

JC:  Hamilton upsets the Winnipeg, 26-11, after getting destructed by Blue Bombers 29-0 week before.  There is parity you wanted for, NFL.

 

JC:  BC thumped Edmonton, 34-17, when Geroy Simon goes to catch two touchdowns and 196 yards.  196 yards!  Only Bret Favre throw to can that far!  WOW!

JC:  Saskatchewan-Calgary


NFL

 

JC:  Troy Aikman, Harry Carson, John Madden, Warren Moon, Reggie White and Rayfield Wright are indicted into the Pro Football Hall Of Fame.  I no understand why people upset Michael Irvin not get indicted.  He indicted for everything else, why he need to be indicted hog?

 

JC:  Football season open with Raiders-Eagles preseason Hall of Fame game that no one watch or play but pretend they want to.

 

JC:  Lions GM Matt Millen is name to NFL competition committee.  I tell Tibor that NFL now will try to make play 14 WR’s on teams and all of them not gay.  Tibor tell me grow moustache if I want to make Matt Millen joke.

 

JC:  Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie say signing WR Terrell Owens was mistake since TO and Donovan McNabb didn’t get along to have soup and like each other that cause team to lose.

 

JC:  Kansas City Chiefs DE rookie Tamba Hali gets his US Citizenship papered.  Hali is from Liberia and leave there as young because they are at war.  Alot like Upper San Zimbazslovavia but we no war when SportsCenter is on and when it hot or cold or too rainy or too dry or when Upper San Zimbazslovavian Idol is on.  We no war alot.

 

JC:  Redskins WR David Patten is go to hospitalized for viral meningitis.  Redskins coach Joe Gibbs says this isn’t nothing serious.  Joe Gibbs knows God good prayer clear up bad stuff and Patten play no good for Redskins.

 

JC:  INJURIES!!!  Colts S Bob Sanders (on PUP list with shoulder), Texans LB Wali Rainer (out season for ankle broken), Seahawks WR Darrell Jackson (knee), Broncos DT Gerard Warren (toe), Vikings S Tank Williams (out for season with knee)

 

JC: PLAYA MOVEMENT!!!  Bills signed FB Alan Ricard.  49ers waives CB Bruce Thornton.  Chargers releases WR Rashaun Woods but Woods signs Broncos instead.  Chiefs pick traded RB Michael Bennett from Saints for undisclosed draft pick in 2007.  Rams signed RB Moe Williams.

 

JC:  TROUBLE LIST!!!  Steelers WR Santonio Holmes haves disorderly conduct charges against him dropped but ordered put $250 in policemans trust.

 

SOCCER

 

JC:  Upper San Zimbazslovavia national team beat Brazil!!!  Well, no.  Not really beat  Brazil.  They keep Brazil 13-under team to only 6 goal.  And it was Brazil girl 13-under team.  But it like win for Upper San Zimbazslovavia.  Next year we score goal.  Next year we hopeful have money for pants for team too.  Not funny to play with no pant when against 13 year-old girl.

 

NCAA

 

JC:  An Ohio judge rule Ohio State must pay former basketball coach Jim O’Brien $2.2 million for ejecting prematurely.  WOW!  $2.2 million and he get to leave the Ohio!  That heaven like Tibor and I sneaking out country in Anna Benson’s cleavage!

 

JC:  TROUBLE LIST!!!  Tennessee football player is arrested for drunken while driving on college campus.  Miami football players Tyrone Moss, Ryan Moore, James Bryant and Rashaun Jones are suspended for violated team policies.  USC football player Brandon Ting test positively for performance enhancers before leave team the week before.  Cal football player Steve Levy is let back on team after he no contests bar fight charge.  Oklahoma football players Rhett Bomar and J.D. Quinn are kick off team for not working at car dealership when employed.  Iowa State basketball player Jiri Hubalek suspend for six game for receiving benefit improper. (HAH!  I told Jiri he no right!  Tibor and I laugh at Jiri!  Jiri got no game anyway!  Tibor put up big point against him once!  In your face, Jiri!)

 

NBA

 

JC:  Team USA world basketball team are rock and roll superstar great!  Man, there good slamming jamming NBA inside stuff there!  I no like Upper San Zimbazslovavia chances in world championships this year no matter how many times we get to play Belize.  HAH HAH.  Belize stinks more than we.

 

JC:  NBA announce seeding change to playoff so good team can play bad and not have to be good until end of playoffs if that comes.  This good since bad teams play good and beat good teams play bad and NBA cannot get people to watch good bad teams unless they like Pearl Jam.

 

JC:  Pacers C Dale Davis arrested and shocked with stun gun for disorderly conduct.  I like your Cops shows.  I hope this makes next week.  Tazers make zap-zap good television.

 

NHL

 

JC:  Assistant Phoenix Coyotes coach Rick Tocchet is in trouble with law when former New Jersey cop pleaded guilty to gambling charges that involved Tocchet.  I hope not Janet Gretzky in trouble too since thought of her in jail…Ooo.  With Linda Cohen and Anna Benson.  I go to away for a few minutes now.  I be back.

 

OTHER

 

JC:  Tour de France winner Floyd Landis still has funny urine which may not be real.  His urine back up reveal he pee funny still.

 

JC: Jimmie Johnson win Allstate 400 at the Brickyard.  In my country they show race run other way since we below equator like toilet flush other way.  My brother say me this is good joke in America, no?

 

JC:  Champ Car racer Cristiano da Matta is in hospitalized when running into deer on race track.  In Upper San Zimbazslovavia this is how we run races.  But we have burros no deer.  And we have burros no cars.  But same thing.  Cristiano da Matta need to watch his burro.

 

JC:  Sarah Fisher gets deals to race car for IndyCar at Indy 300.  I joke to Tibor that maybe Sarah and Danica get race together wreck then fight like cats and…I hope Linda Cohen cover on SportsCenter after show World Series Poker with Anna.