The Week That Was 12/19/05 - 12/25/05 

 

ED: It's a very Rippa Holiday! This week, Bob Saget will be playing the role of Phil Rippa, who's playing the role of Clark Griswald, who Bill is too young to know.

 

NFL

 

ED: Colts coach Tony Dungy's son is found dead in his apartment. Don't worry people, Ray Lewis had an alibi.

 

ED: INJURIES!!! Now, I could list all the injuries and take you away from the egg nog and fruit cake for a spell. But let's face it; none of us really care at this point. Suffice to say, there are a few guys out with bum knees, a few out with bum necks, but most all of them are really just getting their groins right. And really, this time of year, what else really matters? It's all about the ho-ho-ho's after all.

 

ED: PLAYA MOVEMENT!!! The Giants sign PROVEN! VETERAN! WINNER! EX-PATRIOT! SEXY! Roman Phifer.

 

ED: Jets WR Wayne Chrebet retires. Odds of him going to Fox with Troy Aikman to create an all star team of scattered-brained announcers are incredibly high.

 

ED: The Pro Bowl rosters are announced. Oops, not so fast Tarik Glenn. Yeah, not so fast, fat man.

 

ED: Booze will not be sold at the Jets-Pats game on Monday night in an attempt to squelch rowdy fans. Ferchrissakes, how else are people supposed to watch that game but plastered?

 

ED: The end of Week 15 saw: The Ravens destroy the Packers, 48-3.

 

WEEK SIXTEEN!!

 

ED:  Atlanta is eliminated from playoff contention after losing to the Bucs in OT, 27-24.  You know, when Chris Simms looks like the best left handed QB on the field, then maybe Mr. Mexico ain't all he's hyped to be.

 

ED:  Who are you to doubt the GENIUSOSITY! of Marvin Lewis!  If he wants his team to sleep-walk through a meaningless game in December then let him.  It's not like the Bengals are going to matter come playoff time anyway.

 

ED:  Dallas takes Carolina late, 24-20.  Wow!  That's a whole lot of effort to put into a game by two teams who might get lucky enough to go tits up in their first round playoff game.  Ya may as well take it easy and get in line for the good draft picks.  But what do I know?

 

ED:  Ooo, Lions-Saints!  One city ravaged by death and destruction and wrecked by natural forces beyond anyone's control.  The other city - New Orleans.  HAH!  Aww, I love ya, Detroit.  Really!  I do!  Don't shoot me.  Lions 13, Saints 12.

 

ED:  The great thing about Jacksonville clinching a playoff spot with their win over Houston this week?  Jack Del Rio's totally awesome hair!  Mmm, sexy!  Jags 38, Texans 20.

 

ED: The worst thing about the Giants dropping that game to the Skins is that all week I would hear Phil moan about how the Giants are doomed and that this would be the week that Kerry Collins would come to life and destroy the Giants, in an effort to reverse-jinx the Giants.  And all week I would tell him that the Raiders quit in like Week 8 and that there was no chance that the Raiders could sneak one out at this point in the season - all in an effort to reverse-kinx the Raiders in the hopes that they could beat the Giants and make both Phil and Bill hate me even more than they normally do.   But instead, Phil is down with the in-laws trying to find ways to off himself and I will not be able to enjoy this in any way, shape or form.  Redskins 35, Giants 20.

 

ED:  Whee!  Thank you Ohio TV for giving me every second of this crap fast!  No!  Couldn't give me a better and/or closer game!  Nope.  Had to give me every second of this!  Thank you NFL!  Thank you Ohio!  Steelers 41, Browns 0.

 

ED:  Wow!  Who could have seen this season ending in failure for Marty Schottenhemier?  Not me!  KC 20, San Diego 7.

 

ED:  Mike Martz is not an idiot!  Remember that!  He is not an idiot!  The Rams just suck now.  49ers 24, Rams 20.

 

ED: Miami-Tennessee?  God, on no level does that game sound interesting in the least - much like, say, NBC's programming schedule, the NBA, a jam band concert or Masterpiece Theater.  None of thos things are alike in any way, I realize.  Or maybe they are?  Either way, I don't care.  Dolphins 24, Titans 10.

 

ED:  Oh yeah, the annual Cardinal late-season emergence that some fools buy into for the upcoming season.  Suckers.  Cards 27, Eagles 21.

 

ED:  Sweet Jesus make it stop!  Seahawks 28, Colts 13.

 

ED: Sweet Jesus make it stop! Denver 22, Raiders 3.

 

ED:  Mmm, weak scheduling.  Oops!  I mean PARITY!!!!  PARITY!  Who are YOU to doubt the NFC North Champion Chicago Bears?  WHO?!?!?!  Bears 24, Packers 17.

 

ED: All sort of experts - and non-experts of course - spend a whole lot of time in August breaking down the chances of teams and everyone has about the same success ratio as we do.  But all anyone REALLY needs to do is look at the Sunday night game schedule to see what teams are going to suck this year.  God knows, ESPN has known that too well.  Ravens 30, Vikings 23.

 

NCAA

 

ED: Hey! The bowl games started. I will now watch 5 minutes of bowl games and will thereby qualify as a draft expert in April.  Upside!  Speed!  Projectablity!  Excellent motor!  Yep.  I'm all set.

 

NBA

 

ED: Merry Holidays! I will not poop on the NBA this week. Next.

 

NHL

 

ED: The Canadian Olympic hockey team is announced. Much bitterness ensues. Money soaks up the tears.

 

MLB

 

ED: Former Oriole Elrod Hendricks dead at 64.  Hendricks still expected to be propped up in the Orioles bull pen and warm up relievers.

 

ED: CHRISTMAS SHOPPING INSANITY!!! The Indians sign P's? Steve Karsay and Danny Graves. The Rockies sign P's Bret Prinz, Jose Acevedo and Steve Colyer. The Mariners sign P Jarrod Washburn. The Mets sign P's? Darren Oliver, Pedro Feliciano and Jose Parra. The A's re-sign P Joe Kennedy. The Red Sox sign P? Rudy Seanez. The Reds sign P? Chris Hammond. The Yankees sign P? Octavio Dotel. The Cubs sign OF? Jacque Jones. The Dodgers sign OF? Kenny Lofton. The Yankees sign Hippy? Johnny Damon. The Cardinals sign Drunk? Sidney Ponson. The Orioles sign VETERAN PRESENCE!!! Jeff Conine. The Yankees re-sign GUITAR MAN? Bernie Williams. The Dodgers sign P? Brett Tomko. The Twins sign DL? Rondell White.  The Mariners sign 'ROIDIN!!! Matt Lawton.  The Padres sign Bill's Man Crush Mark Bellhorn.  The Astros sign P's Steve Sparks and Dave Borkowski and IF's Eric Munson, Danny Klassen and Kevin Orie(!).  The Red Sox sign C John Flaherty.  The Mets sign OF Endy Chavez.  The Indians sign C? Einar Diaz.  The Cardinals sign OF? Juan Encarnacion and DL Junior Spivey.  The Royals sign OF Reggie Sanders and P Joe Mays (Poor-poor Pieman).  The Giants sign UTL Jose Vizcaino.  The Nats sign P Mike Stanton.

 

ED: TRADES!!! The Angels trade C Josh Paul to the Devil Rays for IF Travis Schlichting. The Phillies pick up P Ricardo Rodriguez to complete the Vicente Padilla trade. The Royals trade OF Matt Diaz to the Braves for P Ricardo F. Rodriguez. The Padres send P's Adam Eaton and Akinori Otsuka and a PTBNL to Texas for P Chris Young, 1B Adrian Gonzalez and OF Termel Sledge. The Brewers trade P Justin Barnes to the Royals for P Chris Demaria. The Giants trade 3B? Edgardo Alfonso to the Angels for OF? Steve Finley.

 

ED: Assorted other playa movement/deals: The Mets release TARGET! Kaz Ishii. Red Sox 2B? Tony Graffinino and Devil Rays 1B? Travis Lee accept arbitration since no one wanted them on the free agent market. The Mariners claim P Jake Woods off of waivers from the Angels.

 

ED: Phil sends along this Non-Tendered list. Per Primer. (Unless someone can come up with some sort of content before hand - which, of course, we hadn't).  Read it and weep for my beloeved Clippers:

 

STARTERS

----------------------------

RHP Kurt Ainsworth (BAL)

RHP Cha Seung Baek (SEA)

RHP Dewon Brazelton (SD)

RHP Josh Fogg (PIT)

RHP Ryan Franklin (SEA)

RHP Wade Miller (BOS)

RHP Wes Obermueller (ATL)

RHP Ramon Ortiz (CIN)

 

RELIEVERS

----------------------------

RHP Jose Acevedo (COL)

RHP Jon Adkins (CHW)

RHP Grant Balfour (MIN)

RHP Jeff Bennett (MIL)

RHP Chad Bradford (BOS)

RHP Joe Borowski (TB)

LHP Craig Breslow (SD)

RHP Jim Brower (ATL)

RHP Shawn Camp (KC)

RHP Felix Diaz (CHW)

RHP Jose Diaz (CLE)

LHP Wayne Franklin (NYY)

RHP Dan Kolb (MIL)

RHP Mike Lincoln (STL)

LHP Trever Miller (TB)

RHP Nick Reglio (TEX)

RHP Eddy Rodriguez (BAL)

RHP Joe Valentine (CIN)

RHP Tyler Yates (NYM)

 

CATCHERS

----------------------------

Mike Mahoney (STL)

Miguel Olivo (SD)

Jason Phillips (LAD)

Mike Rose (TB)

 

FIRST BASEMEN

----------------------------

Ken Harvey (KC)

Brian Myrow (LAD)

 

SECOND BASEMEN

----------------------------

Willie Harris (CHW)

Bo Hart (STL)

Junior Spivey (WAS)

 

THIRD BASEMEN

----------------------------

Joe Dillon (FLA)

Scott Seabol (STL)

Rick Short (WAS)

 

OUTFIELDERS

----------------------------

Hiram Bocachica (OAK)

Eric Byrnes (BAL)

Endy Chavez (PHI)

Mike Edwards (LAD)

Alex Escobar (WAS)

Wayne Lydon (NYM)

Timo Perez (CHW)

Ryan Spilborghs (COL)

Jamal Strong (SEA)

 

ED: Astros P Roy Oswalt gets a bulldozer from Astros owner Drayton McLane as part of a deal they made for the Astros winning the NL pennant. Roger Clemens still waiting on his KILLDOZER!

 

ED: And just to make us feel a little closer to death, the Marlins announced their new coaching staff - including Jim Presley, Bobby Meacham and Mike Harkey. Where did all the good times go? Where?

 

SOCCER

 

OTHER

 

ED: The Winnipeg Blue Bombers hire Doug Berry as their new coach. I, of course, read that at first as Bill Berry and wondered if Peter Buck was going to be the offensive coordinator.