The Week
That Was
1/1/07 - 1/7/07
ED:
Yeah.
NFL
ED: HEAD COACHING MOVES!!! Steelers
head coach Bill Cowher quits. Dolphins
head coach Nick Sabin quits to take
the
BB: The
Raiders make you wanna leave the one you're with? Start a new
relationship with
who? I have no idea what I'm talking about.
MM:
Denny Green fired in AZ. I could tolerate Russ Grimm I guess. Norm Chow
is an
obvious choice and is just behind Tim Chang on my Man Crush List. So
who makes
the short list? Mike %$#@ Sherman and people that can't be named
because
they're still playing, meaning Cam Cameron and Ron Rivera.
PR: Aww…
none of the above.
ED: And a whole buncha other teams who
didn’t
make the playoffs kill off their coaching staffs – namely, the Jags and
the
49ers. Well, someone has to take the
fall, I reckon.
BB:
Whoever takes them is definitely not getting laid. No one associated
with The
Fall ever gets laid.
MM: A
player who graduated from
PR: See
I was convinced that Dirk Koetter was the name of one of the members of
The
Fall. And that made me wonder if Marc knew his name without Google
searching
it. Oh well – so much for that thought.
ED: Of course to make us all happy, Matt
Millen
is NOT fired by the Lions. God I love
the Lions. I mean, in a manly purely
hetero way, of course.
PR: I
will give lots and lots of money for the Lions to take a wideout in the
draft.
ED: Titans GM Floyd Reese resigns, however. Apparently, he felt too inferior around the
GENUISOSITY!!! that is Jeff Fisher.
BB: I
WANTED VINCE YOUNG BITCH!!! I forget who actually wanted Vince Young so
I can't
actually claim that victory for either side. I will just assume he made
ill-advised racial slurs towards Norm Chow.
ED: AWARDS!!!
Texans LB DeMarco Ryans is named NFL Rookie Defensive Player of
the
Year. Titans QB Vince Young is named NFL
Offensive Player of the Year. Jets QB
Chadd Pennington is named NFL Comeback Player of the Year.
Chargers RB is – DUH! – named the AP’s NFL
MVP and Offensive Player of the year.
Dolphins DE Jason Taylor is named the AP’s Defensive Player of
the
Year. Saints head coach Sean Payton is
named AP’s Coach of the Year.
BB: It's
cool that Ryans won Defensive Player of the Year. He would fit in on
most of
the teams in the NFL since he can't cover bupkus. In fact, I think that
makes
him worth a pair of second round picks from the Texans right about now!
And I
have no idea why Chad Pennington was given an extra 'D' on his name by
Ed. I am
going to let the others figure it out.
PR: Well
Pennington is from
ED: PLAYA MOVEMENT!!!
The Eagles sign HOLDER!!! Koy Detmer.
ED: TROUBLE LIST!!! Lions
G Ross Verba is busted for passing bad
checks in
BB: He
should've at least had the option to get kicked in the groin.
MM: You
used to block for Brett Favre, now you bounce checks at bunny ranches
in the
middle of the Mohave. Congrats, Ross Verba. You're still not the
saddest sack
on that team.
PLAYOFFS!!!
ED: The Colts pee all over the memory of
Lamar
Hunt, 23-8. And for that, I love the
Colts.
BB: Aww...poor
poor MLS dream.
ED: The Seahawks hold off the Cowboys,
21-20. Word from my INSIDAZ!!! is that
Tony Romo was so disconsolate after the game that he approached TO for
a bottle
of pain pills to rid him of his pain. Of
course, neither of them could keep a hold of the bottle so…aww. It’s the oldies but goodies.
BB: If
only Tom Brady was around. He woulda held onto it.
ED: Hey! I
had almost forgotten how much I hate the Pats!
Whew! Thanks for reminding me! Pats 37, Jets 16.
BB: Oh
yeah. There we go. I am a homer!!! Go Chris Chambers!
MM:
Reading the result of that game was like flipping through the back
pages of a
1986 Pro Wrestling Illustrated and seeing Ric Flair pinned Pez Whatley
or
something in Ocela, FL. EVERYONE knows without watching --- Pats beat
Jets. But
you didn't see the Pats bumping and selling for the Jets until hitting
their
signature spots with a decisive pin. No way that game was 37-16. (I
love RavenMack.)
ED: The Eagles hold off the Giants, 23-20. Yeah, I’ll just back away from this one.
BB: The
Giants kinda owed David Akers for shanking that Week 17 field goal a
couple of
years ago. This was just payback. And, of course, Tom Coughlin isn't
going
anywhere so next year will be a miserable failure. This should be fun.
PR:
Stupid Giants not respecting the wishes of the dead.
NCAA
ED: USC K Mario Danelo dead at 21.
ED: Screw the time frame –
FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to touch Urban Meyer in all of his bad
places.
ED: Nick Saban jumps from the Dolphins to
take
the
MM: Not
sure what I liked better, Don Shula taking shots at Saban on his way
out or
ESPN's Bill Curry's line about finding a way to beat Auburn twice a
year to
keep the job.
ED: Hey, Notre Dame is not real good at
that
whole bowl game business. Yeah, I can
just throw that line up every year, can’t I?
BB:
Mmm...auto-text.
MM: ITS
THE TIME OFF. THEIR LAST REGULAR SEASON GAME WAS SO LONG AGO. EVERY
YEAR.
SOCCER
BB:
West
Ham sign Nigel Quashie and Luis Boa Morte. Maybe solely because neither
of them
are Argentine. I'm not really sure.
BB: Paul
Le Guen strips Barry Ferguson of his captaincy, and then leaves Rangers
"by mutual consent" two days later. That is a "No means Go
Faster" kind of consent.
PR: See
if this was CM – he would definitely have already gotten like the
BB:
BB: Luis
Figo does/doesn't/does/doesn't move to Al Ittihad in
BB: Kanu
wants to leave
PR:
Clearly I am not running this
NBA
ED: Heat head coach Pat Riley takes a leave of
absence to take care of hip and ankle problems.
Riley is replaced pro tem by Ron Rothstein.
Mmm, hair gel.
MM: If I
was looking at the gaping maw of a roster older than sanskrit with an
anointed
God on one side and a seven-footer who likes physical fitness less than
Rick
Majerus's hamstring, I'd find "hip" and "ankle" problems,
too.
NHL
ED: Umm…Well, no one get hockey news from us
anyway.
ed
(2:52:11 PM): and lucky you, you get one more year of Rice campaigning
for the
bill
(2:52:54 PM): god i hope i'm not in
ed
(2:53:00 PM): hehehehe
ed
(2:53:34 PM): I am just upset that WALLY JOYNER!!! got no votes
bill
(2:54:49 PM): awww...but he did no steroids man
bill
(2:54:54 PM): well only a little steroids
ed
(2:55:02 PM): but he didn't mean too
ed
(2:55:07 PM): read the blog, bitch
bill
(2:55:10 PM): hehee
ed
(2:56:03 PM): poor Scott Brosius
ed
(3:11:15 PM): aww, the easy humor of mocking
bill
(3:11:32 PM): awww...or animal
ed
(3:11:58 PM): poor little Johnny Ace's nephew
ed
(3:12:08 PM): HE COULD BE A DYNAMIC DUDE!!!
bill
(3:13:11 PM): ooh - ooh - but then who would troy smith be?
ed
(3:15:36 PM): Rocky King?
bill
(3:15:45 PM): bob cook?
bill
(3:15:49 PM): is bob cook even black?
ed
(3:15:55 PM): no
ed
(3:16:04 PM): very pasty, if I recall correctly
ed
(3:16:52 PM): so yeah
ed
(3:17:17 PM): racist cube neighbor is one of those college fans who
always
refers to the team as "we" or "us"
ed
(3:17:41 PM): which of course, leads me to always ask what position he
plays
bill
(3:17:43 PM): oh yeah - that seems entirely likely
bill
(3:17:44 PM): hehehe
ed
(3:18:05 PM): so this morning I came in and told him he missed a lot of
tackles
last night
bill
(3:18:11 PM): hehehehe
bill
(3:18:22 PM): i am assuming he needed to make a few calls last night
ed
(3:18:26 PM): oof
bill
(3:18:33
PM): and/or blamed the loss on troy smith's blackness
ed
(3:18:38 PM): well, yeah
ed
(3:18:51 PM): essentially the party line is to blame it on the negroes
ed
(3:19:28 PM): Smith because he's you know...
ed
(3:19:33 PM): Smith
ed
(3:19:42 PM): and Ginn since he got hurt celebrating
bill
(3:19:50 PM): aww
bill
(3:19:58 PM): and because he was a bad guitarist
ed
(3:20:18 PM): and he behind-raped a bucn of bands
ed
(3:20:22 PM): bunch
ed
(3:20:26 PM): never forget that
bill
(3:20:58 PM): hehehe
bill
(3:21:08 PM): well, he behind-raped some bands and consensually hit bob
mould
ed
(3:21:36 PM): HAH
bill
(3:21:42 PM): awww yeah
bill
(3:21:45 PM): the bob mould gay jokes never get old
ed
(3:22:10 PM): well, you could have said that about Grant Hart too
ed
(3:22:12 PM): but yeah
ed
(3:22:19 PM): like anyone remembers Grant Hart
bill
(3:22:49 PM): awww
bill
(3:23:08 PM): if i could only have been around for those conversations
between
bob mould and people in wcw burying bret hart
ed
(3:23:54 PM): if only you could have been around to tell him not to
start Sugar
ed
(3:23:58 PM): or his solo career
bill
(3:24:16 PM): awww
bill
(3:24:25 PM): well, i mean, no one ever gets that advice
ed
(3:25:30 PM): true, like all those bands Eddie Vedder started
ed
(3:25:39 PM): you know, Creed and Candlebox
bill
(3:26:14 PM): ooh and nickelback
ed
(3:26:27 PM): and Stone Temple Pilots
bill
(3:26:58 PM): awww - i am listening to galaxie 500
ed
(3:27:05 PM): of course, who am I to judge.
I found myself listening to...
bill
(3:27:05 PM): and i think eddie vedder would be a great galaxie 500
singer
ed
(3:27:07 PM): Primus
bill
(3:27:18 PM): hehe
ed
(3:27:22 PM): I hate myself
bill
(3:27:23 PM): i am not sure which of us is worse off
ed
(3:27:29 PM): it's me
ed
(3:27:32 PM): trust me
ed
(3:27:55 PM): Galaxie 500 is oodles better than Primus
ed
(3:28:09 PM): and I am indifferent to Galaxie 500
ed
(3:28:15 PM): OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
ed
(3:28:26 PM): so flipping thru the channels this weekend
ed
(3:28:37 PM): Kelly Deal was on a kitting show
ed
(3:28:43 PM): knitting, even
ed
(3:28:57 PM): I mean, lord knows the Deal sisters know their needles
bill
(3:28:59 PM): hehehehe
ed
(3:29:09 PM): but...knitting????
bill
(3:29:10 PM): aww...i knew exactly where that was going and i was still
happy
when it got there
ed
(3:29:31 PM): sadly I will never remember to put that into the wtw
MLB
ED: Former International League President
and
CLIPPERS!!! GM George Sisler Jr dead at 89.
BB: Ooh
- ooh - with Junior Equivalencies he would've hit like .290 right?
ED: PLAYA
MOVEMENT!!! The Indians sign IF’s Luis Rivas
and Keith Ginter. The D-Rays pick up IF
Brendan Harris from the Reds for the ol’ PTBNL or cash.
The Pirates sign IF Jose Hernandez. The
Mariners sign 3B Sean Burroughs. The Red
Sox sign P Joel Pineiro. The Twins sign P
Sidney Ponson. The Astros sign 2B? Mark
Loretta. The Yankees sign GLOVE!!! Doug
Misspelling. The Indians sign PVC!!!
Keith Foulke. The Yankees supposedly
trade P Randy Johnson to the Diamondbacks for P’s Luis Vizcaino, Ross
Ohlendorf
and Steven Jackson and SS Alberto Gonzalez.
The Mariners sign P Chris Reitsma.
BB: PROVEN VETERAN
STARTER! IS ALSO A CLOSER? Remember when Craig
Hansen was supposed to be great? Yep - that's what you get for relying
on
ED:
ED:
A
ED: TROUBLE LIST!!! Padres
P Jake Peavy is arrested for
disorderly conduct for double parking his car at an airport. White Sox SS Juan Uribe says he might not
play in 2007 in order to fulfill court obligations due to his shoot ‘em
up
charges in
BB:
Kenny Williams issues a statement saying that he'll replace Uribe
if he's unable to play at a championship-caliber level. Jokes write
themselves.
Red Sox offer him 45 million for 4 years. Like that one.
OTHER
ED: Bobby Hamilton SR dead at 49.
PR:
ED: Oh!
How did we forget this? The
WNBA’s Charlotte Sting is now no more. A
dispersal draft for the Sting players will be held this week. Bill will get you that draft preview here in
a jiffy.
BB: A
BUNCH OF GIRLS WILL GO TO OTHER PLACES AND NO ONE WILL CARE. BYE.
PR: Aww…
I am not sure if Bill is describing the dispersal draft or one of the
parties
that he goes where he tries to get laid.
ED: Making Justin happy – “Can somebody
add
something about ESPN buying an ownership stake in the Arena league,
with Monday
night games all season? It happened a few weeks ago and I think we
haven't
mentioned it.” No. No
we hadn’t, Justin. Now we have.
And now I am giddy with the thought of Stuart Scott covering an
AFL game
and the high probability of him getting his other eye knocked all goofy.