The Week That Was 5/14/07 - 5/20/07  

ED: Poor, poor Phil. I am certain by the time this gets posted he will have been attacked by locusts.

BB: And fortunately, recovered!

NBA

ED: PLAYOFFS!!!! Are still going on. But thankfully we are given some hate thanks to the Spurs and Suns. Otherwise…yeah…just like a Pear Jam album.

BB: Pear Jam: delicious British delicacy, fruit-related coverband, or both?

ED: The Rockets fire head coach Jeff Van Gundy. Poor little Brian Cashman sorta-doppelganger.

BB: Hey, if sunken eyes make you a Brian Cashman doppelganger I am pretty sure Phil qualifies too and he is probably eighteen inches taller than either of them.

ED: Oh, Golden State Warrior owner Chris Cohan owes over $160 million in back taxes. Well, as long as he dresses properly when he attends games, the NBA won’t care.

BB: I've been working on a little book thing about my college years and in my notes, I have a quote from a girl who for some reason, was in the communal bathroom for my dorm freshman year. No - unlike most girls who went into the bathroom of my freshman dorm - she was not getting plowed in the shower. She was talking about a car she had seen with her friend on the phone (actually, now that I think about it, maybe I was in the girls' bathroom as opposed to the other way around) and she said, "No. NO! I don't think it's thugged out. I think it's pimped out." The delineation of the two still confuses me, but I'm pretty sure that if your coach wears Sean John to the game, he's pimped out, not thugged out. I think this is where, if Phil was here, he would respond with something like

PR: WORD LIFE!!!

NHL

ED: PLAYOFFS!!! The Ducks and Red Wings hate each other too. Not as much as Phil hates life but…yeah.

BB: Well, true.

AFL

WEEK TWELVE!!!

BB: Well, true.

MLB

ED:  DL LIST!!! Nats P Shawn Hill (shoulder), Royals 1B Ross Gload (quadriceps), A’s PVC!!! Huston Street (elbow), Rangers P Kevin Millwood (hamstring), Ranges P Ron Mahay (ribcage muscle), Nats P Jerome Williams (rotator cuff), Rangers OF Brad Wilkerson (hamstring), D-Backs 3B Chad Tracy (ribcage strain), Braves P Mike Gonzalez (elbow), Tigers P Jeremy Bonderman (finger), A’s OF Chris Snelling (knee), Twins P Jesse Crain (rotator cuff and labrum), Mets PEE HANDS!!! Moises Alou (quadriceps), Marlins 1B Mike Jacobs (thumb), D-Rays OF Rocco Baldelli (hamstring), Red Sox UNBEATABLE!!! Josh Beckett (finger), Yankee P Darrell Rasner (broken finger), Rangers UTL Jerry Hairston Jr. (neck), Marlins P Ricky Nolasco, Nats P Jason Bermann (elbow)

BB: Don't hate on Beckz cause he can't keep his skin on. Much like Matt Clement or any other Red Sox white player, hate him for the facial hair. As an ESPN commenter said --

tedy_bruschi (5/28/2007 at 10:31 PM)

How cool was it to see Trot get his standing ovation at his first at bat? I was watching in on the internet (quite pixilated), but I thought I saw him get a little watery-eyed.. The original Dirt Dog.. Man, I miss those gritty guys like Trot and Gabe Kapler.... The 8th inning, Romero was scary-bad. Just goes to show you have valuable Okajima has been this year..

I can't even make that up. I assume it was the real Tedy Bruschi, hopefully giving the Shocker with three of his other nine fingers as he typed it.

ED: PLAYA MOVEMENT!!! The Royals call up ROOKIE OF THE YEAR!!! Angel Berroa. The Blue Jays DFA IF Jason Smith. The Yankees call up P Ron Villone and ship out P Sean Henn. The Cardinals claim P Todd Wellemeyer off of waivers from the Royals. The Dodgers DFA INF Wilson Valdez. The Red Sox sign OF Michael Tucker. The Diamondbacks DFA IF Donnie Sadler. The A’s release DIVE, TODD!!! DIVE!!! Todd Walker. The Braves release UTL Craig Wilson. The Indians sell P Brian Sikorski to the Yakult Swallows. The Indians pick up P Gregorio Rosario from the Mariners to complete last week’s Jason Davis deal. The Rockies DFA UTL John F’n Mabry. The Marlins claim OF Todd Linden off of waivers from the Giants.

BB: Oh well. I guess the Aarom Small retirement is next week.

ED: Mets PROSPECT!!! Lastings Milledge releases a rap CD with blue language that has the entire Mets organization in a tizzy. Apparently he may have used street Spanish. I am not certain about that.

BB: Like, say, cholo?

ED: The Braves are officially sold to Liberty Media. No word if Captain Planet is part of the package.

BB: Ooh - ooh - now I need the Falcons to be sold so I can steal that. That is the only reason I am associated with VP at this point, obviously.

ED: Yankees MONEYPIT! Kyle Farnsworth criticizes the contract of fellow Yankees MONEYPIT!! Roger Clemens and Clemens’ ability to not be with the team when he is not pitching. Oh, like the Yankees would like for Farnsworth to not be with the team either.

BB: Kyle Farnsworth has been engulfed by his internet gimmick for me and I can't take anything he says seriously. In real-life, at least. Internet Kyle Farnsworth seems entirely possible.

ED: Yankees DH Jason Giambi says the MLB and its players should apologize to the public for the “past” use of performance enhancers. And in the process, Giambi tacitly possibly admits to taking PED’s, which…of course…has set everyone into a tizzy.

BB: I could care less about this. On the other hand, I wonder what Jeremy Giambi is doing right now. Can you snort a pizza? That jingle would rule, actually. "If pizza's in a powder you can do pizza anytime!!"

ED: Mets minor league P Lino Urdaneta is suspended 50 games for loving the sweet juice.

SOCCER

BB: If Ed don't write it, I don't write it. Besides, next week's is much more exciting with Champions League Final coverage and ALEXI! VERSUS! ENGLAND!

NFL

ED: Former Lions, Cowboys, Broncos and 49er John Gonzaga dead at 74.

BB: Dude. You are sooooo dead.

ED:  PLAYA MOVEMENT!!! The Bengals release DT Sam Adams and sign DT Kendrick Allen. The Saints sign DE's Lance Legree and Anton Palepoi. Texans LB Kailee Wong retires.

BB: Kailee Wong is actually already contemplating a comeback. God, we need to get these out faster.

ED: THE FIRST INJURY LIST OF THE SEASON!!! Falcons WR Brian Finneran (done for the season with a torn ACL)

BB: Poor poor sneaky fast white guy.

ED: That Giants-Dolphins game in London, England is officially sold out. Apparently, no one in England knows that they bought a ticket to a Giants-Dolphins game.

BB: I think Michael Strahan's wife bought all the tickets just to taunt him.

ED: TROUBLE LIST!!! Falcons QB Michael Vick is still in deep water about the dog fight allegations, as a supposed video tape exists of Vick at a dog fight. Ravens KR BJ Sams is acquitted of DUI charges. Bengals LB A.J. Nicholson is arrested on domestic assault charges. Jets KR Justin Miller is arrested on assault charges.

BB: I like the idea of Michael Vick actually fighting dogs better. I could see him running really fast away from one, aiming to kick it, and then missing by about three feet.

NCAA

ED: Winthrop basketball player DeAndre Adams dead at 20.

OTHER

ED: CURLIN!!!!! wins the Barbaro Memorial…err, the Preakness. OK, how can you not like CURLIN!!!!?

BB: If they don't wear toques?

ED: Oh yeah, and that whole Floyd Landis dirty pee trial would be far more humorous if anyone in their right minds gave a crap about people riding bicycles.

BB: Ooh. Speaking of people who toque.