The Week That Was 4/23/07 - 4/29/07  

ED: All I know is that if Bill’s on the same web site with Joe Buck and it’s not gay porn, no one really cares. Unless it’s Bill and Joe Buck commenting on EXTREME SPORTS!!! Then…oh yeah. I’m there.

NBA

ED: NBA PLAYOFFS!!!! SPOKE IN CLASS TODDDDDDAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!

MM: Bulls sweep Fat Shaq and D. Wade as Luol Deng quickly becomes the answer to "Who is the best pro basketball player Duke has ever produced?" The seven-foot tall flopping fade-away shooting MVP!!!! has "led" his team to a 1-3 deficit versus the team Kings fans now cheer for.

MM: COACHING MOVEZ!!! Bob Hill Seattle, Rick Carlisle Indiana OUT. Larry Brown to interview in Memphis, Kiki Vandegaklpweki maybe to run Grizz front office.

NHL

ED: Yeah. Umm…playoffs. Oh yeah. And umm…Bill sure has gotten a whole lot of hate mail this week. We could just pad this with Bill’s random hate emails.

MM: Player HATERS!!! If you can or have e-mail Bill Barnwell, its only cuz YOU didn't get your name scanned next to something you wrote in ESPN the Brand Extension and had the strong pimp hand to but a piece of pubis next to it. Oh...ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Rangers down 2-1 to Sabres.

AFL

WEEK NINE!!!

NCAA

ED: Michael Jordan’s son announces he will play basketball at the University of Illinois. WHEE!!!

MM: Georgia Tech's Thaddeus Young enters NBA draft. And the nation's leading scorer, a guy from a college in Washington with a last name that sounds like an interstate pecan log stop, also wants to get drafted or D-Leagued.

ED: NCAA football will stick with that whole BCS dealie they’ve used for years and everyone hates…well everyone but the people in the NCAA who get the kickbacks from the bowl game sponsors of course. YES!!! CORRUPTION WINS AGAIN!!!!

MLB

ED:  DL LIST!!! Cubs P Wade Miller (shoulder), Indians 3B Andy Marte (hamstring), Orioles GUTLESS!!! Scott Williamson (ticeps), D-Rays 3B Akinori Iwamura (oblique), Rockies P LaTroy Hawkins (elbow), Blue Jays C Gregg Zaun (broken thumb), Cubs PERFECT MECHANICS!!!! Mark Prior (done for the season after getting his shoulder scoped), Astros P Rick White (pulled muscle in his side), Pirates C Humberto Cota (shoulder).

MM: I'd suggest suing Dusty Baker, but at this point, all one would get is the eBay money for Dusty's forearm sweatbands. Those might be more irritating than the beer league softball player with eye black and batting gloves.

ED: The Braves are offering interest free financing on ticket packages worth at least $200.

ED: That guy who was extorting Ronnie Belliard for Belliard knocking up his daughter? Yeah, he plead guilty to the extortion charges and will do jail time. Of course, Belliard is stuck with the Nats. So who’s better off in this deal, really?

MM: Almost nothing beats Nick Johnson, Cell Mate.

ED: The Yankees make Phil laugh and cry – laugh because they suck, cry because they suck. And of course, they’ve jumped the gun on calling up Phil Hughes and A-Rod is the only Yankee hitting. And they get swept twice by the Red Sox. Michael Kay promises to throw people in the oven.

ED: Twins OF Torrrrrriiiiiiiii Hunter gives Royals DL Mike Sweeney champagne for the Royals knocking off the Tigers last September and gets in trouble with MLB FOR DESTROYING THE INTEGRITY OF THE GAME!!! The champagne was returned and Torrrrrrrriiiiiiiii will not face any sort of discipline. Pshew! Good thing he didn’t wear an unauthorized hat too.

MM: Does Torii stick his head in an icehole all off-season? GET SOME PILE OF MUSCLES TOPPED WITH HAIR GEL TO DELIVER THE GOODS FOR YOU!!!! Buy "Game of Shadows" or Christ's sake.

ED: Reds OF Ken Griffey Jr hits career homer 564 to pass Reggie Jackson for 10^th place in career home runs. Aww, how the stars cross. Reggie got a candy bar named after him, Jr got orthopedic precedures named after him.

MM: It's only a matter of time before Junior Griffey stashes a dimebag in Josh Hamilton's locker. HEADLINES FOR HOMETOWN BOYS ONLY.

ED: Orioles announcer Gary Thorne states that Doug Mirabelli told him that Curt Schilling’s bloody sock in the 04 playoffs was a fraud – as it was actually paint on his sock not blood. FRAUD!!! Doug Mirabelli says that Doug Mirabelli would not create a lie that about anyone, let alone The Great Albino. Both Mirabelli and Curt Schilling state that the blood on Gary Thorne’s tampon is very real and El Grande Blanco throws down a cool mill for anyone to test the blood on that sock as real.

MM: Thorne was trying to get fired so he could only call hockey.

ED: Royals minor league SS Tyrone Wilson and former Rockies minor league OF Cedric Brooks are suspended 50 games for loving the sweet juice.

MM: Tyrone Wilson and Cedric Brooks sound like Belladonna's co-stars in "Loving the Sweet Juice 22."

SOCCER

NFL

ED: NFL DRAFT!!! Or as it’s now known – Bill’s Christmas.

MM: Eagles roll out 75th anniversary uni's, University of Delaware files police report for 75 stolen jerseys and pants.

ED:  PLAYA MOVEMENT!!! The Rams pick up X FACTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dante Hall from the Chiefs for a 5^th round pick. The Lions sign WR's Marcus Robinson and Cliff Russell. The Raiders release DE Lance Johnstone and G Brad Badger, and sign DT Josh Shaw and CB Kris Richard. The Colts decline to match the offer sheet to CB Jason David allowing him to sign with the Saints. The Broncos sign LB's Warrick Holdman and D.D. Lewis.

ED: An NFLPA arbitrator rules that Bills CB Terrence McGee owes his former agent $100K for negotiating McGee’s recent contract.

ED: TROUBLE LIST!!! Falcons QB Michael Vick has one of his houses raided and in said raid emaciated and injured dogs are found along with items related to dog fighting.

OTHER

ED: WNBA player Deanna Jackson is arrested in Israel after punching an opposing player in a parking lot outside of the arena after a summer league game. Somewhere Ron Artest smiles.