Making a Mockery of: The 1999 NFL Draft

Making a Mockery of: The 1999 NFL Draft

Bill Barnwell

I love mock drafts. More than I love lots of things. Usually this includes the draft itself. You know – the whole “anticipation being better than the prize” thing. I enjoy that, more often than not, mock drafts are horribly flawed and would bring shame to the people who wrote them – if only there was analysis done of whether they actually got anything right or not. It’s like how the experts at ESPN pick the results of each week’s NFL action…and score about as well as the average person at successfully picking games right. The bottom line, people, is that simply put – none of us knows what will happen. I’m not sure who the Giants will trade up to waste their pick for. I’m not sure whether it will help them win against the Cowboys next year. I’m not sure why Scott Mailman insists he works in an airport. OK – I know one of those three things.

So what I decided to do is, with the help of our very, very eager Internet, analyze a bunch of the mock drafts that were released in 1999, and see how they turned out – both relative to the draft and relative to success. Of course, the NFL in 1999 was a very different world. The Cleveland Browns were the worst team in the league and were picking first overall. Now…they’ll be picking second overall. That might give you a sign of how well they did. Let’s get this sucker started.

The format will be as follows:

1	Cleveland Browns	QB	Tim Couch (2)
		LB	Andy Katzenmoyer (5)

The top line is the player who the team actually selected. The player on the bottom is the player who received the most or second-most nominations as the draftee for that team (as opposed to the slot), with the number representing the amount of mock drafts (out of the 8 I’m drawing choices from) that agreed with the pick, whether it be the actual one or the most-selected one.If the mock drafts didn’t agree, I’ll list a bunch of players there.

Cleveland Browns

Tim Couch (6)

Akili Smith (1)

Ricky Williams (1)

The other choices for the pick in mock drafts were Akili Smith and Ricky Williams. Fast forward to 2004 and – hey – none of them played a single down of NFL football. I’m not so sure that Tim Couch couldn’t have been a successful NFL quarterback. It’s not as if he was surrounded by a really great offense or anything – I mean, I love Kevin Johnson, but I love him in that “#1 WR who’s available in week 7 on the waiver wire in fantasy football” way, the same way I loved Travis Taylor in 2001, 2002, and 2003. That’s not a good kind of love. And the running attack really wasn’t anything incredible – every other draft, the Browns decided that it would be better if they wasted their first round pick on an underachieving defensive lineman. When you throw in Butch Davis butcher…destroying Couch’s confidence by going to Kelly Holcomb, there’s really not much else to say. Couch was put in a position to fail. All that being said – would I want him quarterbacking my favorite team? God no. He scares the crap out of me.

2	Philadelphia Eagles	QB	Donovan McNabb (4)
		QB	Tim Couch (2)

No one saw Couch lasting past #2. The CNN/SI War Room draft says it’d be unlikely the Eagles would take a QB at #2 (and recommend Ricky Williams as the likely pick) despite every other mock draft having the Eagles pick a QB here. Paul Zimmerman’s mock draft says, meanwhile, that the Eagles would choose McNabb over Smith because McNabb reminds him of Brett Favre. You know, with Brett Favre’s halfro and McNabb’s dependency on painkillers. And speaking of that – why hasn’t anyone taken Corey Dillon’s “Clock Killer” nickname and given it to McNabb? And will there be a Chunky’s Soup commercial next year that shows McNabb puking out some other soup company’s Clam Chowder? Or is Ben Roethlisberger only allowed to do soup commercials now? Someone needs to fill me in on these things.

3	Cincinnati Bengals	QB	Akili Smith (4)
		CB	Champ Bailey (3)

It may be my memory – going at twenty – but I remember Akili Smith seemingly being a REAL product of the post-college season/pre-draft meat market, where his “raw abilities” and workouts (to use words from the mock drafts) stood out above Tim Couch’s production at college. The irony of the whole thing is that they can both be used as an argument for stringent statistical analysis of collegiate players – Couch produced big numbers, but in a system that would’ve produced big numbers regardless of the quarterback. Akili Smith, well…I’m guessing he still looks like an NFL player if you look at him from across the room. I just won a Super Bowl in Madden with Akili Smith – in the first season, even, with him at a 70 overall. The problem is that it took Patrick Ramsay and Drew Henson getting hurt to get him in the game. (Yes – it was a fantasy draft. Yes – I drafted Drew Henson. Laugh at me.)

Indianapolis Colts

Edgerrin James (0)

Ricky Williams (4)

Chris Claiborne (4)

Zero-for-eight. And, of course, the Colts were right. Paul Ensslin was intelligent enough to note, “There's no way the Colts will draft a quarterback after taking Peyton Manning last year.” He was paid thirty-five cents or so for those fifteen words. Those are the professionals, folks. Right. Colts wanted James because he was a much better receiver than Williams and, as it turned out, he WASN’T an insane stoner. The other fun thing about the James pick was seeing him bust out and having the national media get all aghast because he had gold fronts. Hey – it was 1999. Edgerrin James had every right to look like he wanted to be on the Windows Paintbrush-created cover of a No Limit compilation CD. It is also a better idea for your No Limit tie-in to be related to being on the cover of a CD as opposed to having the No Limit family negotiate your contract. I think people knew this at the time but they thought the Y2K thing was going to cause problems so they didn’t care. Right?

5	New Orleans Saints	RB	Ricky Williams (1)
	(from Washington Redskins)	QB	Cade McNown (2)

Only one mock draft thought the Saints would actually be able to pull off/have the guts to do the trade, Paul Zimmerman’s. Everyone else mentioned something about a massive trade but the translation didn’t get through so well – Paul Ensslin thought the Bears wanted to trade their entire draft for Williams, while the CNN/SI mock draft said that doing so was inconceivable. Only in Madden, only in Madden. Was it a good idea even if Ricky Williams worked out? Think about it. They didn’t have a second round pick (another reason given as to why the trade wouldn’t happen), but they had picks in every other round. You gotta figure the average team gets three, four players out of each draft that last a season or two (I am too lazy/sick to do the research) at least, with two of those guys being starters. Those players cost less money than a free agent would, and are brought up in your scheme as a coach. Trading their entire draft for Ricky Williams meant the Saints either lost out on the talent they would’ve acquired with other draft picks (and replaced them with UFA’s) or spent more in free agency/on their then-current crop of players to keep those slots full. In addition – they put pressure on a guy who reacts about as well as Michael Jackson under pressure. Man oh man – I could definitely see Ricky Williams testifying at the Michael Jackson trial. They gotta be buddies. Maybe Ricky will post about it in his LiveJournal. I am psyched. Shockingly following the mock drafts and picking Cade McNown and holding onto their later picks probably would’ve worked out better for the Saints. Yes – I am advocating supporting Cade McNown. Someone has to.

6	St. Louis Rams	WR	Torry Holt (2)
		RB	Edgerrin James (4)

The drafts that picked James probably did so before the Rams traded a second round pick to the Colts for Marshall Faulk the week before the draft. So I can’t really fault them too much here. That being said, Joel Buchsbaum justifies the James’ pick by saying, “But, after missing out on Curtis Enis last year, Dick Vermeil, who can be a little bit naive at times, may bite.” Now who’s naïve? Of course – he could’ve justified it by saying that Dick Vermeil was suffering from dementia.

7	Washington Redskins	CB	Champ Bailey (5)
	(from Chicago Bears)	CB	Chris McAlister (2)

Everyone had the Redskins trading somewhere to get Bailey. The Redskins’ drafting has actually been pretty impressive and respectable considering how miserable their free agent signings have turned out. Of course – it has to be. They have to get to 7-9 somehow. And as Paul Ensslin says, “Darrell Green is getting older by the minute.” That’s unique insight.

8	Arizona Redskins	WR	David Boston (0)
		RB	Edgerrin James (4)

If they’d actually drafted Edgerrin James, then Arizona would have never had the Emmitt Smith era, which would’ve cost them tens of hundreds of dollars in lost ticket revenue the last two years. I despise David Boston because of a Madden 2004 game I played as the Jets against the Chargers in the playoffs, maybe two seasons into a franchise. No – Nate Kaeding was not participating. Nor was Doug Brien for that matter. I’m not that dumb. Boston caught everything that Doug Flutie – yes – Flutie – threw towards him, despite double-coverage (and unlike the Jets, I was smart enough to actually sign a shutdown corner as opposed to letting him get away. I am sexy too) and then even triple-coverage, with me controlling the other safety and coming over the top. He had something like 18 catches for 270 and 3 TDs. I don’t think I lost again for three years after that. Oh well – I guess the joke’s on you now.

9	Detroit Lions	LB	Chris Claiborne (2)
		DL	Jevon Kearse (4)

Claiborne lasted three years in Detroit before they let him go away in free agency and then Claiborne spent the next three years leading the…Viking defense. Oh boy. Jevon Kearse probably shudders to think about how little money and name recognition he’d have if he’d spent 2000 in Detroit instead of in a playoff run with the Titans. I mean – let’s face it. If he spends six years in Detroit, he’s the poor man’s Renaldo Turnbull. Which is really what he is. Man, do I need to do a FPotM on him. Well, Ed does. I don’t actually remember who he is. Aww…I’m young.

10	Baltimore Ravens	CB	Chris McAlister (3)
		QB	Daunte Culpepper (3)

I wonder if they would have won the Super Bowl if they’d chosen Culpepper over McAlister here. Well – I mean in the sense that they might not have made it all the way there without McAlister at corner. Certainly once they got to the Super Bowl, there was no way the Giants were beating them if they had MORE offensive weapons. God knows if Trent Dilfer and Brandon Stokley can abuse Jason Sehorn, Culpepper can do it better. And they could’ve put me at corner against Ike Hilliard and Kerry Collins would have still had an awful game. It’s pretty sad that Ike Hilliard’s career highlight was that cutback in his senior year bowl game. Man – I was like ten when that happened and I still remember that. That was the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen an athlete do. It probably took three years off his career but I still wait for him to do it again every time I watch a Giants game. He won’t, don’t worry.

11	Minnesota Vikings	QB	Daunte Culpepper (2)
		CB	Chris McAlister (3)

On the other hand, would the Vikings have made it to the Super Bowl if they’d grabbed McAlister as opposed to Culpepper, and used…aww…Jeff George as their quarterback? Or, I mean, Randall Cunningham. That 1998 Cunningham season is so freaky good. Culpepper at this point probably has to be considered a better quarterback than McNabb, with their offenses being pretty comparable now – extrovert #1 WR, really thin #2. The difference is that the Eagles are better at using their backs in the passing game, while the Vikings are better at running the ball. Really – the Vikings are the poor man’s Broncos when it comes to their running backs. Sadly – Mike Tice isn’t sexy. So he can’t get a shutdown corner for Onterrio Smith or anything.

12	Chicago Bears	QB	Cade McNown (0)
	(from Washington Redskins)	QB	Donovan McNabb (3)

Everyone thought that the Bears had their sights set on McNabb but…turned out they had identified that the quarterback they needed was Cade McNown. Let me try and think of something nice to say about this selection. Hmmm. You know – being nice isn’t really my strong point as a writer. OH! Well he was probably as good of a pick as Curtis Enis. God, are the Bears terrible. They picked McNown and Enis, that didn’t work, now they’re on their second batch of first round mistakes – Rex Grossman and Anthony Thomas. Rinse, repeat.

13	Pittsburgh Steelers	WR	Troy Edwards (0)
		WR	David Boston (5)

Everyone knew the Steelers were picking a wide receiver, pretty much. Of course – their wide receiving corps were Courtney Hawkins and Charles Johnson, so it wasn’t that bad of an idea. When Boston and Holt went off the board, the Steelers just looked down on their list and chose the next best wide receiver instead of – as many of the mock drafts suggested – taking LT John Tait instead. Troy Edwards got overtaken in his second season by the Ward-Burress combination and now comfortably lives out the rest of his playing days in Jacksonville, free from any worries about notoriety or success.

14	Kansas City Chiefs	LT	John Tait (2)
		LT	LJ Shelton (4)

John Tait is now a Chicago Bear and a very good tackle, if necessarily he wasn’t last year. He is also the honorary fourth member of the crazy offensive tackle group, joining Orlando Brown, Orlando Pace, and Walter Jones. Of course, he went to BYU, so there are likely all kinds of things wrong with him. Yeah CSC – you owe me.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Anthony McFarland (2)

LJ Shelton (2)

Cade McNown (2)

This worked out well for the Buccaneers – they got their Super Bowl ring, McFarland’s become a key part of the defense, and when he became better than Warren Sapp, they were able to cut Sapp and foist him onto the Raiders. Awww…. Cade McNown fits really well into the Buccaneers offensive plan of drafting as mediocre as possible, though. Paul Ensslin notes when thinking that they should’ve picked Culpepper, “Culpepper not only is talented but also is very popular in Florida.” Yeah – because Culpepper going to school in Florida is REALLY going to be a huge draw. Tons of slack-jawed yokels are going to give up on the Dolphins and travel three hours to root for the Buccaneers because…Culpepper played for Central Florida. Right.

16	Tennessee Titans	DL	Jevon Kearse (0)
		DL	Ebenezer Ekuban (3)

Paul Ensslin (quickly becoming my favorite mock drafter) says that Kearse is “…used to being a defensive stalwart on a team driven by its offense.” I love when the media invents skills that don’t exist. How is this a quality as opposed to something that happened? Can this skill be developed? This is another wonderful example of the creation of microroles or job functions in a wonderful, useless business economy. And I would know – I work in marketing. No one ever wrote that one of Corey Dillon’s qualities was “…used to being the only offensive threat on a team driven by suck.” But what do I know? Kearse was actually really useful his first year, but his production quieted a bunch after the playoffs. When it turned out Kevin Carter wasn’t really all that good either, the Titans line never played up to its media-defined potential.

17	New England Patriots	OL	Damien Woody (6)
	(from Seattle Seahawks)	DL	Ebenezer Ekuban (1)

Everyone pretty much had this one nailed down. No one said that Woody would draw extra people to Foxborough, though. This was right after the Robert Edwards injury (Awww…. No – really – poor guy) and the Patriots had two first rounders but resisted the urge to move up and get the Ricky. No one really talked about Woody’s departure being a problem for the Pats last offseason (except for Ed) and that always bugged me – as the Pats had never really had an impressive offensive line and Woody was by far the best player on it, playing three different spots regularly. But Woody went to Detroit and the offensive line played really well this season, so clearly Bill Belicheck and Dante Sbracchia (yeah – I’m not spelling that any better and I already know how to spell THAT name)’s genius is simply beyond me.

18	Oakland Raiders	OL	Matt Stinchcomb (2)
		LB	Andy Katzenmoyer (3)

God – I can only imagine what Ed would’ve done if the Raiders had drafted Katzenmoyer. I know – have bought the Raiders Katzenmoyer jersey to match his Ohio State one! Aw – Ed will hate me. But not as much as he hates Andy Katzenmoyer. I am excited to read the Agner rant on the Greek God of linebacking, more so than I look forward to things I should enjoy much more. Stinchcomb always seemed to me like a pretty generic interior lineman. The CNNSI mock draft says, “Head Coach Jon Gruden would love a big play back to replace up-and-down Napoleon Kaufman, and Rob Konrad of Syracuse might be a guy that would tempt them.”. Did they ever actually see him play? Rob Konrad’s a fullback – and not a particularly mobile one at that. The guy’s career long rush is eighteen yards. Then again – that could very well be a big play for the Raiders’ rushing offense. Aww…Ed hates me again. Not yet with the Katzenmoyer rant, though. Save it for when he gets selected.

19	New York Giants	OT	Luke Petitgout (0)
		OL	Aaron Gibson (6)

The Giants are TWO STEPS AHEAD OF YOU!! Actually – it turns out – the Giants are five minutes early but actually not as talented as you so they run a couple of steps behind you. Of course, Aaron Gibson can be two steps behind you and two steps ahead at the same time. He’s a big fella. Petitgout’s been the best offensive lineman on a terrible, terrible, terrible line after the Super Bowl veteran leadership group moved on (remember – Glenn Parker – NFL Network – best analyst on television), but really you’d want any of the other offensive tackles who were available here. Unless you wanted a really fat guy. Then Gibson’s your man.

20	Dallas Cowboys	DL	Ebenezer Ekuban (0)
	(from Seattle Seahawks)	DE	Patrick Kerney (2)

No one thought Ekuban would drop this low. For some reason I got Ekuban and Alge Crumpler constantly confused until Crumpler had his big fantasy season in 2003. Fortunately, I did not accidentally pick Ekuban in any fantasy leagues, but if I’d actually shown up for any of the 2.0 drafts – I’m sure I would’ve. Oh well. At least his knee was still together. Stupid Eagles. Ekuban never really reached his potential with the Cowboys and then went to the place where defensive linemen never reach their potential together – the Browns. He actually had a decent year in 2004 with 8 sacks. When you consider that teams weren’t exactly coming from behind against the Browns very often, that’s not too shabby.

21	Arizona Cardinals	OT	LJ Shelton (0)
		OT	Solomon Page (2)

No one thought Shelton would drop this low, either. Shelton is about to be traded to the Bills for Travis Henry, it seems like. Is this a good idea for the Bills? Well, think about it. The Bills want Shelton because their LT, Jonas Jennings, wants a huge deal and they don’t want to pay. Shelton lost his job in Arizona because…Dennis Green was grumpy. They can afford to trade Henry because they used their first round pick on Willis McGahee’s Rehab Machine two years ago, instead of drafting a player to fill in one of the holes on their team, not to mention that they’d given Henry an extension months earlier. So – to summate, the Bills could’ve had a first round-quality player, Henry, and probably the money to pay Jennings, or they could have Shelton and McGahee. That’s not a good trade. Oh – and McGahee averaged 4 yards a carry this year. Henry only averaged 3.5, but his previous two years, he was at 4.4 and 4.1. This should be fun.

22	Seattle Seahawks	DL	Lamar King (0)
	(from Dallas Cowboys)	OL	Damien Woody (2)

The Seahawks traded down twice to get the guy they clearly wanted late in the round. Unfortunately, no mock drafters knew about that. Whoops. Mock drafters are, yes, zero steps ahead of you. Most of the mock drafts had them picking a defensive end…they just couldn’t decide which. King ended up being mostly useless and wasn’t in the NFL last year. With those results, I’m shocked the Browns didn’t pick him first. Or the Giants. They both hate successful defensive linemen.

23	Buffalo Bills	CB	Antoine Winfield (4)
		DL	Lamar King (2)

The Bills avoid the king and actually take a useful defensive player. Winfield made the Jets break out their Cure CDs last year but the last laugh was on him, as he ended up in Minnesota. Yeah, he got paid a lot, but…well, he ended up in Minnesota. For all different kinds of reason, that is crummy. The CNNSI Mock Draft suggested Jared Devries at this pick, saying: “DeVries is a tough, hard-nosed underachiever that would fit in well at Buffalo, and would upgrade the interior of this defense.” Again – that seems like a Browns pick to me.

24	San Francisco 49ers	DL	Reggie McGrew (2)
	(from Miami Dolphins)	QB	Shaun King (3)

If the 49ers had traded up to draft Shaun King (or, as some of the mock drafts had it, Cade McNown), that would be pretty high comedy. McGrew lasted three seasons and has 10 career NFL tackles. Some of the mock drafts had the Dolphins taking the…troubled HB Cecil Collins with this pick. They took Collins when they traded up…to the first pick of round 5. Whoopsie. Zimmerman has a great Jimmy Johnson quote – “"We could move up, or we could move down," Miami coach Jimmy Johnson says.” That’s how it works, Jimmy. You can also choose to stay, too, if you want.

25	Green Bay Packers	SS	Antuan Edwards (3)
		CB	Fernando Bryant (2)

“The Packers are so desperate for a cornerback that they'll take the best one available.”, Paul Ensslin says. Apparently they were so desperate they took the first cornerbackish guy they could find. The CNNSI Mock Draft had him going to the Vikings a few picks later, and says that Vikings coach Dennis Green “…is the type of coach that values his draft picks…”; for some reason, this harkens back, for me at least, to playing Madden drunk and skipping the scouting combines so that I can get back to playing regular season games as quick as possible. I am a simple man.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Fernando Bryant (1)

Charles Fisher (2)

Lamar King (2)

With Charles Fisher we officially hit the first potential draftee I’d never heard of before – I had very faint memories of Lamar King, somehow. Fisher tore three ligaments in his knee in the season opener of his rookie season and never really played in the NFL again. He’s an area scout for the Seahawks. Poor lil fella. Well, I mean, knee injuries happen. But the Seahawks?? I guess it’s better than the Browns.

27	Detroit Lions	OL	Aaron Gibson
	(from Miami Dolphins)

The Dolphins were trading down so that they could draft ROB KONRAD!! in the s